New with an intro

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Registered: 09-12-2004
New with an intro
6
Sun, 03-05-2006 - 9:06pm

Hi, I'm Kelly and I have an 8 year old in second grade with Asperger's and ADHD. I knew from the time he was an infant that something wasn't quite right. He had terrible colic and was so fussy and he just didn't sleep much. But he was a very affectionate baby and loved to be held and carried in his sling. I wore him everywhere! As he got older and met his milestones in the wrong order I knew he was special, but no one was able to give me any insight. Then around the age of three I started him at preschool and the first one was a disaster. He was so hyper there -- it was a Montessori school and his teacher was totally clueless. She was so busy following the Montessori rules I think she forgot the whole idea of Montessori was to follow the child. Anyway, it became apparent after a few months when she didn't even realize he was left handed and was telling me things about him that I knew were not true (didn't know his colors -- well, he knew them since he was 2; didn't know how to hold a pencil -- he's left handed and she was making him use his right hand, etc.) that I had to get him out of there. He went to another preschool that he thrived in so much more. When he was four his teacher told me she thought his interest in trains was way too specific and obsessional to be normal and advised me to speak with his pediatrician. When he was five he was diagnosed with ADHD and we waited a while to try any meds. I tried cutting out sugar and eating only whole foods, etc., but he's such a picky eater and so painfully thin anyway, I had to let go of that. The summer before 1st grade we tried a ritalin based med (starts with an A can't remember what it was offhand) and it worked for awhile, but he had horrible, violent mood swings. I finally went to a child psychologist and he was diagnosed with Asperger's. The psychologist told us about Concerta and suggested talking to the psychiatrist about that, because of his age he thought it might help with the mood swings. Eventually I found another psychiatrist and we did try Concerta, which he has been doing very well with. No more horrible mood swings. It also helped with some of his Asperger's symptoms, and he has been able to find many things to be intensely interested in instead of just only trains. He appears to most people to be completely normal, just a little old for his age. With his peers, however, we are struggling. He wants to always be the one to tell everyone about things, he tends to exaggerate and tell tall tales. His facial expressions are exaggerated often. Other times he's very sociable and calm -- totally normal seemingly. It's a struggle.

When he was a toddler we were in a play group and it was so wonderful and supportive. But people have moved, spread out and gone separately. Now, in his school, I feel so on the outside. I am becoming much more aware of my own social anxieties and reliving a lot of unpleasant childhood memories of not fitting in well at school and with my peers. I have come to realize that I also posess a lot of characteristics of Asperger's, but I have been able to learn from my social blunders so I'm not sure I would be diagnosed as having it. Anyway, I'm looking for some kind of social group for us to belong to, but I'm afraid that since my son's Asperger's is not as pronounced as some of the Aspies we've met, we might not even fit in there and I am a very lonely mom in this situation. My son, thankfully, does not seem to be very aware yet of his social issues, but I think he is becoming more and more aware. He has not been invited to a single birthday party by any of the kids in his class, and I have asked and there have been several. We did have a good turn out at his birthday party in October, but I'm dismayed that no invitations have been forthcoming for him.

I also have a four year old son who has (my other son's psychiatrist thinks just through observation) PDD-NOS regarding sensory over-sensitivity, but she thinks we can work through that by gently introducing him to different situations where there are crowds, where it's noisy, and specifically, where the toilets automatically flush (yes, that's a biggy for my little guy, but we're working through it). I'm not sure I'd go along with the PDD-NOS on his regard because a lot of little kids have certain fears and things that bug them, but I'm still keeping my eye out.

Anyway, I hope to glean a lot of insight from you other mothers.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 12:23am

Hello and welcome to our little home away from home. Or not so away if you type from home. Or really far away if you look at it from another point of view, lol. OK, I am getting punchy because I am tired. And I also started from the bottom boards tonight and this is my 3rd welcome note so I had to liven it up some.

I have 4 kids. 3 are "officially" diagnosed on the spectrum and all 3 are radically different. My oldest 2 are definitely on the spectrum, lol. Both AS in thier own ways. The youngest is borderline PDD-NOS but I think actually he just has significant sensory integration disorder (also diagnosed) that causes all the other stuff.

Nice to meet you

Renee

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 7:01am

Kelly,

Welcome to the board. You won't feel alone here; most of us are in the same boat.

I'm Laurie, mom to Alex, who is diagnosed Aspergers. He is 8 (9 next month) and in the third grade. Your ds sounds so much like mine. I knew something was different about Alex from the time he was an infant, as well. He was late in developing all his motor skills (still is), but talked at an early age, knew the world capitals by age 3, and can name any car by make or model. He's currently our little "Mapquest"; he'll spend hours drawing street maps, both real and made-up. Still into cars, too.

