Find a Conversation
|Thu, 02-11-2010 - 1:22pm|
I'm to the point where, although I love my daughter, I really don't like her. I know she can't help it, that it's all a part of her multiple diagnoses...but she's simply out of control. The tantrums are unbearable, the screaming is ear piercing, and it's turning our home into a war zone. Positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, no reinforcement...all attempts have been met with little to no change in her behavior. She gained 20 lbs. on the last mood stabilizer, and now we're concerned she may have contracted diabetes because of it.
Not too long ago, I posted a reply that said something to the effect of, "If offered a cure, I wouldn't give it to her...she's perfect just the way she is." Well, I take it back. I'd be the first in line for the magic potion. I don't care if that makes me a bad person. I don't care if that means people think I feel like God gave me a damaged child...but I've lost my faith, I've lost my patience, and if it weren't for the other three children, I'd give serious consideration to running away.
And no, respite isn't an option. The only family we have in this area are incapable and unwilling to help, and the few friends we do have, well I love them all too much to do it to them. Having recently taken a hiatus from my one "out of the house" activity, I feel like I'm stuck in the revolving door with no opportunity to escape.
My husband is my rock. I am constantly amazed that our marriage is capable of holding steady through all of this. Without him, I'd be nothing.
Sorry for the bummer of a post. I know I should be grateful that things aren't any worse than they are, but if I hear, "God only gives us what we have the strength to endure" one more time, I just might punch the person in the nose.
Thanks for letting me vent.