When is the last time you saw a doctor for a proper physical?
I ask because you sound like me about a year ago, not understanding why I was tired and couldn't do everything in the world, because I kept getting tired,
I also have gotten to a very similar place this year and there is alot of what you write that feels very familiar!!! But you don't get breaks, there are 2 of them kids and the care of them DEMANDING, and as I remember, you also have very little family help or real support of any kind. You need more rest, time away from them, replenishing of your body and spirit.
Of course I love my son, but this journey has been endless and such unbelievably hard work for over 6 years and there is no end in sight. I have been really fighting dark depressions this year to the point where I could hardly walk down the street every day, and it really sound like you are, too. I went and got a therapist -- at least I cry hard once a week, that helps -- and now have started taking a mood elevator. Slowly, slowly I am beginning to feel better. The darkest parts of the the dark has lightened and I can move more, handle more.
BUT I also need to get a full physical (thanks Paula) because I haven't in years and years and I have to schedule more "me" time as best as I possibly can. I have done a few things, such as attending a show with some friends, that I was sure was going to be too much because of exhaustion levels ... and lo and behold, it did help.
I worry about the way you talk to yourself about your weight, I know this kind of talk and it is very detrimental to speak so cruely to and about yourself. This talk will not help you lose weight or adjust your eating, it is part of the system that is "weighing" you down. Kindness, Evelyn, you need to treat yourself with kindness. The tireder and more depressed you are, the more food esp. of a "boosting" level you will crave and require. Changing this system takes rest, recovery, and slowly reintroducing light exercise and healthy food... If you managed one week, that's great, you can do it again and again, managing food is not a "get-it-perfect" system but rather one you do over and over even if there are "slip-ups". It's a self-care system, taking better care of yourself physically will indeed help you feel better and give you more energy.
Anyways, off my soapbox. I definitely think a new doctor sounds in order, if for no other reason than I wouldn't be comfortable being seen by someone that in the back of my head I am calling "Dr. Useless"...
((((((HUGS)))))) Evelyn. I am glad you shared with us about all this. I do think there is cause for concern and it is not a good idea to just keep hoisting yourself around feeling like this without doing more of an investigation.
Here is some magic dust in hoping for a better day.
Could we be PMSing? I know as my friendly neighbor Aunite Flo gets closer I seem to get a litle bit more well depressed at times and moody. For me it starts about 1 week before and I tend to start feeling better when she arrives. Track your symptoms and see if she might be a little bit of the reason for feeling off.
Next as far as your diet. Rememeber with Weight Watchers.. Nothing is off limits in their world unlike some other diets. For WW it is portion control. I know when I want to pay attention more to the diets. I keep Slim Fast and WW or Lean Cusinies TV dinners around(keep track of the sales and stock up) I also monitor for good sales of the Salads in the bags. Then esp on nights where DH is not coming home and the kids are getting well very PIAssey. I just do a kid friendly meal for them and then enjoy a meal that only I would like.I am the only one in my house who will eat articokes and Asparagus. But Again in a way they are treats for me. Also remember also remember part of you feeling good is by treating your body better.
I know when Josh becomes more intolerant of his brothers. There are times I am not sure if it is because he is now 12 and they are well not. And if the Aspienees is well increasing that. But Josh will bury himself in his room.He will play on his computer. And he has figured out how to play movies on it. So at some point I may start letting him do that. I find sometimes I have to allow him to well seperate from his brothers. And too many times i will point it out to them that Josh is well 12 and he gets to be 12. I know he is getting close to the end of his current script of Strattera and there is a gap of a 4 days between the empty bottle and his doctor's appointment. I really don't like how he is on the Stratera, and it is not helping with his focus in school. Very moody, but again not sure if its the medication, being 12, getting close to the end of the school year. Or just being Aspie. But I know I want to go back to the Focoalin. I am hoping we will survive the cold turkey of the Strattera.
I also know part of what helps me from total break down is my job. I know it is there. I think by working Perdiem it gives me a slim sense of control in this world of mine where I don't have as much control as I would like. I get to set my own schedule and i get to say no. When I do work, It seperates me from my kids. It makes me feel like and adult(granted different problems but at the end of my shift I get to leave). I think we of the Aspie world(heck any parent who stays at home) take on too much and forget to take care of ourselves. I THINK WE FORGET to give up some control to others because we are afraid that if we do nothig will get done. We are afraid that if we don't do it it won't be right. I know Josh has an appointment to see his Doctor next Monday and I am seriously think about working that day and making DH take him. I usually do the Docotr appointments but Jon has done some and well everybody is still alive. But sometimes it reminds Jon of why Josh goes to the Doctor and how to talk to the Doctor.
