Oh! Why didn't I think of that?

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Registered: 03-31-2003
Oh! Why didn't I think of that?
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Tue, 09-05-2006 - 12:31pm

You may recall last week I posted about how wonderfully David did on his first few days of school, and how terrific his teacher is, etc. Well, Thursday and Friday were not quite as wonderful, but that's to be expected.

So, this morning, David woke up thinking, for some reason, that it was going to be yet another weekend day. He was disappointed that he wouldn't get to play all day at home, and really resisted going to school. We got there on time, but with lots of grumbling and weirdness.

After dropping off David at the place where the big kids listen to the principal's morning message, Nathan and I were on our way to his kindergarten classroom, when David's teacher stopped me. She asked how things were going, which I think is code for, "Should I expect another difficult day with David?" She acknowledged that David has Asperger's, and that it's a bit different for him, but then she asked me if I would please "have a little talk with him and tell him that in the 3rd grade we don't climb under our desks."

Well, as you can imagine, I'm just thunking myself on the head, and saying, "DUH!" In 8.5 years, it never once occurred to me to have a talk with him about appropriate behavior! So that's the answer! Obviously, I'll be talking to him this afternoon when he gets home. After that, I guess I'll be weaning him off his meds. And, well, I won't need this board anymore, of course, but I'll still try to be available to answer any questions. So, there it is. Have a talk with your child about appropriate behavior. I sure wish someone had suggested that back when he was licking the neighbors or throwing his underpants off the balconey.

Grrrmph!

(Oh, and the talk with the teacher make Nathan late for class.)

Evelyn

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Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 11:12pm

Yes, I think you should get right on that.

Follow me
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 12:08am

Sure, I will take a cupcake over here. I am celebrating today! (separate post for later)

Christie, why did you make the school go through all that work of an IEP and an FBA when you really should have been talking to him about his behavior. I mean, (in Emily voice) How rude!

This is what thick skins were made for gals. We need em because it gets really old to either a) be basically told on a regular basis that you suck as a parent or b) you must be making these problems up because they don't see them. I love when you get both from the same person like a day apart and they act like they don't even get the irony of that or have any memory.

I was reading in my "More than a Mom" book today that parents of kids with autism have about the highest rate of depression. That actually parents of kids with behavioral challenges (ADHD, mood disorders, autism, etc) have the higher rates than parents of kids with severe disabilities because of the constant toll this kind of thing takes on us. Anxiety over behavior in public, constant ridicule or feeling that our parenting is less than sufficient, etc. Good book. I highly recomend it.

Renee

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Avatar for googolplex
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Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 12:36am

OMG that cake sounds so yummy! I'm on Day 2 of a diet, because I saw a photograph of myself with my blubbery, stretch-marky belly hanging over my waistband, and it grossed me out so much that I decided I'm going to try to stick to a diet long enough to lose 20 pounds. I'm at that stage where my body still needs to get used to not being fed enough. And whoever says you don't have to go hungry to lose weight is WRONG. I've been all headachey all day.

I breathed in lots of virtual cake fumes with a milky cup of English tea, and that'll have to do. I am allowed a piece of cake on DH's birthday (the 12th), so maybe I'll ask if he'd like vanilla.

Oh, man...did I just tell people I'm on a diet? Gulp? Does that mean I have to stick to it for more than 3 days?

Evelyn.

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Registered: 11-07-2004
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 8:53am
It is really amazing the lack of education and understanding teachers have. We had our little 504 meeting and they told my kid was great, his academics were above grade level and he didn't need any help. So, the teacher constantly sends notes home about his difficulty in focusing and completeing writing assignments. I usually just reply with "Yep, I know what you mean, same problem at home". What I really want to say is:- No duh! He has Asperger's and I haven't discovered the cure yet but when I do, I will let you know.
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Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 12:55pm

Yesterday, my David was not that motivated to go to school - he told me his teacher didn't tell him he had to be on time for that day. HaHa - she'd been reminding him to be on time all last week and since 'she didn't say anything about today', my little one thought he could be late.

So, after I get back home yesterday, I get a call from the Assistant Vice Principal (I think) and they are concerned already about the few tardies we've already received this school year. Yep, I got the same kind of song-and-dance as last year. "What's the problem." "Can't you talk to him." "Don't you understand that when he is late he is missing out on an important part of his day?" I give the same answers as last year, that I am working on it, that I believe my son is ASD and remind them that our appointment with the neurological psychologist isn't until next week. I also remind them that anytime there is to be any disciplinary action and a child is on an IEP, that the child's disability has to be taken into consideration when determining how to handle the problem.

BTW: Do any of you have the same type of problem when trying to 'talk' to your child about something? My son gets exasperated and says, "Mom, it's too many words! I can't listen anymore!" A few years ago, my son was more than a year delayed in expressive and receptive speech/language skills - so talking about things didn't seem to help much then either. So, the 'why can't you talk to your kid' thing hasn't worked all that well around here either. : )

One other thing is already bugging me this school year....I told my son's teacher that I think he is on the spectrum and she tells me she knows a bit about that kind of thing. Then during the first six days of school, she moves his desk two times! Of course, that bugs my son - he loves it when things are where he expects them. So, I wrote the teacher a note - hopefully, I'll get an explanation about it. I truly hope she doesn't intend to rearrange the classroom every week!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 11:06pm

Thanks for the recipe Debbie.....I think I will make my son's class those cupcakes.....make sure son gets a couple of them under his belt and let's see how "chatty and squirmy" he is.......

(SMILE)
Christie

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Registered: 04-11-2003
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 8:06am

RDI talks about how you need to slow your speech down and use less words when talking to a child with ASD. This video explains it really well http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9JMXuHsG4A&mode=related&search=

Samantha

Samantha
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Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 11:00am

Awhile back I read a book titled something like "the one minute mother." The basic premise was that all verbal corrections should take no more than a minute. Anything more than that is just venting on our part, and the kids tune us out after that amount of time anyway. Plus, it's more impactful when it's short. I figure if that's true for a NT kid, it's gotta be at least as applicable for a spectrum kid! I don't always manage to be brief when I'm frustrated, but most of the time I try to keep it short. (I wish I could tell that it made a difference either way! When the effect is zero when I'm verbose or when I'm brief, how do I know it's working?)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 5:35pm

Thanks for the link - it is good to be reminded of how to talk. I do some of those things - maybe not always consistently - and my son doesn't always get it, but sometimes he does.

If a child is lacking in vocabulary, you can't expect them to understand things only by talking to them. Plus, how do explain why they have to go to school if you can only use 2 or 3 word sentences? About the only way I've found to get some ideas across to my son is to read books to my son, watch a specific video that addresses the subject or make up short stories. Seems like other people just have no idea of what it is like to communicate with an ASD kid - seems simple enough on the surface: just talk! HaHa. We know better! ; )

I was just recalling how I let my son know that he was going to start special ed preschool and was going to ride on a bus... For days, we'd get out his car mat and his toy school bus and play "going to school". Seemed to work.

Thanks again for the link!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2006
Fri, 09-08-2006 - 8:21pm
my sons teacher tells me that she has trouble getting him to transition from one class to another.She says she understands that he has major trouble going from one class to the next.Her daily talk with me consists of her saying"I cant get Randy to transition.I cant have this but I know he cant help it.You have to do something".I suggest an aid should walk him to his next class and she reminds me that she has 20 other students in her class and doesnt have the time to deal with his bad behavior but she knows he cant help it.Would I please explain it to him. Right, cant believe I havent already explained it all to him.