Neighborhood Dilemma
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| Thu, 01-04-2007 - 1:23pm |
Santa dropped a bomb in our neighborhood (lol)! My next door neighbor has a daughter who is almost 7 and athletically gifted. Well, she got a VERY large trampoline for Christmas. It is about 10 ft across and very high up, at least 4 ft. This has been a nightmare for us because her daughter constantly asks for my ds to come play on it or he gets home on the bus and sees her on it and won't want to come inside our house!
The neighbor girl's mom is a teacher of first grade. She does not supervise the children while they are on it. There is also a 12 year old girl on the other side(next door)that goes on it. So far, we have only let Liam on it if dh or I am right there monitoring things but that means I have to drop everything I am doing to go stand next to a trampoline. Obviously if everyone else gets to go on it right in front of my ds and he doesn't I am the bad guy and he tantrums. They did not have the safety net up until yesturday but even with the safety net I still don't feel comfortable. With hypotonia I am pretty sure they can dislocate easier but I plan to ask our PT. Another factor is that they have a dog that weighs around 85# that is a puppy that they have never trained. So it constantly jumps on me if I am there to monitor. This hurts! Nothing against dogs, we have a dog. I want the dog to be able to be there just NOT to jump on me! So due to this I *really* don't like going over to monitor.
My reasons for not wanting him on this thing are due to his hypotonia (low muscle tone). He is only four, weighs about 35# and is very clumsy. We have already had a surgery when he was 10 months to reimplant his front tooth (don't ask). This same tooth was nearly knocked out while he was running on the blacktop his first couple of weeks at school(when he was 3). He had to undergo another surgery to remove the tooth (we tried waiting but it did not come out on it's own).
We are trying to figure out how we feel about this and what our rules will be before we tactfully talk to the neighbor about it. Any ideas? Do you understand where I am coming from? I think that the neighbors including the kids won't understand because they do not experience special needs or know anything about it. Not that that really matters. What matters to me is that I keep my ds safe and if I appear overprotective than so be it.
Molly

I would use his age since he is so much younger than the others. Just put the blame on yourself. Tell them he is still really little and you are an overprotective mom so you are not yet ready to let him go without either you or his dad there to monitor. Then feel free to say no if you are not able to go monitor or to set a time limit when you do. Your world doesn't have to revolve around the new trampoline. Set up ground rules around which you are comfortable. Since he is so much younger than all the other kids you can use that to get away with it if they won't "get" the special needs thing. Or you can try the special needs card but in this situation they may try to be the saviors and offer how jumping on the tramp and socializing will fix him.
But honest, special needs or not, I would not allow my 4yo on a trampoline with bigger kids without alot of supervision. And then I would only allow with the bigger kids IF those kids were very responsible and safe. In other words, they changed thier behavior when he was on the tramp to be watchful and considerate to him.
Tramps are not as safe as one might think. My BIL and SIL have one and even now the boys are only allowed on when over there IF either dad or I are outside to monitor for similar reasons.
Renee
Up until the day after Thanksgiving, we had a 15 ft tramp with enclosure. We get really strong winds around here, and it wasn't properly tethered to the ground and it blew into our neighbor's tree. I am really bummed, because it was a great sensory thing for Ryan, (and exercise for me), but that is another thread.
But as a former tramp owner, I am really surprised that the family hasn't set rules of their own for their tramp. I don't care how athletic their daughter may be, or their understanding of special needs, those things can be dangerous, and require adult supervision at all times in my opinion. And if someone gets hurt on your property, well, you're liable.
We set the rules right away, and explained them to Ryan (my ds - 7), and to all the neighborhood kids who flocked to our yard when they saw the thing go up. No one on it without dh or I being around to supervise, no exceptions. The tramp warning labels state you should only have one person on at a time, but there is a 200 or 250lb weight limit.. so we allowed no more than 3 small or 2 big kids on at a time. No fighting, pushing or kicking, or you're banned for the day. I could go on and on, but you get the picture. I totally see where you are coming from. I agree with Renee, use the age factor. 4 is a little young to be on with 7 or 12 year olds, IMHO, regardless of physical issues. The lightest person on the tramp gets bounced around much more than the heaviest, so we were always careful when the young kids were on.
We have a similar issue with neighbors who have pools. Some don't really watch the kids as closely as they should. So dh and I set our own rules, like ds can't go in the pool without dh or I being there. Ds used to complain, and at first the neighbors thought we were over protective, but we didn't care. Now they realize they get free baby sitting when ds goes over to swim, so now they actually like it.
Bottom line, I think for now, you'll have to make your own rules for your ds. Your neighbors may not understand.. but once they get some aggressive kid pushing people around on the tramp, or 10 kids on it at once, they're gonna realize they need to set rules.
I have a dog too, and I would never continue to let it jump up on someone continually. But I know alot of people who don't seem to care, like their dog is not their responsibility.
Just my thoughts..
