Need to vent......having bad day

Avatar for suitemadameblue
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Need to vent......having bad day
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 5:20pm
****Warning…this is VERY long! Also, please know that I do NOT normally talk negatively about my family like this, but I am having an absolute horrid day right now****

I shouldn't be spending the day before Easter wishing I were someplace else. Started out today with my hubby not waking up to go with us to my daughter's eye doctor appt - which he has known about for almost 3wks. Said he forgot about it, so he wanted to stay in bed. I wouldn't care so much, except that he did the exact same thing earlier this week with Tristan's play at school - forgot that it was that particular morning, and wouldn't get out of bed, so I had to do it alone.

We get back from the eye doc (my 5yo needs reading glasses, now), and hubby is awake. We all color eggs, the kids went over to the playground, and then he gets ready and heads off to work. His schedule (beyond his control) is really taking a toll on me lately, which isn’t helping the stress levels, any. Not too long after he leaves, the kids come back. Once they realize dad isn’t here anymore, the begin insisting on drinks and snacks – which they already know the answer to. Back over to the playground they go.

After some time, I decide to head over (it’s practically in our backyard) and just see how they are doing. On the way, I pass Tristan’s helmet, but not his bike. He sees me coming and yells to Hollyann that I’m on my way, which starts her yelling and crying. While looking at her, he begins to head back to the house WITHOUT his bike. When I ask him to take it back to the house since he isn’t riding it, he flips! Stomps his feet, yells at me, nasty tantrum. Hollyann is still fussing loudly, but is heading my way. I ask once more, a little more sternly, for Tristan to take his bike – he answers no, that he is going to be coming right back. Surprise…NO he is not! Neither of them will be going back to the playground tonight, and I pick up his bike and inform him of exactly that. (in fact, because of the defiance from both of them, they are grounded from the playground for 2 days – a rule that they know very well.)

In the house, the wailing gets even louder. They begin demanding drinks and get mad when I say there isn’t any (they have finished the drinks thru-out the day without my knowledge whenever they would stop back in for a “quick break”). The wailing gets louder. I then reach my limit, and tell them that they either put away their toys – properly! – or the Easter Bunny won’t come. UGH!!! Way to go, Momma…………W-R-O-N-G choice of words for Tristan!!!!

Hollyann is crying rather loudly, but is beginning to pick up toys. Upon realizing my mistake, I see a way to quickly correct it. I praise Hollyann for helping, and tell both of them that if they BOTH continue to help and clean up, that the E.B. will most likely still come. Tristan is in a meltdown. Didn’t hear me, didn’t realize that I have just given him total grace, nothing. He is just standing in the middle of the room, crying HARD, and in a trance. Ugh, I have seen this before…total and complete meltdown, and it happened about this time last year (which is how we ended up at the psych with our dx).

I do my best to get him to look at me, and I say loudly while still being Stern but Soft (that’s hard!!!), that if he just picks up his toys (count them………three things, all of which are right at his feet!) that the E.B. WILL come for a visit tonight. He’s looking at me, but he is now at the point of no-control – as if he wants to stop, but can’t.

I go outside, almost in tears myself, and call hubby at work ---- I need someone to talk to. He’s not in the office, so I must stress to the guy on the other end that I MUST talk to my husband soon. Tristan then realizes whom it was that I called and cries even harder. A few minutes later, he calls back. As the phone is ringing, Tristan is calming down (Pavlov’s dog?). I manage to compose myself to tell him what was going on, and that I just needed him to talk to me (at this point, my day is about to come pouring out thru my eyes). He gets me calmed down, and then asks how I am doing. I told him I was tired of dealing with all this, and that I just want to go home and not deal with anything – he said that I am home. That started my tears. Every week his schedule changes and for the next two cycles he will work afternoon/evenings and then night, so with him sleeping during the day, we barely get to see him for almost 15days straight. I HATE THIS!!!!! Two-and-a-half-years of this, with about another year to go, and even he hates it, making things that much worse!! And this chaotic schedule really doesn’t help with Tristan. Anyway….I did my best to not let loose on him at work, and he did his best to keep me calm. He then reminded me that the doc told us last time that if Tristan ever had another episode, to give him some Benedryl and try to let him sleep things away. That’s what I have done and he is now zonked.

My mind is just now so emotionally strained that I just want to sleep for days on end. Yes, I have plenty of friends to talk to around here, but the only one that really understood my dealings with Tristan moved back to Iowa a couple weeks ago. There is supposedly an Autism support group in this area, so I think I am going to have to do some research and find them. I also need to get my rear in gear and find the name of the original doc that we were referred to and try to get in with him, regardless of insurance. This psych we are with right now doesn’t care about the PDD-NOS part of her dx, and that is beginning to take its toll.

Oh man…sorry for the loooooooooong post of nothing but vent. But, I do feel a little better knowing that I got all that out to others who can relate.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 11:27pm
First of all, BIG HUG. I know exactly how you feel. I've been feeling the same way lately. Which is one of the reasons I haven't been online much lately. I can't concentrate to save my life.

Between the baby's dr's apts and her sleep schedule (or rather LACK of sleep schedule) I seem to have no time to do much of anything else. But of course, no one else can do what mom does. It gets really irritating because there are so many things that other people in the house can do, things that are obvious to me, but no one ever does them without being told. My DH is the worst......well, okay, maybe not the worst. But it sure feels like it when there are a ton of things to do (that he has been told about) and he waits for me to tell him to do it. Which, of course, requires me being awake b/c notes don't cut it with him.

The other day DH had the day off from work (YIPPIE) and I asked him the night before to get the girls started on their math books after breakfast. He said he would. So after spending all night being awake with the baby I finally got to bed around 7am. The girls were just waking up and so was DH. Feeling confidant that my older kids were in good hands I toddled off to bed. Only to wake up at 2pm with a 3yo in my face saying she was hungry. When I told her to go tell her dad she said "I can't, he went fishing." !!!! Sure enough, Jade (8yo) told me that dh had microwaved some waffles, set out their mathbooks, and took off to go fishing for the day. (GRRRRRRRRRRR). And, of course, he didn't see a problem with this. He said "Well, Ayla and Scottie were here when I left." (Ayla and Scottie are teens) I had to point out to him that they both had co-op classes they had to go to. They hadn't realized that he had left when they went out to catch thier ride. It's not their job to keep track of their parents and younger siblings. But dh STILL couldn't see why I was upset.

Sigh, oh well, I'm a little better today. LOL. But just so you know, you're not alone.