I hope part of my spiel helps you. Just remember, it is okay if we can't do it all. It is okay to give up some control And to try to make sure we know its okay to take care of ourselves.
Heckarooney, who wouldn't be tired dealing with the stuff we all deal with on a daily basis. Most moms of NT kids I know are exhausted and our jobs are harder because our kids have different challenges that strain us both mentally and physically.
There are lots of things that can make you feel tired and make it hard to lose weight...diabetes is one of course, but thyroid problems can do it, depression can do it, anemia can do it. I hope you get a doctor's appt. soon.
I would tell them that I feel tired and listless and sometimes lightheaded. That you don't get enough sleep. Write little notes to yourself when you feel something that doesn't feel "right". One or two of those things sometimes is annoying but all of those things all the time warrants some bloodwork. If it were me I would ask for a blood glucose test, a thyroid hormone level, and heck while their at it, why not a full hormone panel. And don't let them tell you no for an answer. I think we work so hard on getting our kids the help they need that we forget to advocate for ourselves. ]
And be proud of yourself for every good thing you do during your day. Praise yourself and know that you really deserve it, because you do!!
OMG, OMG. OMG I could of written your post sweetie!!!!
I have the same thing going on at my house, and I am about to go bonkers! Too bad we arn't next door neighbors! We could console each other, and cry, and drink that tecante(sp?) beer, while the boys go wild lol. Hey at least we could understand their behavior and work as a team lol.
Sweetie on the eating thing.... I completely understand. Chris is perservering on food right now and he won't eat anything in the house. It has to either be Cosco hot dogs thats made from the hot dog bin (It has to be plain and the bun HAS to have sesame seeds!) or Mcdonalds. Period. This will probably go on for about the next 2 months btw.
Of course we can't buy that for 3 meals a day for him, but he litterly starves when we say no and try to get him to eat something healthier. We normally have to do it once or twice a day tho so he will eat. And so he won't make our life miserable.
Yesterday I had to work (I drive a Schwans truck part time). He was at home and called me to cry about how he needed to eat such and such things. I said Chris you need to try to figure out what you can eat at home until dad gets home (2:00).
I suggested many things.... but no go.
I had a guy running the route with me. I had to see a customer, so I put my phone down in the front seat and said "I hope he doesn't call too much for you".
I went to see the customer, filled her order, came back and said I hope it wasn't too bad, and he said "He called 29 times"
So you see, I understand.
{{{Evelyn}}} You are NOT a bad mother. You just need time for yourself. LOL Like I should be talking right????
Sorry about the LOL emoticon, but it was honest, after reading the thread and the baby stuff. A baby! Sooo cute....But how would I do it? And as it is, I have already been nursing for nearly 6 years straight. Went right through my pregnancy with #2 for number one, and weaned #1 when he was a little over 3, and the baby was about 5 months old. Now #2 just turned 3. Weaning is probably not in the future because it does not seem to be on either of our agendas. ("Baby" shows no interest in stopping, and I love that I have a way to calm him in an intense tantrum or when he wakes up from one of his toddler night-mares.)
But seriously, about your post, thank you. I know it was supposed to be a pity-fest, but it was a real good reminder that moms need care too. So take care of yourself. and thanks for posting.
Sidney
Edited to add:
I just posted my own story. And I realized that I had I nagging social-injustice concern that I think you would understand. I am pretty lucky. I have a job, DH has a job, we can afford things that many others can't. Yet at my son's early intervention school, I feel a bit like I'm one of the struggling parents financially. (I could not afford staying at home without radical changes, and I can't afford a nanny.) That is just not right that it seems that the children in the school come from fairly affulent families when our children have differences and disabilities that don't especially affect the economically advantaged! In addition, my experience with my first child helped me secure services for my second. It is just not right that advocacy skills and resources make such a difference. That is not a free and public education! And that does stress me out at times.-Sidney
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Evelyn,
When is the last time you saw a doctor for a proper physical?
I ask because you sound like me about a year ago, not understanding why I was tired and couldn't do everything in the world, because I kept getting tired,
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Paula,
Thanks for your insight.
