My child(ren) need a life beyond Lego

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
My child(ren) need a life beyond Lego
4
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:17am

Hi all,

I've mentioned on many occasions that David is obsessed with Legos. It's to the point where he doesn't want to do much else at all. He never wants to leave the house. I really would like to help open up his world a bit and encourage him to do something that involves interacting with the world around him.

Anyhow, I think it would be VERY good for him to take some kind of extracurricular class/activity. My best friend's 8 year-old (who was David's best friend before they went off to different kindergartens) takes a martial arts class and loves it. He also takes gymnastics and loves it. David wants nothing to do with either of those.

David has a little bit of experience with this kind of stuff, but it was all when he was younger, before kindergarten. He took a gymnastics class, but had to be in with kids younger than him because he was too "immature". He found the whole thing over-stimulating, and, I now realize, frightening. He was in a drama class, but got kicked out after the second day, because other parents were complaining about his behavior. And he took a Kids in Tune music class, and although he didn't get in trouble, he didn't partipate. (Oh, how I wish I had known about Asperger's back then! It all makes sense now!)

Now he's older, more mature, (and on medication for the mood disorder), but he doesn't want anything to do with these kinds of activities. But, I feel like life is just passing him by, and his near-genius brain is going to turn into a big chunk of Lego if we keep on doing what we're doing. (Which is sitting at home with 12,000 Legos day after day after day after day.)

I'm thinking, if I could do a bit of research and find a few activities that are lead by someone who has a clue about ASD's...then would it be reasonable for me to push him to go? I could see that getting unpleasant. LOL! Group activities do make him anxious, on top of the fact that it cuts into his Lego time. So, I'd kind of have to *force* him to go, which doesn't feel right either.

Any thoughts? I was reading the thread about martial arts, and it kind of made me sad, because both of my boys are so *adamant* about not wanting to come within thirty feet of a *gasp!* GROUP ACTIVITY. Martial arts would be so perfect for both of them (with the right teacher), but I'd have to drag them kicking and screaming.

Evelyn
David, 8, AS, BP-NOS
Nathan, 4, my mystery boy who is chronically unhappy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 5:28am

Dear Evelyn,

Furst off, as we live in a world where many of the kids we know are AS or other spectrum, I actually know quite a few AS kids who are extremely turned off and stressed out by ANY group activities. At the ASD school, they are gently taught over and over by professionals how to do it, but I can still see how for some of them it is always very difficult. There is so much difference from child to child in how ASDs are manifested, which is why each therapy program must be individually designed for each child.

I have also found that dragging my son kicking and screaming to anything never brings a good outcome LOL. I do use coercion and bribes, even occasionally ultimatums, but if Malcolm really objects, I have to look for another way he will do it! And usually Malcolm needs to have a friend or 2 also doing the activity with him. He is NOT big on large group activities, but has done lots of it now. In the last few years, he is really improving at trying new activities, but as I have often written here, he has had years of practise constantly at these things. He learned starting in therapeutic nursery, and now in special needs schools. His build up and exposure to NT groups has been gradual and we have been careful to help him get acclimated and stay on top of his stimulation, etc.

I wonder if David might like something more quiet and mentally challenging like chess club for a starter? Is there any way he could try one of the more physical activities WITH his friend who does well at it, for moral support? And, like with Tae Kwondo, Malcolm started in small class, knowing his penchant for overwhelm. I have also paid for private sessions to help him get up to speed, also to build his relationship with his instructor. Maybe you can start with a few private sessions, then build?

Anyways, I want to say I sympathise. Malcolm has very little of obsessions, so I am not fighting something like your son's Lego one. Not knowing your child, well, I couldn't begin to know ezactly how to go about it, but I do know it is always a creative, fluctuating process here...

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2001
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 8:19am
Are there any ASD specific activities in your area?

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:04pm

Evelyn,

I can totally relate!! Nathan doesn't want to do anything either! His obsession is Star Wars. And if he's not playing with his action figures, watching Ty play Star Wars on Playstation, or practicing his light saber moves.....he's pacing around the house THINKING about Star Wars!!! Oh....I almost forgot...we also have Star Wars in LEGOS too!!! LOL

We don't have alot offered here where I live. So, I'm not exploring that option with Nathan. I know that he will change as he gets older, his interests may change, and maybe someday he'll find something that he will want to be involved in.

Occasionally, he will pick up a different toy or switch to doing something else. He does still follow Tyler around, and Ty tries to get him to do things different from Star Wars. Surprisingly, he asked his dad to play "go fish" with some Thomas the Train cards that he has, just lastnight. We were shocked!! But this does happen occasionally!!!

Nathan is soooo tired of having to be at school all day, that having to have MORE INTERACTION is just not an option for him!!! He loves and needs his time alone. So, I think it really depends on your child and their personality. As long as Nathan is getting some kind of interaction.....I try not to worry too much about it. (Even though it's still in the back of my mind!!)

michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:11pm

Our recreation center does offer private swimming and skating lessons for special needs kids. They also have a "gym class" for special needs.....it meets every Sunday for 45 minutes - one week we play basketball, next week soccer, then volleyball, etc. One parent needs to participate with each child - it is a nice, no-pressure way to introduce new activities to the kids. Check with your local YMCA or recreation center. Also, what about music lessons? Piano or guitar? Does he like to paint or draw? An art class?

HTH,
Christie