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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2003
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Fri, 01-13-2006 - 11:36am

I might have posted her before, but

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
In reply to: jamiecake2
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 12:45pm

Dear Jamie,

Welcome! When our kids get sick, it is fairly usual for their behavior to deteriorate, not to mention what the Holidays can do as well. Is she is any kind of therapeutic preschool? Have you called Early Intervention yet? She can be SO helped by starting to get help with her sensory system (O.T.) and speech, which can really help with tantrumming as she is better able to connect and let you know what is bothering you. Also, she will start to meet other kids and learn about play and interacting, which all children really need. And you will be helped by working with professionals that can give you advice and strategies to help her (and you) out.

Are both kids home with you all day and then you work at night? That is very, very hard. Is there any chance you can get some sort of childcare help so you can get some rest?

In the meantime, it would be good to start upping her "sensory diet", lots of swinging, climbing, deep pressure such as massaging her limbs and joints, baths are good if she can tolerate water immersion, listening to soothing music. Tantrumming is a sure sign her sensory system is in big time overload and she is completely frustrated with not being able to communiate her needs. You don't indicate how much language she has, but our kids at age 3 - 4 can understand lots and lots, but can't always respond ... which is VERY upsetting and frightening to them.

The wedding, that is soon. Any change will certainly be hard, but I'd also think about the actual wedding. Things like weddings are always very hard for our kids when they are little, too many people, too much noise, too many demands they don't understand. I think it would be great if you could bring a sitter she knows so she can go elsewhere when she gets overwhelmed or even just miss the while wedding and receeption part. It is likely that she won't have any fun, and therefore neither will you, so what's the point? If you can't bring a sitter, maybe your husband and other family members she knows can switch off with you so you can all go but she doesn't have to?

If she must (?) attend ... Music on headsets can help. Books to look at plus headsets with calming music COULD get her through the ceremony. The reception might actually be harder on her than the ceremony, though. I personally would plan to only go to part of the wedding, then go relax somewhere else, like a quiet hotel room. Are you staying in a hotel with a pool? Swimming has saved us on many vacations, lots and lots of it helped keep my son's body and anxiety relaxed and more tolerant...

Anyways, stick around. This board has some great ladies and BTDT moms who can help.
The hardest time of all is when you first find out what is up with your child. My son (PDD-NOS) had some rough times at 3 - 4, but now at age 8, after years of therapies and learning, can actually handle vacations, weddings, etc. very very well! And changes in his schedules. And meeting new people. And then sometimes, we choose to let him opt out of situations that will just be too much for him, and that can also be the right thing to do.

There is definitely hope and light down the tunnel, now that you actually know what is up with her!

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2003
In reply to: jamiecake2
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 1:00pm

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: jamiecake2
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 1:51pm

Hello there! My DD Sylvia just turned 4 years old, and was dx PDD-NOS in November. Several months ago (back in September) we drove 9 hours to my cousin's wedding, so I can relate to all your anxiety! I was stressed about it for months. My biggest piece of advice for you is, know what you can handle, and what you can't. Try not to let the idea of family obligation force you into situations that you know are going to be disastrous, or even just very difficult, for your little girl. If she can't handle sitting among all those people during the ceremony, take her outside and walk around with her until the ceremony is over. Likewise at the reception: if it's too much for her to be around all those people, find a quiet corner somewhere and let her regroup with a quiet activity or some kind. We had an entire knapsack filled with quiet toys for Sylvia at the wedding, plus I had one very cool aunt who thought to bring lots of thoughtful toys for Sylvia that she brought out at intervals during the reception. We also left the reception VERY early, possibly ruffling some feathers, but we had decided ahead of time that we needed to do what was best for our family. Plus, if Sylvia had started freaking out from sensory and emotional overload, it wouldn't have been fun for the bride and groom and all the other guests, either.

You could also spend lots of time preparing your DD for what's going to happen at the wedding. Maybe make a little picture book for her all about the wedding, so that she knows exactly what to expect: will she be staying at a hotel? Sleeping in a different bed? Talk about what the ceremony will be like and what will happen at the reception. Tell her that there will be LOTS of people there, and that many of them will want to talk to her, but that she can always tell you if she needs a break. We've used little story books like this for my DD and it really seems to help her; if she knows what to expect, she's not quite so thrown by it all.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes!!!

Jennifer :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2001
In reply to: jamiecake2
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 2:42pm

Welcome Jamie!

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
In reply to: jamiecake2
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 2:46pm
Jamie,
Welcome!
We all have those days when you just want to pull your hair out, believe me your not alone there.My son(2.5) was diagnosed last year with PDD-NOS and has also been in E.I from around his first birthday.I wanted to welcome you and let you know this is a great place to come when you just want to vent.
Teresa