It is a tough situation but you likely need to say something and she may not take it well. Early intervention is key and even if she really hates you for it now she will appreciate an early start later.
Since she is fiery you will definitely want to be careful how you do it because she may just go into a deep opositional denial then you will lose the friendship AND he won't get early services. We parent's are difficult aren't we!
If you could make her think it was her idea that would be best. See if you can't work a conversation where she brings up concerns and you may want to suggest that if she is concerned perhaps she could have him tested just to rule out any problems.
You could always say that you heard through the grapevine or an online email list about how kids under 3 get free evaluations through thier states early intervention program. You could say it was through your online playgroup or something.(BTW, after 3 a free eval is still available but through your local school district). Perhaps you can offer to find out from those friends how to contact said early intervention program (hint - we here can likely point you in the right direction).
Another idea is to call her pediatrician anonomously and voice your concerns and if it is a good one they will hopefully look into it. Another idea is to approach another family member like dad or grandparents who may have similar concerns and maybe they will be able to discuss it with her more easily.
Ya know, I can also give advice from the friend who had to do the telling.
My nephew is autistic and he is younger than my ASD kids. I was the one who had to break it to his folks. He was delayed language wise and SIL knew then that my oldest was in special ed. So when she mentioned he wasn't talking I was able to go at it from that angle and give her the resources.
Soon I figured out that no one was going to mention autism too her and I had to. I mentioned PDD (Cait's then diagnosis to her) to kind of lighten the blow. I just said it was a bit in the autism family, that it could be genetic and since Cait had it she may want to mention it to her doc. I gave her some info on PDD and autism spectrum stuff.
My BIL (DH's brother) went balistic. He laid into me about how his son WASN'T autistic. He hated me. He told others how he HATED me and WHAT nerve I had. But they started seeking evaluations and services for him for at least the speech delay.
Soon after a mom with an autistic son saw my nephew at the pool and said something to my SIL about my nephew. Suddenly autism made sense and the started looking into supports more earnestly and accepted the autism diagnosis.
My BIL and SIL still attribute thier first learning about my nephews autism to this stranger. They still thank her for making them aware. I know in my heart I was the first to light the way. I don't care if they recognize it or not.
What I know is what I told them at least got the process started AND prepared thier hearts for the tough news when they were ready to hear it from a complete stranger.
BIL doesn't hate me anymore. We usually get along quite well as the only ASD families at family gatherings. We got along quite well for a very long time. Now funnily enough, their son is doing better than my AS one particularly at gatherings so I have to endure listening to BIL's wisdom of what I should be doing for my son. Kind of funny if it wasn't so infuriating. But there you have it. My experience informing a family member thier kid was autistic.
It is a tough situation but you likely need to say something and she may not take it well. Early intervention is key and even if she really hates you for it now she will appreciate an early start later.
Since she is fiery you will definitely want to be careful how you do it because she may just go into a deep opositional denial then you will lose the friendship AND he won't get early services. We parent's are difficult aren't we!
If you could make her think it was her idea that would be best. See if you can't work a conversation where she brings up concerns and you may want to suggest that if she is concerned perhaps she could have him tested just to rule out any problems.
You could always say that you heard through the grapevine or an online email list about how kids under 3 get free evaluations through thier states early intervention program. You could say it was through your online playgroup or something.(BTW, after 3 a free eval is still available but through your local school district). Perhaps you can offer to find out from those friends how to contact said early intervention program (hint - we here can likely point you in the right direction).
Another idea is to call her pediatrician anonomously and voice your concerns and if it is a good one they will hopefully look into it. Another idea is to approach another family member like dad or grandparents who may have similar concerns and maybe they will be able to discuss it with her more easily.
Good luck.
Renee
Sara,
Welcome to the board. I am glad you dropped by for some advice.
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Hiya Sara, welcome to the board.
Speaking from the mom part of this, yes, I would want to be told.
Ya know, I can also give advice from the friend who had to do the telling.
My nephew is autistic and he is younger than my ASD kids. I was the one who had to break it to his folks. He was delayed language wise and SIL knew then that my oldest was in special ed. So when she mentioned he wasn't talking I was able to go at it from that angle and give her the resources.
Soon I figured out that no one was going to mention autism too her and I had to. I mentioned PDD (Cait's then diagnosis to her) to kind of lighten the blow. I just said it was a bit in the autism family, that it could be genetic and since Cait had it she may want to mention it to her doc. I gave her some info on PDD and autism spectrum stuff.
My BIL (DH's brother) went balistic. He laid into me about how his son WASN'T autistic. He hated me. He told others how he HATED me and WHAT nerve I had. But they started seeking evaluations and services for him for at least the speech delay.
Soon after a mom with an autistic son saw my nephew at the pool and said something to my SIL about my nephew. Suddenly autism made sense and the started looking into supports more earnestly and accepted the autism diagnosis.
My BIL and SIL still attribute thier first learning about my nephews autism to this stranger. They still thank her for making them aware. I know in my heart I was the first to light the way. I don't care if they recognize it or not.
What I know is what I told them at least got the process started AND prepared thier hearts for the tough news when they were ready to hear it from a complete stranger.
BIL doesn't hate me anymore. We usually get along quite well as the only ASD families at family gatherings. We got along quite well for a very long time. Now funnily enough, their son is doing better than my AS one particularly at gatherings so I have to endure listening to BIL's wisdom of what I should be doing for my son. Kind of funny if it wasn't so infuriating. But there you have it. My experience informing a family member thier kid was autistic.
Renee