NT siblings and having friends
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| Wed, 02-08-2006 - 3:16pm |
Well, Tyler brokedown in tears lastnight. He made plans to have his friend (since he's known since kindy) come over on Fri after school to play. He feels uncomfortable. He's so afraid that someday.....his friend will say, "why is your brother so weird?" His friend already knows that Nathan is a bit different, but doesn't know that he's autistic. Tyler isn't ready to tell him. And he's afraid to tell him.
He's reluctant to get too close to the kids at this new school. What if they want to play outside of school? What if they meet his brother? What if they think he's weird?
I went thru the whole speech of what true friends are. That it's ok to feel this way, but that Nathan will always be autistic....this is our life. We even talked about how hard it is for Nathan. He loves his brother, but he's just having a hard time right now.
Tyler is soooo social, and the thought of not having friends is just not something he wants to think about. But then, he can't bear the thought of his friends or classmates knowing about his brother.
Dh is going to talk with him too. To see if he can help. Tyler told me this when I was tucking him into bed lastnight. Nathan wanted to know what was wrong with Tyler. I told him that he was sad. AND FOR THE FIRST TIME....Nathan questioned me...he wanted to know WHY Tyler was sad. I couldn't tell him, so I didn't. I just told him to go to sleep, and that mommy calmed Tyler down..he's going to sleep now.
I may have to cancel Tyler's plans for Fri. (he said he would let me know today) I told him that he can't just keeping going over to his friend's house, they WILL want to come over to his house too. When his friend has come over in the past.....Tyler spends alot of his time "protecting" Nathan, making sure his friend doesn't go into Nathan's room or touch his toys. He feels like he's caught in the middle.
michelle

Michelle,
The thing I've found about most families is that every family has it's own quirks. I have 3 little ones and Chase(AS) and his sister Ashley(7/NT) have both visited at their friends houses and vice-versa and some of the friends brothers and sisters are just as quirky as ours. I'm not sure how to explain that to Tyler but I think he's just got to get his feet wet on this one to find out. That's not to suggest that kids won't notice that Tyler's brother is not NT but it's really all in how you sell it. Chase, while annoying at times, is respected by his sister's friends because we push his stong points to friends and minimize the more difficult ones. HTH, Vicky
That is so tough! Poor Tyler, I always wonder what will happen with Ella when it comes time for having friends over. I just taked about this with my sister the other day because she has a little girl who is 9 months older than Jake and they are very close but I know a day will come when my niece will be embarressed by him in front of her friends and that will be very painful for me to watch. I think you did a great job reasurring Tyler that it was totally natural to feel that way because I'm sure he probably feels guilty about it.
Teresa