non-supportive father is coming to visit
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non-supportive father is coming to visit
| Tue, 10-03-2006 - 8:46am |
So my dad is coming into town this Thursday (on his way in between destinatons).
| Tue, 10-03-2006 - 8:46am |
So my dad is coming into town this Thursday (on his way in between destinatons).
Dee,
Tricky.
Me own Da died before Peter was born, so I don't have any BTDT experience. for you. Have you seen our letter for grandparents?
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
I would just try to remember he is only there for a few days. If you need to share info I would keep it brief and to the point. If he starts getting into it with you I would change the subject. If he is insistent on getting into it I would just tell him clearly that you are sorry he doesn't agree but Liam is your son and you aren't going to discuss it further.
Otherwise I would keep the subjects to other things, keep it light and have a nice visit. The weather, politics in Ireland, where he is going next, what the rest of the family is doing, plans for the new baby, etc.
If he is a real pistol about Liam and his behaviors then you just keep remembering and pointing out his strengths. That is just for your piece of mind. We have to remember our kids are kids first and they are wonderful human beings and what thier strengths are despite what the unempathetic world may think.
Renee
Thanks guys,
I think I might just do that and not go into it with him at all.
Hi Dee, no earth shattering advice, just wanted to send you some hugs.
This is not at all the same, but I have always craved understanding on a variety of issues from my MIL, who lives in my town. I had hoped she'd understand my infertility struggles, why we adopted, what autism is. I eventually have had to realize that she is who she is. If I need support, I have come to learn the hard way, it is not from her. Once I just let it go and tried to enjoy the things about her I do like, things were better. After all,my DH is wonderful and he is her son, so she can't be all bad! LOL!
That being said, my MIL who is a former hs teacher, also has that "strict discipline" attitude. I was raised this way too, my dad was a marine. However, MIL did/does really try to understand autism. She too would look at Eric's echolalia and say, "he's a genius." Or now when he spouts off the planets and the moons, she'll say, "see how smart he is, you can't tell me he doesn't understand cause/effect...."
For her, what seemed to turn her around was watching things on TV about other children with autism. She got a lot from the Super Nanny, she watched the entire NBC series on the Today show last year. Now she is pretty supportive and does not make comments anymore. She leaves the parenting to us.
Still, she is who she is. She is not a patient woman. She'll ask Eric a question, once, twice, three times. The walk away. Then, when she's gone, he'll answer. But she missed it. There have been so many times like this when it just hurts me. She is a wonderful grandmother to her NT grandchildren (who also live in our town), and I am jealous of that, I guess. But I have to just let it go.
Hang in there. If there is an opening that seems comfortable to eduate your Dad, and you are feeling strong, go for it. If not, just accept the situation, if you can and do what is best for you and your child. That is what is most important.
I'll be thinking of you. Lay in lots of chocolate ice cream for after he leaves!
Love and hugs,
Katherine
Thanks Katherine,
I have had a bit of time to reflect on what I want from my Dad, expectations etc.
I've given up on explaining autism to most people. I only explain it to those who need to know (like teachers at school). Your dad will never really believe it. It's an invisible disability to most people. They never get it.
Give the meds to your son outside the presense of your dad. If he tries to give you parenting advice, just say, "thanks, but no thanks."