Sorry the potty talk is driving you crazy. We have a lot of that here too (except he doesn't say stupid cause that's a naughty word!?) So what is the support plan?
It's kind of confusing, but the gist of it is he picks a list of preferred fun activities and then I come up with a list of non-preferred (usually something that is good for him, but that he doesn't necessarily enjoy...coloring, worksheets, quiet reading).
That does sound confusing. Complicated behavior mod programs like that never worked well for my kids. For my two, what works best is time out Super Nanny style. Honestly I think what works best about the technique is you are supposed to go over to your child, get down on their level, and give them a warning. Example: Ds if you say XYZ again you will sit on the naughty spot (or what ever name you give it) for 8 minutes (1 minute per yr of age). The warning usually takes care of it for my kids if done in front of them at their level. If yelled from across the room its ineffective, lol. If the warning dosen't work you have to be willing to follow through (with out giving another warning) on the time out. I say you have to be willing because if they get up from time out you have to take them back without talking and re-set the timer each and every time they get up. Kyle always stays, in fact I've only had to send him once this yr. Hannah on the other hand tests me about every 3 months. The 8 minute time out turns into about an hour. Once she sees I'm not giving up then her behavior improves and any bad behavior usually ends with a warning. The child is also supposed to apologize for the behavior after you re-cap why they are in time out. Anyway I know a lot of people say time out doesn't work for them but for us its worked the best if done in the above way and we are consistant.
I am sorry. I understand that it is a pain in the tush dealing with those words.
I am totally with Samantha though. I actually have found supernanny style to work really well for dealing with your run of the mill naughty behaviors (ie - not for full on meltdowns or rages) that our kids do WAYYYYY more than other kids. It takes more consistency and a longer time than NT kids but it has worked for us for this kind of thing.
I also make sure to reinforce the good behaviors. Like the old saying goes, you win more friends with honey! When I was in training to work in an ABA school for the first month all they would let me do was hand out reinforcers to kids. I was the candy or sticker lady. One supervisor told me that it was to make me be a "force to be reconned with", lol.
I think that program you discribed is really confusing too. When programs are too confusing 2 things happen. The kids stop caring because they can't remember what is what and I don't consistently implement it because there is too much to remember. Also, would taking time from his karate class really work? A consequence completely removed from the behavior is tough for him to really grasp and to be useful, and taking away of something even tougher. "Cost response" has rarely worked for us and only does when used very very sparingly. Add to it that Karate class is probably a very good thing for him theraputically and you may be shooting yourself in the foot.
I will say that the kids lose the priveledges of electronics for bad behavior but it is imediate. You hit=no TV. Last time Mike had a big incident he lost electronics for the entire (4 day) weekend. By the last day the punishment had lost its effectiveness. He no longer was learning a lesson from it on how to behave. He no longer really understood that he was bad 4 days before so it still meant no tv. He did understand on a base level but he was twitching and acting so weird and saying things where it was obvious the teaching part of this punishment had past. What it did do was make me feel like a good parent because I was being so strick! The restriction ended that evening.
Last, even though you have this program in place it is still a behavior that is obviously a problem due to your post here. Obviously then the behavior program isn't working and time to rethink it to something that may work better for you and him.
Something I have been thinking alot about lately is the purpose of discipline (particularly since our kids are hard to discipline). Really I have come to the conclusion that often our immediate feeling of discipline is so that our children behave like they are supposed to, so we feel like good parents and no one will think we are horrible (because we really hate that), but really when we really think about it, disciplines purpose is to teach our children how to be responsible adults. So now I have a litmus test for discipline - is this method/punishment/reward going to make my kids behave for now or make me look like a good parent or is it helping them learn to be responsible adults. So I am trying harder to look at these things like teachable moments.
No real suggestions here. How about some sympathy though? We have the same issue with our 6 year old ds. It drives me crazy. It is very embarassing when he does it in public too. I wondered if this is related to AS or my child was just a brat?
