((HUGS)) I know exactly how you feel, BTDT. But it does get better. A couple of quick thoughts.
Even though Bobby's play skills may not be the same as his peers, he IS interested in interacting with them. Ryan's (7 AS) therapists would always say this. They felt they could teach him appropriate social skills, but if he didn't want to interact at all, that would be a different problem.
We also live in a neighborhood with lots of kids, but I found it was better if Ryan played with 1 or 2 kids at a time, in a big group he got overstimulated and sometimes out of hand. Also, although I'm not always good at doing this.. it helps if you sort of supervise or organize the play. This will be harder for you because you have a another little one. I would set up certain toys for the kids to play with on our deck or our yard. Ryan always had a bunch of toys that he didn't really want to play with, so I would bring those out too, often the other kids would play with them and Ryan wouldn't get too possessive! This way I could watch what was happening and hopefully prevent Ryan from getting upset over some stupid thing.
Another thing, 4 -5 were tough years for peer interaction for us. It seemed like there was a big gap between Ryan and his same age peers. Now at 7, there is still a gap, but it's not as big. Ryan now plays well with kids a little younger than him, he has a neighborhood buddy who is 5 1/2.
One more thing, boys get over little tiffs quickly, (alot quicker than their moms, lol).
I run into the same thing about other parents not inviting Ryan over. It really hurts. I do still invite their kids over though. Maybe someday they'll get it.
I know this heartache myself, but the biggest issue here is dealing with how YOU feel about Bobby having more difficulties in this arena. Which is hard, it's hard to watch your child struggle and not do easily what other children can do. But the other poster is right, they are young and tiffs blow over, you must remember they are ALL learning. All children fight and even pick on each other. Bobby may need your help more, but you won't be the only mother who needs to interfere, I bet.
I started having lots of regular one-on-one playdates for Malcolm when he was 3 and got very close with other mothers. Malcolm loves other children as well, but when he was left to his own devices, he was shy and withdrawn when little. I needed to be involved to help him learn how to play and did not often let him go into groups of children unattended. I played with them, pulled back awhile when things were going well, stepped back in when they weren't. Actually, all children can benefit from some help with playing, esp. when very young, but even now when Malcolm is almost 9.
We had lots of one-other-child playdates over the years, outside, too, on playgrounds, in parks, going together to activities. Many weeks he had 4 or 5 playdates a week. When Malcolm has connected with a child, that connection can carry over to outside and being with other kids better. But when he was younger, one at a time worked best.
Malcolm has learned much about playing with other kids, but it has taken time and serious amounts of practise. And he also has had many hours of play therapy with professionals as well. He still can have troubles, but they are not so far off from age-appropriate troubles now. It is a real thrill to hear him discussing rules of a game with a new group of kids on the playground, greeting kids he remembers from other times, etc.
I think you can keep letting Bobby go out there to play, and this is good for him. And you also shouldn't necessarily withdraw Bobby when there is difficulty, this other child was involved, too... What was this other mother doing while Bobby was being pushed? I am not shy about reprimanding another child who is misbehaving, within reason, of course, if the other parents are not getting involved.
Anyways, learning to play with other children is important, but will possibly need alot more intervention and assistance from you than an NT child would, but hey --- otherwise our children would not have a dx! Be the one who initiates the playdates, this is therapy!!!
((HUGS)) Tina.....I know exactly how you feel. My guy begs me everyday to be able to go outside and play with the two brothers down the street. Unfortunately (or fortunately) son can not read their body language and facial expressions. When these two see my son running over, the roll their eyes, mumble under their breath, give their best "go away" look - but son does not notice. They run into their backyard to avoid him and my guy will just run right after them. I always follow him and their mom is always outside with them.....so the two of us talk. She is very embarrassed at how her sons treat my guy - but what can you do? Force them to play with him? So I play the bad guy and make up excuses as to why we can't go over their house.
Recently we have found several other boys in our neighborhood that are more willing to play with son.....so things are better.
Hang in there.....I know it is rough. My heart breaks everytime son says that so-and-so is having a birthday party and he is not invited.
Tina, (((HUGS))) When I move to Delaware County Bobby is more than welcome to come play with Jake anytime! I mean it because I know how hard it is to always be on edge when Jake plays with other kids. I constantly worry he'll push someone that gets to close and he has the tendency to kind of fall into people because of his poor body awareness. You know today at school Jake hit another child and when the OT came to me afterwards(she witnessed the whole thing) she said the other child started it. I think what happened to Bobby is very typical for his age.Anyway, try not to worry about it too much! Teresa
(((((((((((Bobby and Tina)))))))))))))
All I can do is hug you, because I know exactly how you feel.
