OK, my 1st question!!
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OK, my 1st question!!
| Thu, 06-28-2007 - 8:08pm |
Hi all, I just posted here for the first time last night (my intro is
| Thu, 06-28-2007 - 8:08pm |
Hi all, I just posted here for the first time last night (my intro is
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Hi Michelle,
Its probably something you should follow with your gut feeling at this point. Does she ask questions about being different? Are things bothering her?
My son is 11 and has a dx of ASD thru his pys but he is being evaluated thru the resource center now. He is asking questions, wondering things like why don't I understand my friends jokes, and he notices he's a bit different. Since he's been saying these things I plan on telling him once the official word comes from the resource center. At this point I feel he deserves to know whats going on.
I freq another board sometimes (not on ivillage) that has mostly adult Aspies and they all said what a relief it was for them to finally find out what it was that made them so different.
It probably also matters on whether the child can understand it ie meaning if your child was 7, how much would they understand and how much would confuse them. My 7 yr old has Tourettes and I have had to slowely explain to him about his tics. And yes he gets confused, so I have to break it up.
I hope I helped :)
Lainie
My aspie just turned 10 in June, and he's known about his Dx for quite a while. It's been an incredible relief to him to understand why he's not like other boys (he's not into sports, or "fighting games", etc.)...and he's always consider his Aspergers as a thing to be proud of. When he was younger he did try to use it as an excuse a couple of times, but we nipped that in the bud immediately, and it's not longer an issue.
Our NT (neurotypical) middle child who just turned 8 is very aware of her brother and sisters dx's, and I think it's been excellent for her to have a better understanding of her siblings. Yes, they still squabble now and then, but she's excellent at defending her siblings, helping them make good choices, and understanding that sometimes they just can't help their behaviors.
Our youngest isn't capable of understanding her Dx because she's significantly more affected and unable to comprehend stuff of this magnitude. If she ever gets to the point where we feel she could understand, we'd certainly tell her as well.
In short, being honest with our kids about autism has never caused any problems.
My husband is a self-admitted unDx'd aspie and he wishes to gawd that he'd have known then what he knows now about his behaviors. Could've saved him a lot of depression and self-loathing as an adolescent. As it was, he blamed himself for being different and never understood why he didn't have friends and couldn't relate to people. It's really helped him as an adult in terms of being better able to communicate, etc.
Just my two cents~ :-)
Amy
I think this is such an individual question, particularly to the child. I echo previous posters. My almost 10-year-old child does now know that he has mild autism, but he only recently figured this out and he calls it "a little autism". This makes sense to him because he knows quite a few children with severe autism. He also knows many children whose autism is like his, and many other children who "don't have much autism at all". We have not yet spent much time talking about the diagnosis, etc., only his specific strengths and challenges, about which he knows each and every person on the planet has differences in in varying degrees. We do not dwell on the diagnosis.
But my child is also currently being homeschooled, participates in outside activities where he is comfortable, has strong friendships, and does not consider himself particularly different. So for us, this is not a big issue. I have been very happy that my son's awareness of himself has been gradual. He has always understood that where he has challenges does not mean he is less of a person. But he may have to work harder in order to accomplish some things that come easier to others, such as dealing with competition and controlling his impulses. And then his strengths .. stunning memory, whiz at math and computer languages, musical talents .. are areas where his mommy and many others can't keep up!!
So, I also think whether or not you start to discuss her dx with your duaghter would depend on her needs right now.
And welcome to the board!
Sara
ilovemalcolm
Mich
There are a couple books that might help if she likes to read. In particular are the asperger adventure books that are written right at this age level. There are a couple that are specific to girls.
My dd read one we had bought and she really related to the main character on her own. When we told her she was just like Daisy she was actually thrilled. We have often talked about differences as we have lots of opportunities with this in our lives. To us it is just different not wrong. We also really highlighted the strengths and kids as individuals regardless of differences. I think this helped as well.
Once we did explain that she had this we told her it just meant her brain worked differently. That in some things she was really awesome and does great, in other things she may need some help or different ways of doing things and that is ok.
We also have a book called "Aspergers, what does it mean to me". It is a work book and helps the child understand about themselves. Lots of these books written at their age as well as being open about it in conversation has really helped.
Renee
Hi Michelle. My 9yo dd is an Aspie too... diagnosed last year. I agree that you should do what you feel is best and what you think your dd would be most comfortable with. In our case, my dd was overly aware that she was different than the other kids and it really bothered her. She also knew that she was throwing huge tantrums over things and was scared by it because she didn't know why things bothered her as much as they sometimes do. So I chose to talk to her about the diagnosis and it was a big relief for her to know that there was an honest to goodness reason behind everything. She's proud to be an Aspie and loves to talk to people about it. :) But I can imagine there are other kids that would just be more upset knowing there was something "wrong". Just depends on the child.
Jill
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp
Mich
Haley is like that a lot of the time too. She likes to play with kids a lot younger than her and loves the Teletubbies too. LOL
If she isn't aware of being "different" and is happy, you might hold off a little while on telling her but that's entirely your decision.
That is fantastic that you don't have the tantrums. My two dd's fight constantly too. !( and 9... it is often hard to tell which is the older one. LOL
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp
I can't tell you glad I am to hear that!
Mich
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