New here with many questions....
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| Sat, 11-12-2005 - 11:41am |
Hi, I'm Jane, mom to Ds Noah -age 8- and I've been lurking on this wonderful board for quite awhile - finally have the nerve to actually ask a question!
Noah attends a school for gifted kids and the things that have made me wonder about whether he has AS is he has always flapped his hands when excited and he has trouble in the social skills dept. When he was younger he had some sensory issues (hated if water was too warm - loud noises) but those are no longer an issue. He has never had behavior problems in school, he is funny, sensitive and has friends he plays with (just doesn't know how to make them) - you will all know what I mean when is say "he's just a little different". That's the problem..he's just a LITTLE different.
He is so high functioning my husband and I are on the fence about getting him evaluated -I talked to his teacher and until I mentioned it she had never noticed him doing the hand flapping - does it several times a day. She is now aware and has even gone online to research Aspergers! She's great! So...she is observing him and now what..how long do I wait before I push for an evaluation? or do I push for one at all?
In my heart of hearts I know he would be diagnosed with Aspergers or something..I have been on this board and read so much about it - I KNOW he has it. And also in my heart of hearts I htink he would benefit mostly from social skills training. We have talked about the hand flapping and he is able to try and stop himself or at least make it less noticeable - unfortunately I think it's something he's always going to do.
SO sorry for rambling but how long should I let his teacher "watch him"?
Thanks so much
Jane

Hi Jane,
and welcome. The first question I have given your post is what might you gain from having him evaluated? Does your school district HAVE good autistic spectrum intervention and social skills services? If so, well, I think I wouldn't wait because the motivation for trying for the eval would be strong, to get your son those helpful services. You will maybe realize, if you have been reading our posts, that many school districts have little to no helpful services in this area, and private therapy can be very expensive if it even exists where you live. But good services are worth the money, if they exist and are needed.
If he has friends, but doesn't know how to make them, my next question is what is the quality of his friendships? Is he close with these children or just compatible and "getting by"? Do they call each other, count on each other for emotional support, seek each other out? What are his friendships based on?
I have to add that some NT children handflap when excited. He really might not be considered spectrum, unless there are other symptoms you have not mentioned. When you say he has social troubles, what do you mean? How is his receptive and expressive language? Any obsessive interest? Is he a good conversationalist or more of a "lecturer"?
When a child is very high-functioning but on the spectrum, the social skills trouble can begin to really hurt later when other children's growing social skills leave them in the dust. Think of the NT's social life in middle and high school, and try to project if your son's current skills will hold him in good stead moving forward.
We have our son (PDD-NOS, also 8 years) in social skills classes, RDI (Relationship Development Intervention through his ASD school), and private psychotherapy with an ASD specialist. In our case, those services and therapies have made a huge difference in his friendships and social skills abilities. And he is continuing to make progress. He does remain somewhat developmentally behind his NT peers in the social skills dept., but we know that as long as he progresses, he is likely to become a socially-savvy adult even if he doesn't "catch up" completely while still a child. Even now, those differences are much less noticeable in most circumstances. And best of all, he remains a happy, social, self-confident, fabulous child. (If I do say so myself. And I do.)
Your son's teacher sounds wonderful. When a child is doing well academically and socially, it will usually be very difficult to get services through your school district.
A good and thorough evaluation will pinpoint your son's many strengths and weaknesses, whether or not there is a diagnosis will be a very small part of the results. The very best reason for getting an eval whenever will be for your own knowledge as parents and to begin researching and orchestrating any ways of helping you son, should he need it!
yours,
Sara
ilovemalcolm
Jane,
I have a slightly different response: Do you think a diagnoses would help *him* down the line? I suspect it might. Read this article.
http://www.asdrendrewolf.org/worldnews/101bodylotion.htm
Personally, as a person who at 38 years old is trying to get a DX for herself (suspect ADD and possibly another co-morbid disorder), I *wish* my father had listened to the teachers who dragged him into the school to tell him something was "up" with me at 6yo. Instead, because I was bright and made good grades, I was left to struggle with every other aspect of life. To this day, I feel that I have not lived up to my potential because of this oversight.