I'm with Melissa......my 8 yr old LOVED to use his potty words as he waited for his school bus in the mornings.....the boy down the street waited with him....the two of them would be yelling mild obsenities until the bus showed up.......embarrassing. I tried not to show too much of a reaction because that is what they were looking for.....some days it did drive me absolutely bonkers.....
I agree with what everyone else wrote about the behavior program. It does sound confusing and if it's confusing you....it's probably confusing your DS. And the idea of taking away all my DS's preferred activities and replacing them *all* with unpreffered ones is scary to me. If I tried that for a discipline technique and Ds had to do extra writing or reading it would end in a meltdown every day! I don't think piling unpreferred activities on him is going to get you anywhere with the potty talk. I think "*first* you have to do this worksheet, *then* you can do the preferred activity" could be a good reinforcer for getting work done. You could do a visual with that too and switch the preferred/nonpreferred activities when you needed. I think Renee suggested that once.
We were having a problem with the potty talk and sticking hands down the pants. We've implemented a firm rule...if we see him with his hands down his pants in common areas (any place except his room and the bathroom) then he is sent to wash his hands. This has worked soooo well. I think I sent him to wash his hands 3 time the first day we started and I haven't had to since.
If he starts to use potty talk without reason, he gets one warning, if he doesn't stop, he's sent to wash his hands. We give one warning with the potty talk because our DS often blurts things out or spontaneously turns whatever I say into a potty word and he's not aware of it. So far the one warning has gotten him to stop right away. I don't want him to become afraid of using the word poop if he has to. Plus I do want him to be able to enjoy a good fart joke now and then ;) It's when it gets excessive or makes no sense that he needs help with. We're also talking about what makes a joke funny and when it's ok to make jokes too. I always have baby wipes with me when we're out (we also have a 14 month old.) I use those for warnings when we are out and about....I haven't had to have him wash his hands out in public yet.
Sorry the potty talk is driving you crazy. We have a lot of that here too (except he doesn't say stupid cause that's a naughty word!?) So what is the support plan?
Samantha
It's kind of confusing, but the gist of it is he picks a list of preferred fun activities and then I come up with a list of non-preferred (usually something that is good for him, but that he doesn't necessarily enjoy...coloring, worksheets, quiet reading).

<That does sound confusing. Complicated behavior mod programs like that never worked well for my kids. For my two, what works best is time out Super Nanny style. Honestly I think what works best about the technique is you are supposed to go over to your child, get down on their level, and give them a warning. Example: Ds if you say XYZ again you will sit on the naughty spot (or what ever name you give it) for 8 minutes (1 minute per yr of age). The warning usually takes care of it for my kids if done in front of them at their level. If yelled from across the room its ineffective, lol. If the warning dosen't work you have to be willing to follow through (with out giving another warning) on the time out. I say you have to be willing because if they get up from time out you have to take them back without talking and re-set the timer each and every time they get up. Kyle always stays, in fact I've only had to send him once this yr. Hannah on the other hand tests me about every 3 months. The 8 minute time out turns into about an hour. Once she sees I'm not giving up then her behavior improves and any bad behavior usually ends with a warning. The child is also supposed to apologize for the behavior after you re-cap why they are in time out. Anyway I know a lot of people say time out doesn't work for them but for us its worked the best if done in the above way and we are consistant.
GL,
Samantha
I am sorry. I understand that it is a pain in the tush dealing with those words.
I am totally with Samantha though. I actually have found supernanny style to work really well for dealing with your run of the mill naughty behaviors (ie - not for full on meltdowns or rages) that our kids do WAYYYYY more than other kids. It takes more consistency and a longer time than NT kids but it has worked for us for this kind of thing.
I also make sure to reinforce the good behaviors. Like the old saying goes, you win more friends with honey! When I was in training to work in an ABA school for the first month all they would let me do was hand out reinforcers to kids. I was the candy or sticker lady. One supervisor told me that it was to make me be a "force to be reconned with", lol.
