Need help with PDD daughter :(
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Need help with PDD daughter :(
| Sat, 12-03-2005 - 9:17pm |
My DH and I find ourselves frustrated with her frequently, we run out of patience quickly, and because of that we react in ways that we shouldn't.
My husband threw a book across the room today in frustration and Kayleigh fell on the floor, covered her face, and cried. She would not be comforted.
Getting her to learn and retain information is so incredibly hard. She has been having difficulties
My husband threw a book across the room today in frustration and Kayleigh fell on the floor, covered her face, and cried. She would not be comforted.
Getting her to learn and retain information is so incredibly hard. She has been having difficulties


First, Major major Hugs for both of you. You are definitely in a tough spot right now. What sort of supports do you and your husband have for yourselves. Do you have respite? Perhaps a therapist at home that helps you with how to help her at home. I also wouldn't worry about teaching her academics at home if she is getting them in a school setting (which she should be) unless they have given you specific homework to do with her. If they have focus on one or two things at a time. Start with something you think you can be successful with and do really short sessions. End before you get frustrated.
Perhaps a play based therapy approach at home may be a good idea. You sound like you are both very committed to helping her but the academics are stressing all of you out. There are loads of skills you can be working with her on that will be more fun for you and here. Even if it is working on your relationship with her and her social skills. DIR (floortime) is a good thing to look into.
Also, perhaps look into getting some counselling for yourselves. I wish I had done this when My kids were first diagnosed. I now have a counselor I see weekly who is an autism expert. She gets my family dynamics and has helped me out alot and helped me be a better mom. Having a child with special needs is very stressful. An objective outside person to help you can give you regular ideas and help you out on this.
Again, big hugs to all three of you. This is a rough time. Hopefully you are able to sit back, relax, enjoy her more and enjoy each other more.
Renee
Renee gave some good advice. I have used DIR with Jake for about a year and a half now. Through play we taught him all his colors and numbers. He love Thomas The Tank Engine so it was pretty easy to do colors using all the different trains. As far as not getting basic words like under, over etc. Jake has a hard time with it still. His speech therapist suggested slowing down our sentences so he could have time to process the information. I know it's frustrating because I could tell Jake to find something that's in the same place all the time and he'll just give me this blank stare and I just know he's not understanding me but if I break it down into little pieces then he gets it.It is hard sometimes and there are days when I just don't know what else to do but somehow I muddle through it. Don't beat youself up about it, your only human!
Teresa
Kyra,
Ditto everything Renee said.
Also, I don't mean to scare you but it concerns me that she used to *know* this information and has now lost it. That's a possible regression, and I think you need to alk to the person who evaluated her about it.
One thing whihc helped us with teaching, was to relate it back to Peter's obsession, which at the time was Thomas the Tank Engine. Therefore we had 'red like James" blue like Thomas" etc, just gently repeated in context throughout the day, and that seemed to help.
((((hugs)))) to you both. his is very difficult.
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Hi Kyra,
I'm sorry, I know how hard this is. Really, I do.
I must admit that I don't do a lot of work with Jack... I try and be his mom first and foremost. But often when I try it's very difficult.
Hugs,
Cathy
Kyra,
I also want to give you some hugs!! This is a tough road. I had problems with my dh too. It's hard for them to remain calm and have patience with the kids. My dh took at least a year to start learning how to interact with Nathan. He started watching me. How I spoke to Nathan, things I would say and not say, etc.
You stated in your post that your dd is attending school, does she have any support? You can get great advice from teachers and therapists on what to work on at home. I agree with the other moms....talk slowly, break things down, use simple language. Repetition is key here. I know how exhausting this is, but sometimes our kids take awhile to grasp certain concepts. And then there are concepts that they grasp immediately!! Visuals help tremendously too. Routine, schedules, consistency.
Right now, I'm teaching Nathan how to count money. It's coming along very slowly. Just when I think he's getting it...he points to pennies and asks if he can count by 5's. (NO! That's nickels!!!). And we've been over this a million times!!! It is difficult to remain calm, it takes time.
I'm also concerned, like Paula, about your dd losing her knowledge of her colors. I would look into that too. Some goals take longer to reach, but in the end it's sooo rewarding! Best of luck.
michelle
~Visit my Blog~
Under the Pink
Oh wow, I think we've all been there. It's *soooo* hard. Sometimes I see Sebastian, who's 2 and NT, doing something (say, throwing his cup on the floor for the zillionth time) and I'll very calmly say, "Sebastian, we don't do that," and take the cup away. Whereas I can remember Sylvia at the same age, doing the same thing, and I felt like I was going to tear my hair out because she KEPT THROWING HER CUP ON THE FLOOR!!! I think that I got (and continue to get) so much more frustrated with her because I was (and continue to be) so much more worried about her... So every little thing fed my worry, and sometimes that worry expressed itself as anger and frustration. It's not a good thing, but I don't think it's uncommon...
All the others have given you terrific advice -- advice I should probably take myself, actually! But I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, and you shouldn't be too hard on yourself!
Jennifer
Well I have a couple of suggestions. First of all that when you even start to feel yourself becoming frustrated that is the cue to end the activity. If you begin to get frustrated with her not learning her colors, stop trying to teach her at that point. You are right, you don't know what effect your frustration may have on her, but stopping before you get to that point will be very helpful.
My other suggestion is that you have your daughter evaluated for seizures. Both of my girls have seizures... and I hate to mention that, but she sounds a lot like my daughters. My daughter knew her ABC's when she was 2... about a month later she had a real bad month with her seizures and all that information was gone. She knows them again now and her seizures are under control again. (Over 3 months seizure free.) With my younger daughter who is still actively having seizures I have noticed that you can tell her something over and over and she just won't get it. Sometimes it is just her delays... and sometimes it is because by the time she starts to even think about what you are saying she has a seizure and is interrupted. It is very hard to tell when she is seizing, they only last a few seconds most of the time and it's not long enough for you to notice unless you have learned to recognize the pattern. I would get her evaluated for that to rule it out as a reason for her regression.
I definitely understand how you feel... my unofficially diagnosed daughter with PDD or AS, or SOMETHING.... is VERY hard to deal with. She definitely tried my patience, but I have learned to not even get to the point of frustration, I leave the room before it gets there. That has meant some serious adjustments because she can't be left unattended... but we've made it work.
I'm amazed at you doing this with 3 so young... we have thought about another one but I know we need to get my younger daughter figured out first. I'm afraid a baby wouldn't make it in this house with her around.... my older daughter has a hard enough time defending herself when she needs to.
What other therapies, ect are you doing with her?
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