NT Siblings neglect?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2010
NT Siblings neglect?
4
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 1:40am

I couldn't figure out a title that sounded right in short form so forgive that title.



I find myself worried about my younger son who is completely a typical kiddo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2010
Wed, 09-29-2010 - 12:08am

Thanks ladies.



I just worry a lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-26-2010 - 2:29pm

I worry about this too.

                                

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2005
Sat, 09-25-2010 - 12:07am

I have four kids: 16yo AS dd, 14yo NT ds, 12you AS ds, 7yo NT dd.

I did have some guilt initially over my youngest NT dd since she spent a lot of her toddler/preschool years sitting at appts for the AS kids, esp since we were just learning about AS at that time. I didn't have the same time or energy to give her that my older kids got. On the other hand, less time/energy from mom is partially just a feature of being youngest, regardless of whether the older siblings have AS or not.

My 7yo NT dd has never mentioned feeling like she's pushed aside for AS (she sometimes feels like she doesn't get enough attention, but she hasn't felt like it was AS related).

My 14yo NT ds often gets aggravated at his AS siblings since they can't do or aren't interested in doing the same things NT ds can, but he's never expressed unhappiness over the amount of time we invest in the AS siblings. The only thing that comes close for him is that when we need a babysitter, NT ds is the only one who can babysit 7yo dd since the AS kids can't. NT ds usually doesn't mind the babysitting, though (esp if I throw in some occasional candy).

My NT's think the AS kids get away with too much (special meals, not as many chores or responsibilities), and my AS kids think the NT's get too much independence (ex: walk to the store or go bike riding on their own).

The things I worry about most are the ones that usually end up being no big deal, and vice versa. I think no matter what the situation is, mommy guilt will make us feel bad! It sounds like your younger ds is getting some great one-on-one time. The rest of it is a good learning experience for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Fri, 09-24-2010 - 3:12pm

I do worry about this, sometimes. I have 2 NT kids that are younger than my ASD kid. I don't think the Aspie takes up more *time* anymore, because Euan is now fairly independent and making good progress: all his supports etc are in school, and out of school he does just as many activities as his siblings. But Euan certainly takes up a lot more of my attention, energy, concern etc than the younger ones. There is just so much to worry about, and everything is much harder.

But they all get a fair share of the love, and other resources (time, activities, etc) that there is to go around. And I certainly don't feel guilty that my NT kids have a 'difficult' brother, even though some of the accommodations we have to make for him don't feel fair (eg having to have the TV off everywhere when he is doing homework, because if there is even a hint of a distraction he can't concentrate). It's teaching them a lot about care, and difference, and as I have physical challenges to accommodate (I have rheumatoid arthritis which means I am sometimes not as mobile as I'd like to be) they are fast learning to be compassionate.

I think you do need to be careful, but also that you don't want to be letting yourself feel guilty unnecessarily. We have enough emotional demands on us without making ourselves feel bad!

Kirsty, mum to Euan (11, Aspergers Syndrome) Rohan (7, NT) and Maeve (4, NT)

"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"



Follow my blog on http://mumsnet.com/blogs/kirsteinr/



"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"


Follow my blog on http://mumsnet.com/blogs/kirsteinr/