Not interacting with his brother

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Not interacting with his brother
3
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 10:15pm

Well, just wanted to let you know that Tyler is finally feeling better!!! He's starting to eat more and icing his neck less than he was. I even found him sitting at the table Sunday doing homework! lol Three days after surgery!!!! Do you believe this kid?!

He's pushing himself a bit, so I have to keep on him about resting. He feels like he's feeling better so he wants to get up and do things. Just like his dad, gets bored quick!! Always has to be doing something!

I did notice something about Nathan these past few days though. I've been focusing alot on Tyler, trying to keep him comfortable, making him drink his liquids, and take his meds. Nathan has been keeping to himself. Not talking unless he's spoken too, or unless he needs something. He went 4 days not talking to Tyler. Nothing. He didn't speak to Ty because Ty didn't talk to him (he couldn't, of course because of the surgery) I realized how much interaction we do with him....to keep him connected. If left alone, no interaction takes place. At first, I thought it might be because Tyler had surgery and Nathan was unsure of everything or possibly even worried. But when I spoke to him about it, he seemed just fine.....no problem.

Anyway, it was just an interesting observation. It reminded me of when he was younger, and I had to constantly interact with him. Asking him questions, playing with him, just trying to develop some kind of connection. I know he missed his brother playing with him. Or at least just having Tyler in the playroom, while he organized his toys!! lol It's amazing to see how differently he reacts to situations. And how he withdraws when he doesn't know what to do or say. I, of course, kept prompting him to talk. And reminded him that it was ok to talk to Tyler. But I could see how difficult it was for him. I thought not telling him too much about the surgery would be a good idea. Still not sure if that was the way to go though.

Nathan has been withdrawing some even before the surgery. His interests seem to be going in a different direction than Tyler. But I guess only time will tell. Maybe after Tyler is feeling better, I'll get more insight to all of this.

michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 10:46pm
Michelle,
I'm glad to see Tyler is on the mend. Nathan is very similar in ways to Jake even though Nathan is a little older. I also feel like I have to be talking or doing something with him to keep him focused on us. He is much better now than he was with initiating conversations and at times he gives me a headache because he's such a chatter box(LOL) but there are times when he seems to withdraw, it happens mostly when he's in a new situation. Maybe that's what's happening with Nathan because he's so used to his big brother being the one to initiate interactions or maybe he simply understands that right now Tyler needs some space while he's trying to get better.
Teresa
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 12:52pm

Teresa,

"chatter box"....oh, that would be interesting to see in Nathan!!! I'm not sure we'll ever get there!!! lol Tyler is my chatter box, I think one is enough! lol

I agree, I'm sure Nathan is used to Tyler being the one that initiates. I think that has alot to do with it. Nathan made a comment just this morning, "Is Tyler gonna be sick all the time?" He still relates Tyler's surgery as being "sick"....even though I had a conversation with him that he's not sick, he had surgery. I explained it real simple, in terms that he would understand. But he still doesn't comprehend it though.

Last night, Tyler felt well enough to sit in the playroom and watch cartoons with Nathan. I heard Nathan laughing and enjoying himself. Maybe he just missed his brother. I thought he was doing better with "initiating", but it looks like that's not really the case.

michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 6:57pm

Dear Michelle,

Just my 2 cents, but my take on it is that Nathan might have been and and even still could be more worried and unsure of himself and what happened to Tyler than you are giving him credit for. He could be nervous that interacting with Tyler will "Hurt" him more. Then, that he might do something wrong and Tyler gets "sicker" and has more surgery. He could be nervous that being too much with Tyler might rub off on him, contagious-like, and HE Nathan might end up in hospital. Did Tyler stay over night? That's pretty scary, and maybe he is wondering if SOMETIMES kids don't come back home from the hospital. I sure know Malcolm was starting to think about death, etc. alot a few years ago. He just may not be able to verbalize bigger scarier ideas, too overwhelming to talk about yet?

I bet once Tyler is completely recovered and Nathan sees all is really well, in time Nathan will be less withdrawn and comfortable initiating again...

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm