Oh my goodness, how do I start?
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| Mon, 09-03-2007 - 4:49pm |
Well, my 6 year old is starting the first grade and my 3 year old is starting a brand new preschool, and I am frozen at how to start the communication books.
I do not want to scare the teachers into thinking I think that they must be perfect, or have the IEP memorized, but I do not want them wasting time getting to know my children, which will basically take the whole school year.
The three year old is easier. Both he and I have met the teacher, and I feel like she "gets" him.
The six year old is going to his second year in school. He is in a team-taught 1st grade with a regular ed teacher I've never met with a good reputation, and a special education teacher I've only superficially met over a year ago, and who has never met me or my son first hand, unless she did a bit last year without my knowing. The school already thinks I am never happy, but I think I'm pretty easy going. I sure my reputation preceeds me.
I am primarily worried that my son, who looks fine and happy when he is not, will be overlooked when he needs help. He is easier to manage than most of the typical kids, if you have no awareness or need to respond to his anxiety and no need to make sure that he is actually "there" at school. He really needs a little special attention to teach him to read the charts and schedules on walls, and he will be able to self-calm quite a bit by reviewing them. But if I ask for something so simple, I am sure that I will get feedback that I am projecting my own feeling on to my son. (WRONG!) That there is actually no problem (WELL, PERHAPS NO OBVIOUS PROBLEM AT SCHOOL, ASSUMING YOU ARE NOT CONCERNED WITH HIS LEARNING ANYTHING!) and that I am making unrealistic demands on a class of 19 with two teachers and one aide.
I tend to be much too detailed and wordy, and it turns people off. I need a short, friendly way to start my first graders communication book. Any suggestions?
Yours,
Sidney


Sidney,
I'm new to posting on this board, but just had to respond! My son fit exactly into the description of your son - a few years ago. My son attended K at our local elementary school. He started out the year strong - even the teachers admitted that he was 'ahead' of a good portion of the 'typical' kids in his class. Nothing to worry about, right?! Well, let's just say that by the end of the year he was behind. Even in a class with a highly regarded teacher. To make a long story short, school was just not for him. He was just like your son in that he was so, so easy for both the regular teacher and part-time aide. He was easy-going, friendly, always looked happy. I was always told that he was easier to work with than most of the 'typical' kids! It goes without saying that Alex's needs were ignored much of the time, especially when the teacher had to deal with a handful of typical kids with behavior issues!
Fast forward to now - 2 years later - we are beginning our 3rd year of homeschooling! I don't regret one moment of our decision to homeschool, except that I hadn't started earlier. I suppose I needed evidence that school was not going to work for us. My son is really happy and never mentions wanting to return to school.
You didn't mention anything about looking into homeschooling, so I'm assuming that this is not an option you are currently considering. I respect that. Just wanted to let you know that there ARE options and that these options can open the door to much happiness!
Good luck!
Lisa, mom to Alex (8) and Natalie (6)
I would start by just inviting communication. That you are concerned but optomistic this will be a good year. You have some concerns you would like to discuss or things you would like to be sure she is aware of when the teacher has an opportunity. Could she contact you with what times may work for her.
The beginning of the year is so overwhelming for all that she likely won't comprehend a long note the first day regardless of her efforts to read it but a short invite to more conversation would likely stick.
Renee
Dear Lisa,
It does sound like our boys are similar. My little guy is a little ahead academically, perhaps half a year with a lot of mixed skills, but he could so easily fall behind. He can't think and process in a hustle-bustle, and he gets "stuck" easily when problem solving. I am worried about his "bonking" around the third grade, when he has to be less literal, and discuss main ideas, character motivation, etc.
The main reason my son went to public kindy was that the school would not provide OT, PT, and ST at the private school I love. The official staff ratios and class size is similar in the private school, but the private school always has extra people in the class. For example, there are a couple of teenage interns who coach pairs of children playing checkers and chess. It's a wonderful school; my son returned there for the summer and he was almost always involved with a peer when I picked him up. In addition, they are low key about academics, so that the children learn at their own paces, and nobody feels ahead or behind. They emphasize science, art, Spanish and problem solving, and the phonics and arithmetic is snuck in. It is really like special education for all of the kids. If I could have afforded it and private therapies, he would have been there for Kindergarten all year.
My son would be a good candidate for home-schooling, but I would not be a good home-schooler. I NEED to work full-time, and not only to pay the mortgage. It helps ground me, even though it is stressful. In addition, my son is not "easy" for me.
If my son has a lot of social difficulties that will partially resolve themselves when his peers just get older, I will seriously consider home-schooling in middle school. I'll get a sitter/shuttler to some lessons, and try to get him a job, perhaps as an intern at his former preschool if he is interested in early childhood. I already know they give their interns very helpful and meaningful jobs. Many of them look aspie-ish. And they are around more in the summer and when schools out. If I can pull this kind of thing off, my son will be available school days. I will still be working full-time.
Thanks,
Sidney
Dear Renee,
A few hours ago my little guy woke up from a nightmare as I was finishing up responding to Lisa. Now I have to go to work, but I wanted to thank you. I really trust you, which makes it a little easier to consider your advice. You are completely right, but that is completely counter-intuitive for me. (That's why I picked Frazzled for an emoticon; I don't like having to change.) I am comfortable writing, but I will compromise by saving a written bullet point style thing for a conference if the teachers say they will have one in person. I will send it as a follow up if we have a conference by phone. But I will keep my first greeting to two sentences.
(My first draft was 446 words.)
_Sidney
You are so sweet! 446 that is awesome.
The are 2 reasons I thought of the method I did. First, teachers are completely overwhelmed the first day and often in fact the first week. I don't think she would have time to read it. The second was in a discussion she could ask questions of anything she didn't understand and truly comprehend better.
However, another option is email. You can tell her you want to discuss some things but realize the first day is busy. Is there a school email address you could use to communicate with her. Then you get to write which is your preferred method, and the teacher has it there ready to read when she is able, plus you can write back and forth more easily. Email is definitely my preferred method.
Renee
Sidney,
I have a very similar problem with my DD. She is the kid who will *seem* to be with the class, when she is off in La-la land.
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Paula,
This needs a new thread, but
WTF? Herded into a common room? That is the kind of thing that should be done in a crisis, such as if their school just got flooded, and they were suddenly being absorbed into another school. I can't see wasting childrens' instructional time on that administative stuff. My school district sent out the teachers names one week before school, which I think was to keep them from having to deal with feedback on it all summer long. I can understand that. I am sure that they have to make some changes as kids move in and out of the district, etc. and it would be extra work to keep having to explain changes. But to wait until the first day to announce what they have probably had mostly cooked up since June is stupid. There may be a serious mistake, such as Renee's Cait who was put into the wrong math class for her. What if Renee found that out on the first day of classes?
Oh, back to the over-lookable student problem...the one who saw that best in my son were the non-special ed teachers at my sons' preschool/daycare. They said that he kept them on their toes, because he can look "there" and be gone, or look spaced out, but be hanging on every word. They said that they had to check-in with him often to see where his attention was.
-Sidney