Need Strength

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Need Strength
20
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 1:22pm

I'm to the point where, although I love my daughter, I really don't like her. I know she can't help it, that it's all a part of her multiple diagnoses...but she's simply out of control. The tantrums are unbearable, the screaming is ear piercing, and it's turning our home into a war zone. Positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, no reinforcement...all attempts have been met with little to no change in her behavior. She gained 20 lbs. on the last mood stabilizer, and now we're concerned she may have contracted diabetes because of it.

Not too long ago, I posted a reply that said something to the effect of, "If offered a cure, I wouldn't give it to her...she's perfect just the way she is." Well, I take it back. I'd be the first in line for the magic potion. I don't care if that makes me a bad person. I don't care if that means people think I feel like God gave me a damaged child...but I've lost my faith, I've lost my patience, and if it weren't for the other three children, I'd give serious consideration to running away.

And no, respite isn't an option. The only family we have in this area are incapable and unwilling to help, and the few friends we do have, well I love them all too much to do it to them. Having recently taken a hiatus from my one "out of the house" activity, I feel like I'm stuck in the revolving door with no opportunity to escape.

My husband is my rock. I am constantly amazed that our marriage is capable of holding steady through all of this. Without him, I'd be nothing.

Sorry for the bummer of a post. I know I should be grateful that things aren't any worse than they are, but if I hear, "God only gives us what we have the strength to endure" one more time, I just might punch the person in the nose.

Thanks for letting me vent.

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Amy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
In reply to: manec93
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 2:05pm

Hello Amy,


I can feel your frustration in your post, but I'm sorry I couldn't help but laugh myself silly because I know the feeling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2009
In reply to: manec93
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 2:27pm
I'm sorry, and I understand.
Avatar for littleroses
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: manec93
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 2:41pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
In reply to: manec93
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 3:18pm

{{{{{AMY}}}}}

I've had only a small taste of what you are going through, but I know the feeling of not liking your child very well.

I"m so sorry that you are going through this. Lots of cyber hugs, chocolate, and wine. Just remember that you are an amazing woman.

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2007
In reply to: manec93
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 3:33pm

OK, this may sound clinical and even an over the top suggestion but what is the possibility you can have Claire hospitalized in a pediatric psych clinic? It would give you exposure to other professionals, (other than the useless one you have). I know many feel by the time it gets to that need it's because the child is sneaking around the house at night with the Bread knife, but you would be surprised at who ends up for a psych hold and for what reason; far less than what you are enduring right now too. Liam was on the cusp of being admitted last November and then I found the pdoc we currently have. I know if I was in that position again (where Liam is effectively ruling the house, tantrumming every hour on the hour and terrorizing everyone) I would absolutely not think twice about admittance.

You need a team to help Claire (and you) and you are not getting that team support at present. Liam has been on so many meds I am embarrassed to list them here, but trial and error is the only way with going the medication route if you chose to go that way. Yes, the side effects are often terrifying, but I had to ask if living in fear 24/7 (himself as well as the family) was a better alternative. He's not "cured" but he's not assaulting people anymore over the word "No" and he can work through a meltdown faster, and even half rationalize about it afterward (NEVER happened before, EVER!)

Again, I know it sounds extreme; I am just throwing it out there, feel free to fling it back if you need;)

Dee

Avatar for sselwa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: manec93
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 4:26pm
Just want to offer my support. You aren't alone.
Susan, mom to Sam
Susan, mom to Sam 11 and Connor 9
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: manec93
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 4:41pm

Thank you, everyone. It does help to know I'm not alone. And Dee, we have considered the option of hospitalization...almost every day. We just haven't had the guts to "make the leap" and do it. But the way things are going, we just might have to.

Hugs to all of you for your support.

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Amy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
In reply to: manec93
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 5:26pm

Update:

Just spoke with DH, he called the pdoc office and got her an "emergency visit" for tomorrow morning. If the doctor recommends hospitalization, then that's what we'll have to do. I'll keep you all posted.

Thanks again for the support~

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Amy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2007
In reply to: manec93
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 5:35pm

Check your fb messages

D xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
In reply to: manec93
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 6:20pm

Oh Amy . I am so sorry everything is so hard right now. I hope you get help soon. And God (if he's out there) so DOES often send us way more than we can cope with: I've lost count of how many times I've been curled up in a ball in tears and hated myself because I can't cope. You aren't alone, we're all thinking of you

Kirsty

"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"


Follow my blog on http://mumsnet.com/blogs/kirsteinr/


 

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