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| Thu, 01-17-2008 - 12:13pm |
I don't know if it's on this board or the autism board that I've posted before, but I thought I would post here since we're looking at more of a dx of PDD, HFA or Asperger's...
My dd, who just turned three, is having a rough day today. Now that she's actually talking a lot more, I understand what's caused her to cry through most of her day the first 2 1/2 years. Today, it's because she needed a tissue and didn't know to get up and get one herself. She dropped her snack on the floor, she wanted her snack in one place and I put in another. She wants things just so, in the "right" place, where I put it the last time, etc. Anything different results in tears. And she's also having a rough time seeming to know what to do next today. She's talking a lot but most of it's nonsense, babbling, jargon or just not appropriate conversation that makes sense (lots of words that are clear but they're all mixed up and causing sentences that that don't make any sense). Then, she kept asking me for her friend next door. She asked over and over where this child was, what she was doing, can she come over, etc. Over and over. I answered her every time, but finally she just broke down in tears and had to have this girl over. So I left the house in the rain, went next door and asked the mom if her daughter could come play. Now that the little girl is here, my dd won't play with her or talk to her and just wants to watch her play. She seems to need an unusual amount of attention today.
All of this is usual behavior, in that it happens at least four days out of each week, but I am tired today and frustrated so I needed to share it.
Her language and ability to tell us what's wrong (instead of responding with nothing or "yea" when I ask why she's crying or what she wants) has improved to the point that I've been wondering if anything is wrong at all. And then we have these days where most of her language is non-sensical or echolalia, she's obsessive over an idea (like the neighbor coming over) and wants my constant attention but won't actually interact with me if I give it to her. She cries over everything and has trouble following any directions and I have to repeat myself multiple times until I finally end up raising my voice and then she moves into action. She doesn't have an attitude about it, she just seems...deaf.
It's hard to watch, hard to manage (I work from home too and there's no down time - no nap, no moment when she isn't seeking my attention) and hard to understand. Why there are some good days where she doesn't need my direction and guidance as much and other days where she has such low tone, low ability to function independently (has to be carried down the stairs or she tantrums) and can't be left alone or play independently for any length of time.
Why does it come and go like this? It's like a rollercoaster where I think "ok, we're on the upswing, she's going to be ok. This was all just an over-reaction and she just developed a little slower and now she's ok." And then, the next day, I'm back to square one, wondering why my child needs help to know how to play, can't stop crying, doesn't make any sense in her communication and won't stop repeating movie lines or songs from tv.
Is it like this for everyone?

3 is a tough age, but things do get better.
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Welcome to the group! You're not alone. I feel the same way sometimes, even now. I remember when my youngest was a baby/toddler and I spent so many days thinking that something wasn't right and then she would seem to be better on certain days and I would think that everything was going to be fine. It really does feel like an emotional roller coaster ride. My dd didn't walk till she was three due to low tone so I can sympathize with how hard it is to cart your child around all day when other kids their age are running around and doing things. She also didn't talk till about 3, and so up to that point she couldn't tell me why she was crying. She still perseverates some and has trouble with conversational speech, but she's getting better with that. My dd was also very rigid about her routine when she was 2-4 yrs old. It's gotten much better lately. I think being in school has helped her a lot to get past some of those behaviors. Like another poster said, I too remember being so relieved when she started special-ed preschool because I finally had some time to myself. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with her, but I just didn't know what to do with her all day. I felt like a failure as a mother because I couldn't even get her to look at me when I called her name. I felt so disconnected from her. She didn't want to play like other kids her age. She was just so fussy and demanding all day. Our whole family walked on egg shells around her. But, like I said, things are much better now since she's started preschool and gotten a bit older. Her eye contact is still not normal, but it's better than before. Some days I feel like I'm actually connecting with her emotionally. It does get better for many children as they grow older. As far as pursuing a dx for your daughter, I think that it would be a good idea. Even though my dh and I were sad when she was dx'd with pdd-nos, at the same time it was a relief because then we knew we weren't crazy after all. Also, having a dx should help you if you want to enroll your dd in public preschool. It should help her qualify for certain services and therapies. I hope this helps you to at least know you're not alone. We're all here for you!
Amy~Natalie & Lily's mom
Around 3yo
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com