New and i need your opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2008
New and i need your opinion
7
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 6:25pm
I have 3 kids, my oldest DD 8 was dx with AS, when she was 3. After lots of intervention, she is doing quite well, mainstreamed in second year, doing well academically. BUT in the social area she is struggling, to keep friends. Her main issues are conversation. For some reason she can have a normal conversation at home either with me or with her siblings and also with cousins. But at school she is more shy and she will withdraw easily. She never has had a best friend. But she writes stories about being invited to a playdates and been friend of the popular kids in her classroom. When we see her classmates out of the school or in parties, she is either very shy or will try to join , just following, not talking. So I don't know what to do , we don't have other issues, she is nice and a good kid, this year she's been very responsible, she has good grades, except writing, but in general she is doing good. Now my question is I don't know what to do I spoke with a dev. ped. and I don't know If a should re-evaluate to see where is she now, if she has processing issues or language problems, or else. Or I have to go direct to a Speech Pathologist to evaluate her. She was released from therapies a year a go when we moved from Dallas. My husband started his own business, what means own insurance which won't cover nothing. So I don't know what to do. So any suggestion will be appreciated, thanks
Lily
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 8:02am

Does your daughter's school offer a social skills group?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2008
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 9:18pm
She was in a friendship club in the school. Two weeks ago she came and told me that she was released from the club because she was told from the counselor 'your friendship problem is solved', so I was very angry because I know that it was not solved, now she won't to go back because as she told me I don't have a problem, Im just shy. I know that is not shyness her problem, she loves birthday parties and school activities, but she ends all by herself, because she has trouble fitting in. Unless she is playing with younger girls. So tomorrow I have a teacher conference and a meeting with her counselor to discuss it. It is hard because she is not affected academically and doesn't have behavior problem at school, so for the teacher is not a problem. But I am worried for her self esteem. I have seen her when she is in a group and they are talking, that she wants to say something, her voice is not loud, or she turns her head. When they are in a line she is always the last one. Last year a girl told my younger dd that her sister was weird. Last year she was in a catholic school, this year she is in a smaller public school, where I notice she is happier but still no friends. I don't know if her problem it's just social or is language or processing related or a little bit of everything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Sun, 03-09-2008 - 9:19pm

I don't know if this could work for you, but I know that here in Illinois there is a state insurance program for kids. There may be income cutoffs but it might be worth looking into whether your state has a program or not. Just a thought.

Another good source of socialization is thru semi-structured activities like girl scouts or 4H or other organizations. If we weren't so busy after school with therapies, I'd like to get DS into scouting. He's not got any friends to speak of yet.

Find an activity that your DD would like and then pursue clubs and classes in that area. It's easier to talk to people when you have a shared interest - and if it's a special interest, so much the better! LOL

HTH

Drea

Andrea, mom to

Graham
Miles
Anson
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 8:04am
She sounds quite a bit like my DD.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2008
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 9:45am
How old is your daughter? It's very encouraging to hear that your DD is making friends. I have just had the teacher conference this morning, and teacher was surprised that I was only asking about how she was doing socially. She told me she was doing better, but she couldn't tell if she had a good friend who plays with her at recess, She told me that she joins other playing in the playground, but I don't know how are her interactions. So I left with the same question mark in my face. Counselor canceled and Im going to see her at the end of the week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 1:14pm
My dd is 11.5 and the reason she went to a bigger school is that she graduated elementary school and is now in middle school.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 03-10-2008 - 1:56pm

It would be great if the schools did more. But sometimes we kind of have to take the bull by the horns too. Josh is in a social skills group in school. But he also made the decision to join a Historical Society club. Plus he stays after school for a homework club. Josh is 13 and I can see him still struggling in the friends department. Mostly because he has a tendancy to turn people off with his over talking and not always giving another kid a chance. Or he just takes things the wrong way. At some point he will figure it out. Good friends though are those who accept him for who he is.


Josh has a better time making friends when he is in a group with similr interests. Like Boy Scouts. Maybe you have a Brownie Troop near by or 4-H club or a religious kids group. Where the groups are small and easy for you daughter to navigate. Usually the kids in the groups are there for the same reasons. I have a friend who has her 8 yr old daughter in a group called Pioneer Girls, because her child is very shy. She fels it does help.


The teacher unless she is asked to look for it won't notice if your daughter is doing well socially but now you brought it to her attention, maybe the teacher can set your daughter up with a buddy. Unfortunately the counselors probably have criteria and budgets to work with so as soon as your child reaches the critera the budget is considered and the next kid in need takes your child's place.


Ask the teacher if your daughter seems to have a girl she tends to hang out with more than another and ask the teacher in helping to facilitate the relationship outside of the school. Encourage phone number exchange..etc.


Rina