Ok- I really need advice now.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Ok- I really need advice now.....
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Tue, 09-27-2005 - 6:16pm

I posted last week that I thought Ian might be starting some sort of stimming behavior. I am pretty positive now. He violently shakes his head back and forth, but is getting some sort of calming benefit out of it. It is not that he does it when he is upset necessarily. He was dancing at a restaurant (to "Play That Funky Music White Boy"- it was already ready to crawl under the table!), and when the song was done he started eating again, and then started violently shaking his head. He was not crying or upset and after about 45 solid second of this violent shaking, he stopped and went back to eating again. He was not scared, upset, etc. But, after he did it he seemed quite calm and less antsy.

This behavior is now happening every day. I swear it looks like he is going to shake his head off his shoulders. What do I do? Have have a speech therapist, developmental therapist and RDI therapist for him, but nothing for sensor issues since until now it has not been much of an issue.

Do I stop Ian (he will through a fit if I try to stop him)? Do you have any coping strategies or things you do with your child that would help me address this? Before I take him for sensory help (be as so busy with classes as it is!), I was wondering if you had any thoughts or suggestions I could implement now???

Thanks!

Marisol
Mommy to Ian (2 1/2) and Ava (8 months)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 11:26am

I am with Paula.

I let my kids stim and if stressed they can stim in public. Cait's are so unobtrusive most don't notice hers so that doesn't matter. Her finger play and such is when her hands are down and is more of a fidget. Hard to explain. She has enough other social quirks to address.

For Mike, when he is stimming alot in public he is stressed. I would rather have a stim than a meltdown so go for it sweetie. And again, most others won't notice it as stimming, they would think he is hyper, weird or what not.

Honestly, I wish the world were a bit more accepting of differences instead of labelling things like stims weird. If the majority of the world was AS and the minority NT, Stimming would be acceptable and hugging would be weird.

However, that isn't the way it is and our kids don't want to be labelled as weird. I know many adults with autism will talk about how they hold it in all day and go home to thier safe place to stim. I think home being the safe stim place is important. Perhaps some lessons about appropriate places for behavior. That there isn't anything wrong with the behavior, it is just that some people may comment, etc.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 11:46am

Yes, I agree with home being a safe place to stim. We never stop Kyle from stimming at home. But we also never really talked to Kyle about stimming in public or taught him more socially acceptable stims. That's where I second guess myself and wonder if we were too accepting.

Samantha

Samantha
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 1:59pm
Paula - just wanted to respond to your post I do not post here often, and I am certainly not trying to upset people - I simply used the exact term that our ped. used (I am not saying it was a correct or even sensitive term) and I put it in "" which I thought would clarify. I was just glad to find someone else dealing w/ this specific issue - no matter how many people tell me that Owen's head shaking is not hurting him, it looks so awful it still concerns me. I do not really think he is "scrambling his brains", but it does look like it could, at the very least, cause a headache. I was just trying to describe the severity and force w/ which he shakes his head. This is a stim for Owen, and I do not think we should try to eliminate his stims, but we do work on redirect and more socially acceptable means - this is part of his OT
Anyway, I am sorry if the word "normal" upset or offended anyone, that was never my intention - I personally do not believe in "normal" even for my td kids - no child (or adult, for that matter) fits the textbook perfectly, but Owen is who he is, and that is normal for him.
Jenny
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 3:54pm

Malcolm (age 8, pdd-nos) does not have alot of "anti-social" stims. BUT when we finished the NT Day Camp this summer under completely overwhelming and stressful circumstances, he developed some --- pacing while muttering to himself under his breath, singing and rocking. He was also completely overfocused on his more socially-accepted relaxers ... headsets and soul music, gameboy, reading books and doing crossword puzzles, crawling all over me constantly, joint compressions and backrubs ... meaning that he was NOT OK about stopping any of them when asked, and his need to stim was so violent and whew! .. SO needy, so constant. Plus he was disappearing inside his own head all the time, so unreachable. Drove me completely nuts.

So, now he is back at ASD school and in all his outside therapies and activities. Regular playdates, etc. HAPPY, happy child, so very very happy. Almost no stims, they've all disappeared. In-depth conversations with kids (and ME, hooray!), meeting new kids, even playing pickup game of baseball this weekend with kids he really didn't know and did great! No transition problems, just a pleasure again.

We never redirected stims much. It is my experience that the more connected Malcolm gets, in each situation, with other children, back with his friends, working at RDI exercises and small groups therapy, etc., the stims disappear. Then he doesn't need them much. Sure, he wants to play computer games, gameboy, etc, he is after all a kid!! but is easy with our limitations and even gets bored with the screens quickly!

I just feel that addressing the stress, finding ways to lower it ... teaching our children how to succeed incrementally within their developmental needs ... and working on social interactions, helping our children build friendships and truly learn how to handle themselves out in the world works to lower the need for stims in the long run.

yours,

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 09-28-2005 - 7:24pm

Thank you all for your replies. It gave me a lot to consider and think about so I can figure this out. The whole allowing stimming vs not allowing it debate is a tough one. Can I be on both sides of the fence? LOL I want him to be comforted, but I am concerned about the social effect this may have on him in the future. About a year ago Ian started a head banging behavior that I could not allow because it was dangerous, but the shaking the head thing is no so clear cut for me. I am going to follow your suggestions and try to determine what sort of stimulation he is looking for when he is doing the head shaking. I will talk to his therapists also and get their advice.

All of your input was very helpful. Thank you.

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