Not Exactly A "Happy" Father's Day

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Registered: 12-22-2003
Not Exactly A "Happy" Father's Day
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Sun, 06-17-2007 - 12:15pm

DH left early this morning for North Carolina (interviewing tomorrow)...so the kids and I didn't get to spend much time with him. Handed him his cards, got a couple of hugs- but that's about it. I know that all of this will pay off in the end, but it leaves me feeling lonely. I'm sure the fact that my own father passed away in 1986 is contributing to my loneliness as well.

Here's hoping that rest of you are enjoying the day with your dad's/DH's/whoever.

Amy

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 12:31pm

(((AMY))) I'm sorry he's gone for the day and it'll be lonely. That stinks.

I'm sending positive thoughts for is interview tho. Where in NC?

Betsy

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Registered: 06-25-2003
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 2:26pm

(((((((((((Amy))))))))))))


-Paula

-Paula

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Registered: 11-28-2006
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 2:34pm

{{{Amy}}} my father died in 87, and yea I thought of him today too. It's weird that it was so long ago, but then again, it doesn't feel like so long ago huh?

I hope your day gets better :)

Lainie

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 5:42pm

Hugs to you both girls. My dad passed in '82 so I am there with ya.

((((Amy)))) Really sorry but this will pay off in the long run. Maybe you can do something special with him when he gets back.

Hey, aren't these the same guys we were really ticked with like a week ago? Funny, we still love them even when they drive us crazy.

Renee

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Registered: 05-16-2006
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 9:18pm

Oh Amy I am sorry to hear you are feeling alone.
Just know your DH is only trying to get the family to a better place in the long haul. As for your dad being "gone" he IS there. You just can't see him. He's the one who gives mini miracals with the kids.

((hugs))
Nora

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Registered: 12-22-2003
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 10:14pm

Thanks everybody. I guess I should've gotten off my rear today and made plans to get out of the house, but having spent all day yesterday bustin' my hump working on the house, I just wasn't up for it.

Betsy- The interview is in a town outside of Charlotte. Cute community, but small by my standards. I doubt that it's going to be the "right fit"- but the organization is sure hyped up about my DH. (They came right out and said he's their first choice, and have already started talking salary etc.)

Lainie- You know, I was only 12 when my dad passed and you're right, it still feels like yesterday. I can remember every single detail of that day in vivid detail. I've always assumed that it was because that one event, for all intent and purpose, defined every aspect of my life from that day forward.

Renee- You're absolutely right! For all of the little things my DH does to drive me nuts, I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. Goodness knows I'm hardly an easy person to live with- and thankfully he's willing to see past my faults and love me anyway!

Nora- Yep. He's always with us in spirit...but I sure could've used his skills as a master carpenter a few times this week! ;-)

Amy

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Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 11:00pm

Dear Amy,


Something you said in this last post really hit home for me.

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Registered: 12-22-2003
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 11:30pm

(((((Debbie)))))

You know, my situation is extremely similar to yours. Although Christmas is my hardest holiday as dad passed away unexpectedly on Dec. 22nd.

My long battle with depression stemmed from my belief that, because of my father's passing, I had to be my mother's caretaker. People actually told me so at his funeral. "Be strong, your mother needs you." I heard it more than once during the days surrounding his funeral. Regardless of how well meaning the individuals were, that's a lot of pressure to place on a 12 year old girl.

By the time I was 14 I was really into boys (seeking the love of a "man" to fill the void left by my father's passing) and I began binge drinking, smoking, and doing drugs around that time as well. I lost my virginity the day before my 15th birthday. One day, shortly after that, I realized that my private school friends weren't exactly helping me be a "decent person", so I begged my mother to let me switch to the public high school. This was something my father would NEVER have allowed to happen. In fact, I had to actually register myself for my sophomore year of high school because mom was so against it. It was at the public high school where I met my first real friend. Her college-aged brother was best friends with the man who eventually became my DH. (Brother and sister were best man and maid of honor at our wedding.)

I am completely convinced that, had it not been for my dad dying, I would never have met my aspie husband...and never given birth to my spectrum kiddos...and therefore, would never have learned to live for the little moments that make life worth living. (Like Claire eating pizza for the first time!)

Like you, my life is a prime example of God working in mysterious ways.

Amy

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Registered: 11-28-2006
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 3:18am

Amy, thats even harder as I was 23 when my father died. I was at least an adult and could deal better, (even though I don't think we ever deal well with a loved one dying)

But being a child (my god sweetie, 12!) That must of taken a much more emotional tole for you. I mean for godsakes you were 12, and needed your father more than ever!!!!

No wonder you feel/sound like your so lost today. It makes sense hon, as children have to deal with the abandonment issue, even tho your father never meant to abandon you.

I could see life as screwed up and we don't always get what we want and I knew about death at 23 you know?

Ah Amy you must of felt like you were left twice today.....

I sure hope it gets better sweetie

Lainie

Edited to add the hug emotion....

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Registered: 11-28-2006
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 3:55am

Debbie, that was a real thought provoking post for me, and it touched my heart. Like you I remember every detail of my father's last week.

My father had been sober for 8 yrs thru AA, but all of a sudden had a massive stroke. He was only 55.

My father had been out of town for work, came back and called me to wish me a late happy birthday but he sounded funny. He sounded drunk as he slurred his words quit a bit. I was shocked, as I thought my father fell off the wagon and he had been doing so well for so many years.

He kept saying I have such a bad headache (which he would get at times while I grew up) but he never slurred his speech before.

I assumed he fell off the wagon UGH. To this day I feel so much guilt for assuming.

The next day we (my mother and I, I lived with her since I just had marisa and she was only 7 months old) got a call from the police dept saying they took him to the hospital. They found him wandering the neighborhood, and the cops first thought he was drunk, until they noticed they didn't smell any alcohol on his breath.

He fell immediatly into a coma. The nurses said he couldn't hear me, but I know he did as I was given a gift. I was able to hold his hand, tell him all the things I wanted to, tell him that I wrote a paper in comm college english class that described how proud I was of him for battling the things he did with alcholism. I said Dad, it was the only A I ever made.

He squeezed my hand.

He died a week later, they couldn't do anything for him. I never in my life thought I would pray for god to take him away, but I did, (I couldn't stand to see him like this and the docs said there was no hope) and it was weird as while I was praying, the phone rang, and it was the hospital saying he passed.

Two days after my sisters and I went to his house, to clear it out some. We went into his bedroom and saw a handwritten note he wrote laying on his bed next to his phone.

It said... Elaine Eyssell (maiden name at the time) I really am okay.

OMG talk about bawling my eyes out.

I saved that note, and know that he really is okay. He has shown himself to me as a guardian angel, I have seen men that look just like him, I have had dreams of him, and you know what, he really is okay!

Sorry for just letting this all out, but I needed too, as you guys have needed too also.

Lainie

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