My son's insatiable toys desires
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| Mon, 07-10-2006 - 6:59pm |
I am at my wit's end with this child today! He's 8 and a half and he wants new toys all the time! Wherever we go, the grocery store, the hardware store, shoot, even the garden center isn't safe. For the last week he has been hounding us for a Nintendo DS system because he wants the Mario Brothers Mushroom Adventure game and it isn't available for his Gameboy. The Gameboy was our last big purchase for him, he couldn't wait to get it, it would be the very last thing he would want for a whole year (he said). We got it, and he was true to his word for about 6 months. But now he want this new system, we can't afford it right now (school coming up, dental work, therapy bills, etc.) but we will be able to save up for it around his birthday. He says he can't wait and he's making everyone miserable over it. Now, we really try to strike a good balance. Our kids don't want for anything, but we also don't give in to every whim. He found out he has money in a fund for college and he's been trying to get us to pull the money out of it for this game. He is soooooooooo persistent!
Is this a normal kid thing (he's been this way forever, Duncan never has been) or are we dealing with an aspect of AS? Does anyone have a kid like this and how do you deal with it? I really am NOT going to buy this thing until we can afford it, but he's so persistent I'm getting quite angry with him. We have explained finances to him, even SHOWED him where our money has to go before we can buy extra things, so you know what this stinker did? He stood out on the curb with several old toys trying to get neighbor kids to buy them and he said, "My parents are in debt. I have to sell my toys!" I could die, I'm absolutely mortified! It would be really funny if I weren't living it, LOL! Holy moly, what am I gonna do with this child???
Kelly

Bobby is exactly the same way!!!!! We jsut had to go out yesterday and buy him a doctor's kit(he is 4).
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son wanted an ipod. i said no- too expensive, too valuable for a seven year, too much responsibilty, too many meltdowns when things did not work. so xh bought one for him. well it's been hell. fights over when can he use it, which songs can he download, other things he should be doing instead of ipoding, accessories he wants. he corrects other people's singing lyrics, argues about artist who sings song "the best".
any store that has a toy vending machine is a problem. those small rubber balls become an obsession. he loses all safety concerns, chasing into parking lot, street. those machines that you direct a crane to pick up a toy are another problem. he thinks he should win because he wants to win. on vacation he went to the hotel manager to complain about the machine demanding his quarter back.
the gameboy was enjoyed for a few weeks. when he got careless with it, i took it for about a year. now he enjoys it sporadically.
son wants for nothing. about 2 years ago, way before the dx, i removed 8 large trashcans of toys, games, books, etc from his room and the toy room. he never missed any of it. bit by bit, i'm giving it away.
do any of your children have toys that trigger meltdowns? son is not allowed to use yoyos. i don't know what it is that causes him to meltdown after playing with a yoyo. he uses it okay, no difficulties. but then he loses it.
I think the wanting of new and better toys is pretty typical for most kids. It's the obsessive part of it with our kids that makes it difficult to deal with.
I also think he's being rather bold and mature attempting to figure out a way to pay for the new game system himself. Is there anyway he could earn some money to save for it himself? I think that would be a great way for him to learn a little about hard work, saving up and some responsibility. Some ground rules over it's use before it comes into the house should probably be discussed too.
We won't buy our DS new toys unless it's for a birthday, Christmas....etc... but he does get a chance to earn an allowance ($3/week) so if he really wants something he will do what he needs to do to get that $3 a week. He saved for 5 or 6 weeks once to get a toy (that was when he was 6.) We also take the hard line on toy buying. I will very happily deal with a tantrum rather than buy him something I know he won't play with or I don't want him to have. I pesonally won't own a gaming system because the fall out from trying to regulate it's use is worse than Ds complaining about not having one. Trying to keep tv watching to a minimum is difficult enough here. DS is very persistent about it too. I've taken to telling him that I'm not discussing it and if he can't stop himself I find something that is soothing for him to do to distract him, usually hands on activities like building with legos/bionicles (his favorite ways to spend his allowance BTW!) I figure either way I may have to deal with him raging over the thing and I'd rather not have to spend all the money to do so!!! LOL We do allow on line games and arcade games - we have a plug and play thing too, so I'm not anti games.....
I have a book about learning "differences." A Mind At A Time by Dr Levine. He mentions something about collecting things and insatiable appetites for toys as being a part of ADHD. He suggests letting the child have some kind of collection that's easily attainable. Like rocks or shells or something to satiate that need to always be getting something new. He equates it to the need that some kids with ADHD have with new or exciting experiences (like extreme sports.) They get a kind of thrill from aquiring something new.
HTH
Chrystee
We have the same issue here too (and we also have a Duncan!:)
I say alot of "Ya, that would be fun to get that one day" or "Well maybe santa will bring that/get it for your birthday" ... I recently made a reward chart that the end result would be earning a toy worth about 5$. Everytime the kids did something kind or helpful (from anything from feeding the animals, apologizing, or doing something nice for someone) we would write it on the chart - 20 lines in all, and within less than a week each kid had filled his quota. So we went to the toy store today. I think as long as you can give them the chance somewhere on the horizon to get something (within limits money wise), it gives them some peace of mind about it, and they stop obsessing. You could also try saying that everytime you get him something, he has to turn in one of his toys to donate to charity/an organization that collects toys for kids who have basically nothing.
HTH,
Meg