I think that program you discribed is really confusing too. When programs are too confusing 2 things happen. The kids stop caring because they can't remember what is what and I don't consistently implement it because there is too much to remember. Also, would taking time from his karate class really work? A consequence completely removed from the behavior is tough for him to really grasp and to be useful, and taking away of something even tougher. "Cost response" has rarely worked for us and only does when used very very sparingly. Add to it that Karate class is probably a very good thing for him theraputically and you may be shooting yourself in the foot.
I will say that the kids lose the priveledges of electronics for bad behavior but it is imediate. You hit=no TV. Last time Mike had a big incident he lost electronics for the entire (4 day) weekend. By the last day the punishment had lost its effectiveness. He no longer was learning a lesson from it on how to behave. He no longer really understood that he was bad 4 days before so it still meant no tv. He did understand on a base level but he was twitching and acting so weird and saying things where it was obvious the teaching part of this punishment had past. What it did do was make me feel like a good parent because I was being so strick! The restriction ended that evening.
Last, even though you have this program in place it is still a behavior that is obviously a problem due to your post here. Obviously then the behavior program isn't working and time to rethink it to something that may work better for you and him.
Something I have been thinking alot about lately is the purpose of discipline (particularly since our kids are hard to discipline). Really I have come to the conclusion that often our immediate feeling of discipline is so that our children behave like they are supposed to, so we feel like good parents and no one will think we are horrible (because we really hate that), but really when we really think about it, disciplines purpose is to teach our children how to be responsible adults. So now I have a litmus test for discipline - is this method/punishment/reward going to make my kids behave for now or make me look like a good parent or is it helping them learn to be responsible adults. So I am trying harder to look at these things like teachable moments.
Renee
No real suggestions here. How about some sympathy though? We have the same issue with our 6 year old ds. It drives me crazy. It is very embarassing when he does it in public too. I wondered if this is related to AS or my child was just a brat?
Melissa
I'm with Melissa......my 8 yr old LOVED to use his potty words as he waited for his school bus in the mornings.....the boy down the street waited with him....the two of them would be yelling mild obsenities until the bus showed up.......embarrassing. I tried not to show too much of a reaction because that is what they were looking for.....some days it did drive me absolutely bonkers.....
Christie
I posted recently about this same topic!
I agree with what everyone else wrote about the behavior program. It does sound confusing and if it's confusing you....it's probably confusing your DS. And the idea of taking away all my DS's preferred activities and replacing them *all* with unpreffered ones is scary to me. If I tried that for a discipline technique and Ds had to do extra writing or reading it would end in a meltdown every day! I don't think piling unpreferred activities on him is going to get you anywhere with the potty talk. I think "*first* you have to do this worksheet, *then* you can do the preferred activity" could be a good reinforcer for getting work done. You could do a visual with that too and switch the preferred/nonpreferred activities when you needed. I think Renee suggested that once.
We were having a problem with the potty talk and sticking hands down the pants. We've implemented a firm rule...if we see him with his hands down his pants in common areas (any place except his room and the bathroom) then he is sent to wash his hands. This has worked soooo well. I think I sent him to wash his hands 3 time the first day we started and I haven't had to since.
If he starts to use potty talk without reason, he gets one warning, if he doesn't stop, he's sent to wash his hands. We give one warning with the potty talk because our DS often blurts things out or spontaneously turns whatever I say into a potty word and he's not aware of it. So far the one warning has gotten him to stop right away. I don't want him to become afraid of using the word poop if he has to. Plus I do want him to be able to enjoy a good fart joke now and then ;) It's when it gets excessive or makes no sense that he needs help with. We're also talking about what makes a joke funny and when it's ok to make jokes too. I always have baby wipes with me when we're out (we also have a 14 month old.) I use those for warnings when we are out and about....I haven't had to have him wash his hands out in public yet.
Good luck!
chrystee
Thank you so much everyone for your responses.

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