Kate (who is missing her tramp in this warm january weather in PA)
I agree with everyone else. Use the age card. MY feelings of it is that at 4 years old, my child doesn't go anywhere without me or some other adult constantly supervising them. I know this sounds bad, but since we live on a military base, the Military Police rules state at 4 years old, your child isn't more than arm's length from you or a responsible adult ever.
We had our own trampoline delima a while back. My kids ( at the time 9 and 8) were invited to go hang out at their friend's house and jump on their trampoline. I talked to the parents and found out their rules for trampoline usage and agreed with those rules and added my own "no glasses" rule. Well, her kids played on it so much that when my kids wanted to play, they had to play on the trampoline to be with their friends. One day when her kids didn't want to play on the trampoline and mine did, those kids accused my two of "ONLY wanting to play trampoline" not with them. I was livid about this but said okay. Told my two that they were not allowed at that house for a while. If they wanted to play with their friends they had to play in the front yards or at the park. After a while, her kids realized that it wasn't my kids wanting to play trampoline it was them and they started asking if my kids could come play on the trampoline. After that, I made certain to monitor the time they spent over at that house. That particular house lead to all sorts of other problems eventually and of course my kids were always to blame.
Anyway, Bryanna ( my 9 year old) made friends with another little girl ( we call the two of them the Dora twins because they both look like Dora the Explorer, down to the haircuts) and her parents bought a trampoline. Well, Bry's friend had a two year old little brother. We ALWAYS made the other kids get off so that the two year old could play, or we'd allow one big kid to get on and "bounce the babies" as we called it. It was usually Victor who got on because he's SOOOO good with little ones. He'd lightly bounce and the two year old and his three year old friend would run circles around him but think that it was the greatest because there was a big kid playing with them.
So anyways, from these stories, I just wanted to let you know that you need to do what is right for your son. I've learned tho that when it dawns on people just how much younger the small kids are, they tend to change their toons.
Alexis
When my dd was little (she is now a beautiful 19 yr old who has grown with all the therapy we did), she was dx'd with Borderline Personality Disorder.
This disorder meant that she was a very angry and a aggressive child, who needed boundary's when it came to playing with other kids. I would get so nervous everytime she wanted to go out with other kids or they asked her to play because I always new the outcome.
My dd's therapist suggested I give her a small bits of time to play and then get her to come in until she did better. I did that, gave it like 15, 20 min incremints until she did better with her social skills.
With the trampoline, well thats what I would do. I would of explained to her at the time, this is how much time you can jump, and then you have to play at home. Give him 15 min, while your there, and then bring him home. He's happy that he gets to jump for a few (make sure he can jump alone maybe) and then see if you can get another child to come back over and play.
If not, then you know the newness of this trampoline will diminish eventually, and everyone will ignore it for awhile....
{{{hugs}}} Cuz I remember going thru something similar.
We have a trampoline, 10 ft with a net on at all times. The rules around here are one person on at a time, no exceptions, ever. Having more than one person on there at a time is just an accident waiting to happen. There is a lot of head to head knocking and can see teeth flying as a consequence plus there is a risk of spinal injury with trampolines. Never jump unless an adult is there, even with the net. No shoes or water bottles on the trampoline while jumping.
Our neighbour's have one without a net. We were invited up for an 'ice cream' party this summer and about a dozen kids were there with parents. I walked around the corner of their house to check on the kids and there were four on the trampoline, three 8-10 year olds and my son, 5 (who knew better). One of the older kids (who should have known better) did a flip and I was too far away, running toward them actually, and the kid hit my son with his feet. He wasn't hurt but really scared and he cried and cried. After ward I looked up trampoline safety online and found quite a few articles, reputable reports and studies, stating that the dangers are highly under rated.
http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/9806/26/trampoline.danger/
http://www.aap.org/advocacy/archives/maytra.htm
http://www.plappinsurance.com/persart20.asp
I've read that doctors recommend parents not get them at all. My son needs to bounce, he needs the vestibular activity so we have a small one in the house for winter and love the one outside for summer and will have it as long as we enjoy it but he must never use it without us there. He's been told since we bought it (he was 4) that it's not safe, period, to use it without us there. If I've ever found him on it without me (and I have), I firmly say it's not safe and tell him to get off, if he doesn't, I take him off. There were a couple tantrums but he knows now.
Our neighbour's trampoline is completely off limits even if there are adults there. It has no net and if he wants to jump on one he can go home and use his because the parents do not supervise their kids. We actually avoid visits with those particular neighbours these days. Their girls teased my son and kept doing it over and over just to see him cry, I'm convinced of it. I didn't have a diagnosis then and I was seen as over protective and my son was considered babied and spoiled. C'est la vie. I'm not sure if they knew he was special needs they would care anyway. There seems to be a complete lack of awareness around autism here. The assumptions are ridiculous, like your child has to be Rain Man or something. Sorry.../tangent
I wonder, could you pick up a small one for in the house? Ours was really inexpensive $40 CAD I think (but such a pain to assemble so worth it though), it takes up a good bit of floor space but it's needed. If your guy had one maybe it would be easier to redirect him to home. My son really seeks the jumping so it's now a necessity around here.