Tina,
((HUGS)) I know exactly how you feel, BTDT. But it does get better. A couple of quick thoughts.
Even though Bobby's play skills may not be the same as his peers, he IS interested in interacting with them. Ryan's (7 AS) therapists would always say this. They felt they could teach him appropriate social skills, but if he didn't want to interact at all, that would be a different problem.
We also live in a neighborhood with lots of kids, but I found it was better if Ryan played with 1 or 2 kids at a time, in a big group he got overstimulated and sometimes out of hand. Also, although I'm not always good at doing this.. it helps if you sort of supervise or organize the play. This will be harder for you because you have a another little one. I would set up certain toys for the kids to play with on our deck or our yard. Ryan always had a bunch of toys that he didn't really want to play with, so I would bring those out too, often the other kids would play with them and Ryan wouldn't get too possessive! This way I could watch what was happening and hopefully prevent Ryan from getting upset over some stupid thing.
Another thing, 4 -5 were tough years for peer interaction for us. It seemed like there was a big gap between Ryan and his same age peers. Now at 7, there is still a gap, but it's not as big. Ryan now plays well with kids a little younger than him, he has a neighborhood buddy who is 5 1/2.
One more thing, boys get over little tiffs quickly, (alot quicker than their moms, lol).
I run into the same thing about other parents not inviting Ryan over. It really hurts. I do still invite their kids over though. Maybe someday they'll get it.
Hang in there, hope this helps.
Kate
Dear Tina,
I know this heartache myself, but the biggest issue here is dealing with how YOU feel about Bobby having more difficulties in this arena. Which is hard, it's hard to watch your child struggle and not do easily what other children can do. But the other poster is right, they are young and tiffs blow over, you must remember they are ALL learning. All children fight and even pick on each other. Bobby may need your help more, but you won't be the only mother who needs to interfere, I bet.
I started having lots of regular one-on-one playdates for Malcolm when he was 3 and got very close with other mothers. Malcolm loves other children as well, but when he was left to his own devices, he was shy and withdrawn when little. I needed to be involved to help him learn how to play and did not often let him go into groups of children unattended. I played with them, pulled back awhile when things were going well, stepped back in when they weren't. Actually, all children can benefit from some help with playing, esp. when very young, but even now when Malcolm is almost 9.
We had lots of one-other-child playdates over the years, outside, too, on playgrounds, in parks, going together to activities. Many weeks he had 4 or 5 playdates a week. When Malcolm has connected with a child, that connection can carry over to outside and being with other kids better. But when he was younger, one at a time worked best.
Malcolm has learned much about playing with other kids, but it has taken time and serious amounts of practise. And he also has had many hours of play therapy with professionals as well. He still can have troubles, but they are not so far off from age-appropriate troubles now. It is a real thrill to hear him discussing rules of a game with a new group of kids on the playground, greeting kids he remembers from other times, etc.
I think you can keep letting Bobby go out there to play, and this is good for him. And you also shouldn't necessarily withdraw Bobby when there is difficulty, this other child was involved, too... What was this other mother doing while Bobby was being pushed? I am not shy about reprimanding another child who is misbehaving, within reason, of course, if the other parents are not getting involved.
Anyways, learning to play with other children is important, but will possibly need alot more intervention and assistance from you than an NT child would, but hey --- otherwise our children would not have a dx! Be the one who initiates the playdates, this is therapy!!!
Sara
ilovemalcolm
I'm sorry. The social stuff is the hardest part, IMO. HUGS
Samantha
((HUGS)) Tina.....I know exactly how you feel. My guy begs me everyday to be able to go outside and play with the two brothers down the street. Unfortunately (or fortunately) son can not read their body language and facial expressions. When these two see my son running over, the roll their eyes, mumble under their breath, give their best "go away" look - but son does not notice. They run into their backyard to avoid him and my guy will just run right after them. I always follow him and their mom is always outside with them.....so the two of us talk. She is very embarrassed at how her sons treat my guy - but what can you do? Force them to play with him? So I play the bad guy and make up excuses as to why we can't go over their house.
Recently we have found several other boys in our neighborhood that are more willing to play with son.....so things are better.
Hang in there.....I know it is rough. My heart breaks everytime son says that so-and-so is having a birthday party and he is not invited.
((HUGS))
Christie
(((HUGS)))
When I move to Delaware County Bobby is more than welcome to come play with Jake anytime! I mean it because I know how hard it is to always be on edge when Jake plays with other kids. I constantly worry he'll push someone that gets to close and he has the tendency to kind of fall into people because of his poor body awareness. You know today at school Jake hit another child and when the OT came to me afterwards(she witnessed the whole thing) she said the other child started it. I think what happened to Bobby is very typical for his age.Anyway, try not to worry about it too much!
Teresa