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
I agree with Paula. I think it's better to know what your dealing with so in the long run you can kind of know what to expect. Besides the hand flapping and the social aspect, what makes you think he has AS? Is his speech odd? Is he obsessive about certain topics or does he insist on routine?Regardless of whether you have your son tested are not you can help him in the areas you already see are an issue.There are many people, my dh included(LOL)who could benefit from social skills training.My son also is a hand flapper but only in times of great stress. One of his therapist suggested getting him to squeeze a soft ball instead and it has worked very well for him. I hardly notice him doing it anymore.
Teresa
You guys are so awesome! Thanks for the thoughtful replies!
In answer to some questions, the things that make me think DS might have AS (or something)
These are my perceptions (colored through the eyes of a worried, sometimes admittedly paranoid mother) so read them with that in mind:
1. In a group of children he will almost always be "on the fringe" not in the group - which in itself is not unusual (I'm the same way) but the phrase "alone in a crowded room full of people" comes to mind when I observe that.
2. He has no trouble with language (actually sometimes talks too much :)! and can carry on a reciprocal conversation but sometimes he is just not aware of things (or doesn't react to things going on around him - is that just because hes 8 or AS ? who knows?
3. Because he is gifted he is insatiable in his quest for answers to EVERYTHING! and he is able to read my facial expressions (like when I've answered the 20th question and have had ENOUGH) but I'm his Mom - not sure he can read others as well? He has recently been asking aobut irony and sarcasm wanting to know if a certain phrase was sarcastic...But, he is incredibly sensitive and cries at (what we call) happy/sad commercials - he worries about others and their feelings-the theory of mind thing.
4. He has a very good friend that he met at the playground and has known him for over 2 years - they play frequently and when they see each other they are instantly bonded and get along wonderfully (they hug each other when it's time to leave) He has kids in the neighborhood that he has a great time with when he gets to play with them but there are mitigating factors in those relationships (LONG STORY- one of the older kids hates my DS, the kids are not well supervised, etc).
5. His teachers say he is well liked and respected (becasue he is very smart -the kids say) but here's my "paranoid and worrying MOm side" coming out he just started 3rd grade and has only been invited to 1 birthday party since 1st grade- is that shallow? yes! But is that a sign that no one really likes him? When we go to school functions kids always say "Hi Noah!" They dont' run screaming from him so, I don't know why the birthday party thing bothers me....
I could go on and on but my brain is starting to hurt - thank you if you read this far . I think I'm leaning toward asking for an evaluation because it is a starting point to helping my beautiful, wonderful "just a little different" Noah
Jane
Dear Jane,
I gotta say, from what you describe, he sounds very very borderline spectrum if at all. Reciprocal conversation is usually extremely hard for AS children to carry on with other children, in my experience. BUT as we say, if you've met an individual with ASD, you've met an individual with ASD. Every single person dx'ed with any form of ASD is completely unlike any other and the dx'es vary so. Also, I am a mom, not a diagnostician, and noone can dx over the Internet...
I actually think the birthday party thing would really bother me, too. Does your son have a party and invite kids who then don't invite him back? Weird and rude on part of parents at the very least, if so. Does he get calls from these classmates for playdates on the weekends? Invite them over himself? From what you say, I'm still not getting a clear picture of what is actually worrying you in the friendship dept.
Any chance you have really good insurance that will cover an evaluation? Ruling out an ASD always seems wiser than wait and see, but your son sure does sound "iffy" for an ASD. The theory of mind thing for an ASD child would mean LACK of awareness of feelings of others and difficulty considering and including another person's point of view into their own ...
Anyways, stay in touch and let us know what you decide to do and how things go. Thing is, a borderline child can have very painful difficulties and never really get the help they need, so I do believe that overdoing the watchfulness is in many ways safer than choosing to ignore possible symptoms! Good luck to you, and (if at all possible LOL)try not to worry while you decide what to do. If there IS any ASD, he sure has an awful lot going for him to begin with, and then with some help, he will be terrific!
yours,
Sara
ilovemalcolm
I just wanted to tell you about a book my dh bought before we actually had a diagnosis for our son. It's called"Misdiagnosis and dual diagnoses of gifted children and adults" by James T. Webb.Basically the author believes it is difficult to differentiate between some gifted children and children with aspergers.He believes it may be just a gradation rather than AS being a discrete category."That is, there may be increasing degrees of characteristic behaviors that end up with an impairment that is then called Aspergers Disorder."I would have him tested if you feel there is something just not right but it really sounds like he is doing well.
HTH
Teresa