Hi there Evelyn,
I also have gotten to a very similar place this year and there is alot of what you write that feels very familiar!!! But you don't get breaks, there are 2 of them kids and the care of them DEMANDING, and as I remember, you also have very little family help or real support of any kind. You need more rest, time away from them, replenishing of your body and spirit.
Of course I love my son, but this journey has been endless and such unbelievably hard work for over 6 years and there is no end in sight. I have been really fighting dark depressions this year to the point where I could hardly walk down the street every day, and it really sound like you are, too. I went and got a therapist -- at least I cry hard once a week, that helps -- and now have started taking a mood elevator. Slowly, slowly I am beginning to feel better. The darkest parts of the the dark has lightened and I can move more, handle more.
BUT I also need to get a full physical (thanks Paula) because I haven't in years and years and I have to schedule more "me" time as best as I possibly can. I have done a few things, such as attending a show with some friends, that I was sure was going to be too much because of exhaustion levels ... and lo and behold, it did help.
I worry about the way you talk to yourself about your weight, I know this kind of talk and it is very detrimental to speak so cruely to and about yourself. This talk will not help you lose weight or adjust your eating, it is part of the system that is "weighing" you down. Kindness, Evelyn, you need to treat yourself with kindness. The tireder and more depressed you are, the more food esp. of a "boosting" level you will crave and require. Changing this system takes rest, recovery, and slowly reintroducing light exercise and healthy food... If you managed one week, that's great, you can do it again and again, managing food is not a "get-it-perfect" system but rather one you do over and over even if there are "slip-ups". It's a self-care system, taking better care of yourself physically will indeed help you feel better and give you more energy.
Anyways, off my soapbox. I definitely think a new doctor sounds in order, if for no other reason than I wouldn't be comfortable being seen by someone that in the back of my head I am calling "Dr. Useless"...
((((((HUGS)))))) Evelyn. I am glad you shared with us about all this. I do think there is cause for concern and it is not a good idea to just keep hoisting yourself around feeling like this without doing more of an investigation.
Sara
Here is some magic dust in hoping for a better day.
Could we be PMSing? I know as my friendly neighbor Aunite Flo gets closer I seem to get a litle bit more well depressed at times and moody. For me it starts about 1 week before and I tend to start feeling better when she arrives. Track your symptoms and see if she might be a little bit of the reason for feeling off.
Next as far as your diet. Rememeber with Weight Watchers.. Nothing is off limits in their world unlike some other diets. For WW it is portion control. I know when I want to pay attention more to the diets. I keep Slim Fast and WW or Lean Cusinies TV dinners around(keep track of the sales and stock up) I also monitor for good sales of the Salads in the bags. Then esp on nights where DH is not coming home and the kids are getting well very PIAssey. I just do a kid friendly meal for them and then enjoy a meal that only I would like.I am the only one in my house who will eat articokes and Asparagus. But Again in a way they are treats for me. Also remember also remember part of you feeling good is by treating your body better.
I know when Josh becomes more intolerant of his brothers. There are times I am not sure if it is because he is now 12 and they are well not. And if the Aspienees is well increasing that. But Josh will bury himself in his room.He will play on his computer. And he has figured out how to play movies on it. So at some point I may start letting him do that. I find sometimes I have to allow him to well seperate from his brothers. And too many times i will point it out to them that Josh is well 12 and he gets to be 12.
I know he is getting close to the end of his current script of Strattera and there is a gap of a 4 days between the empty bottle and his doctor's appointment. I really don't like how he is on the Stratera, and it is not helping with his focus in school. Very moody, but again not sure if its the medication, being 12, getting close to the end of the school year. Or just being Aspie. But I know I want to go back to the Focoalin. I am hoping we will survive the cold turkey of the Strattera.
I also know part of what helps me from total break down is my job. I know it is there. I think by working Perdiem it gives me a slim sense of control in this world of mine where I don't have as much control as I would like. I get to set my own schedule and i get to say no. When I do work, It seperates me from my kids. It makes me feel like and adult(granted different problems but at the end of my shift I get to leave). I think we of the Aspie world(heck any parent who stays at home) take on too much and forget to take care of ourselves. I THINK WE FORGET to give up some control to others because we are afraid that if we do nothig will get done. We are afraid that if we don't do it it won't be right. I know Josh has an appointment to see his Doctor next Monday and I am seriously think about working that day and making DH take him. I usually do the Docotr appointments but Jon has done some and well everybody is still alive. But sometimes it reminds Jon of why Josh goes to the Doctor and how to talk to the Doctor.