Alex, too, is never invited to birthday parties. It breaks my heart. He did, however, get invited to a party two weeks ago by a boy in his Cub Scout den! It was a bowling party, and we were SO thrilled he was invited. Otherwise, he has no 'friends' so to speak. To make matters worse, we just moved to a new area last summer. We're in a very rural area, in a small school where most kids (and their parents and grandparents) have always attended, so Alex really stands out. He's just begun feeling self-conscious this year about being the only one in his class to have a resource aide. He's really feeling different, and some kids have called him 'weird'. I feel as if I've had to really educate the staff at school, too, as autism and Aspergers is fairly new to them.

Didn't mean to ramble on... But welcome to the board; we look forward to getting to know you!

Laurie

P.S. I, too, have recently had feelings that perhaps I've been a bit of an Aspie myself. Particularly looking back to my childhood. I had few friends and felt uncomfortable in social situations, although I wanted to have friends so badly. Certain sensory things fit in too. Always hated going up steep steps and escalators, and was always uncoordinated in P.E. class.

Laurie

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Registered: 02-20-2001
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 8:29am
Welcome to the board!!

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2004
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 9:18am

Thank you so much for the welcome (and I am sorry -- posted in the wrong section). I am glad to have found this board.

Sounds like we are a lot in the same boat. I've been reading through the threads and see a lot of similarities.

I am going to contact the school district to see if there are any groups or clubs or whatever for Aspie kids. Things have come such a long way since I was in elementary school (in the 70's). We are fortunate that Ian's school principal is all over autism spectrum disorders. He has been very supportive in matching Ian with the best teacher for him. He also assured me that "we don't gossip about kids in this school" which was great because I didn't want Ian labled by staff who didn't even work with him. Turns out that there are probably one or two Aspie kids in each grade. However, I've been reticent to try and ask who they are, etc. I think Ian really needs some Aspie friends -- kids like him that won't think he's weird. His teacher told me that in general, hers is a very kind classroom and the kids are nicer than any other class she's had. Next year, she warned me, may not be the same and we have to work with Ian on his need to get attention and fabricating wild stories. The other kids are beginning to look at each other, like, "What is he TALKING about???" School is just so hard socially. I feel for any parents and Aspie kids whose school is not supportive and friendly to special needs. I can imagine how hard it is if you're in a community where everyone has lived there for generations and all know each other, and then you guys are new. Hopefully, you will find some friendly people there who will nurture you into the community.

Anyway, my mission for the day is finding a group for Ian to be involved in.

Thanks again for the welcome.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 12:48pm

Ian sounds a lot like my guy, Vaughn. Vaughn is 7.5 (8 in May) in 2nd grade. He is a train fanatic too! But he now also has a great interest in science and animals - which is great because we were running out of train activities to do - LOL! Now he enjoys museums, zoos, aquariums, etc. even if they don't have trains.

DS has never had any real friends.....in 1st grade there was one little guy that was his best bud at the beginning of the year....teacher said they were inseperatable. But toward the end of the year he did not want to be friends with my son anymore because he was too strange. So there are no birthday invites coming to our house either.

I found a social skills group that is in our city (less than 10 minutes away from our house)....they are offering summer camp as well....which is great. I don't want all of his services ending just because its summer.....he is going to need them for next year....goes to a new school (3rd, 4th and 5th grades).....and we all know how poorly our little ones handle change......

Again, Welcome...

Christie (37 SAHWife and Mom to two boys - Vaughn (7.5 AS) and Jack (20 mo NT as far as we know) in Ohio)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 3:01pm

Hi Kelly,

Welcome to the board! I have a 9yr old and a 7yr old. My 7 yr old was dx'd when he was in preschool. He actually went to a Montessori, and luckily he had really great teachers and his class was small too. Sorry it didn't workout that well for your little guy. Although I have found that all Montessori schools are not always the same too.

My son is in 1st grade now and bit quieter than most. He's a real "thinker"....not so much of a "doer" LOL We don't have him on any meds right now, but he seems to be doing fine so far!

Our local autism society is trying to start up a social type group for moms and their children....maybe meeting at the park or the library. So, I'm hoping to get my kids involved if I can. Right now they have a parents night out (dinner at a local restaurant)...but I can't go, because my dh works so late. I attended one time....and it was really great to be around other moms going thru the same things. Anyway, hope you find something in your town that will benefit you and your ds.

michelle