My son... A hermit

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2003
My son... A hermit
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 11:16am
I've been MIA for a little while. We had a suicide in our family.

Sean: my 9 almost 10 year old, is in Football and has a handfull

of friends. he and Tim play on the trampoline alot and always wind up

wrestling and finally fighting everytime.

Lacie is in Gymnastics/Cheerleading, Band and has a handful of

friends who I'm leary about since our trouble with her stealing the last

few months.

Tim, My 12 year old PDD, ADHD has no friends in the neighborhood.

He jumps on the trampoline and spends alot of time talking to our

2 labrador retrievers. Then he's in his room watching cartoons and

I hear him role playing and banging up on toys. He doesn't talk about

school or friends. Now and then when there's something kind of exciting

at school to talk about he will, late at night while the news is on.

"OH mom! Today we watched a movie in school." I always ask him

right after school how his day went.

I have alot of hopes for him as he grows older, but another part of me

is preparing in case he stays home with me all of his life. I don't

feel like this is healthy to him. I want him to get out and

have fun, make friends, ride a bike. His social behavior is lacking.

I wish my daughter was more of a homebody than she is.

I can't even keep her grounded when she's been in trouble.

Why????? She screams hits, kicks, tries to tear up the walls and her room.

I try to be very consistant. Am I lacking as a parent, or do I have

a multiple child problem going on here.. My youngest son also has

some anger problems but He does stay busy and that helps. He even

helps with the chores better than the others. Tim is still wetting the

bed at 12 Yrs. Seems like the more I try, the harder it gets.

With this recent suicide, I sat down with all 3 of my kids, in the floor and

told them anytime anything is bothering them to always come to me or a

trusted adult. I ellaborated a bit more than just that simple sentence.

Well, I'll go for now, I just had to pour all of that out on the table.

I hope everyones school year is going well for them. We had Tim's ard meeting

and we decided not to retest until the end of next year.


Avatar for maresgood
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 9:29pm
Hi, so sorry to hear about the family tragedy. My dh had suicide in his family. My AS dd is also a hermit so I can relate. She will be 11 next week. She has 1 or 2 friends @ school but noone where we live either. There won't be any birthday parties this yr. with anyone but the family. She will never call or play with a school friend outside of school. She also goes in her room & role plays, talks to herself, plays Gameboy,reads & does only solitary activities. She watches Japanese cartoons OVER & OVER. She rides her scooter or her bike & that's it. I worry about her when she gets older too. My other dd (14) is very social. I am going to go an AS support group next month to hear talks & meet other parents in our situation. Good Luck to You, I know how you feel! Take Care Mary Ann
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 8:41am


I'm sorry about your loss. Things like that can never be easy, especially when it's a suicide.

And no, you are not a bad parent! Every kid is different, and sometimes their personalities clash and tug at you from both sides. Ayla is very withdrawn, never wants to go anywhere, never participates in famiy activities, etc. While on the other hand, Sammi is very outgoing, charasmatic, and usually gets all of the attention. They sqauble over that a lot. And I often feel very taught and stretched thin. Sam want to be constantly on the move and out doing things as a family, but in order to do so we would have to drag a very miserable Ayla along who would only end up sitting in the car reading a book anyway. Then, later on,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Wed, 09-24-2003 - 9:23am

I am very sorry for what you are going through. We are sending good thoughts to you and your family.

My neighbour's chimney was hit by lightning recently and I felt horribly guilty. Why did his property get hit and not mine? It should have been one of my trees. They are much higher... How can I *fix* this?

This is a totally off-the-wall example, but my point is that many women try to blame themselves for everything and want to fix things which are outside of their control.

You did nothing wrong as a mother. Your children are just very different people. It's a nature, not a nurture issue. Yes, you can encourage your kids to socialize more, get them involved in classes etc, but as an old teacher of mine was fond of saying: "You can take a horse to water, but you can't make him drink".

Stop beating yourself up about it. You are doing nothing wrong.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 10:07am

I wanted to let you know i am sorry about the loss in your family. It is hard to accept any loss, but especially an unexpected one.

I read this note two days ago, but my computer is CONSTANTLY messing up. And unfortunately i have Tim Allen of Computers for a husband. So he usually makes it worse before it gets better. So i am sorry i haven't posted sooner.

Take care