I hope part of my spiel helps you. Just remember, it is okay if we can't do it all. It is okay to give up some control And to try to make sure we know its okay to take care of ourselves.
Rina
Heckarooney, who wouldn't be tired dealing with the stuff we all deal with on a daily basis. Most moms of NT kids I know are exhausted and our jobs are harder because our kids have different challenges that strain us both mentally and physically.
There are lots of things that can make you feel tired and make it hard to lose weight...diabetes is one of course, but thyroid problems can do it, depression can do it, anemia can do it. I hope you get a doctor's appt. soon.
I would tell them that I feel tired and listless and sometimes lightheaded. That you don't get enough sleep. Write little notes to yourself when you feel something that doesn't feel "right". One or two of those things sometimes is annoying but all of those things all the time warrants some bloodwork. If it were me I would ask for a blood glucose test, a thyroid hormone level, and heck while their at it, why not a full hormone panel. And don't let them tell you no for an answer. I think we work so hard on getting our kids the help they need that we forget to advocate for ourselves. ]
And be proud of yourself for every good thing you do during your day. Praise yourself and know that you really deserve it, because you do!!
Heather
Thanks, everyone.
Your kind words and advice mean a lot.
whoah, I'm so glad that you have a place like this to dump all that!!!
Thanks, Debbie,
LOL about the post-partum comment, though.
OMG, OMG. OMG I could of written your post sweetie!!!!
I have the same thing going on at my house, and I am about to go bonkers! Too bad we arn't next door neighbors! We could console each other, and cry, and drink that tecante(sp?) beer, while the boys go wild lol. Hey at least we could understand their behavior and work as a team lol.
Sweetie on the eating thing.... I completely understand. Chris is perservering on food right now and he won't eat anything in the house. It has to either be Cosco hot dogs thats made from the hot dog bin (It has to be plain and the bun HAS to have sesame seeds!) or Mcdonalds. Period. This will probably go on for about the next 2 months btw.
Of course we can't buy that for 3 meals a day for him, but he litterly starves when we say no and try to get him to eat something healthier. We normally have to do it once or twice a day tho so he will eat. And so he won't make our life miserable.
Yesterday I had to work (I drive a Schwans truck part time). He was at home and called me to cry about how he needed to eat such and such things. I said Chris you need to try to figure out what you can eat at home until dad gets home (2:00).
I suggested many things.... but no go.
I had a guy running the route with me. I had to see a customer, so I put my phone down in the front seat and said "I hope he doesn't call too much for you".
I went to see the customer, filled her order, came back and said I hope it wasn't too bad, and he said "He called 29 times"
So you see, I understand.
{{{Evelyn}}} You are NOT a bad mother. You just need time for yourself. LOL Like I should be talking right????
Lainie
Dear Evelyn,
Sorry about the LOL emoticon, but it was honest, after reading the thread and the baby stuff. A baby! Sooo cute....But how would I do it? And as it is, I have already been nursing for nearly 6 years straight. Went right through my pregnancy with #2 for number one, and weaned #1 when he was a little over 3, and the baby was about 5 months old. Now #2 just turned 3. Weaning is probably not in the future because it does not seem to be on either of our agendas. ("Baby" shows no interest in stopping, and I love that I have a way to calm him in an intense tantrum or when he wakes up from one of his toddler night-mares.)
But seriously, about your post, thank you. I know it was supposed to be a pity-fest, but it was a real good reminder that moms need care too. So take care of yourself. and thanks for posting.
Sidney
Edited to add:
I just posted my own story. And I realized that I had I nagging social-injustice concern that I think you would understand. I am pretty lucky. I have a job, DH has a job, we can afford things that many others can't. Yet at my son's early intervention school, I feel a bit like I'm one of the struggling parents financially. (I could not afford staying at home without radical changes, and I can't afford a nanny.) That is just not right that it seems that the children in the school come from fairly affulent families when our children have differences and disabilities that don't especially affect the economically advantaged! In addition, my experience with my first child helped me secure services for my second. It is just not right that advocacy skills and resources make such a difference. That is not a free and public education! And that does stress me out at times.-Sidney
Edited 5/7/2007 4:17 am ET by bsidney
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