Okay momma bears....please advise me
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Okay momma bears....please advise me
| Tue, 11-20-2007 - 11:23am |
on how to handle a school situation??
My AS son is in 2nd grade and it has been a tough year.
| Tue, 11-20-2007 - 11:23am |
on how to handle a school situation??
My AS son is in 2nd grade and it has been a tough year.
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I once had a boss who told me "don't come to me with a problem and no solutions. I don't want to hear about problems unless you have put some thought into how to fix them".
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Ditto to what Paula said! She always has such great advice!
Amy~Natalie & Lily's mom
Believe it or not, the school has a bullying program. My kids know very well what it is. Only problem is, I am just not seeing any response from the teacher other than, "we know this child is a problem, we are working on it, we expect to see progress very soon..." Only that was 2 months ago. I just got off the phone with the teacher and she gave me the same song again. The school has a zero tolerance policy toward any kind of physical altercations - and DS should have told her about it at the time (right, he's going to jump up off the floor in front of the kid who tripped him and immediately tell the teacher.....). I told her that he told US and we are telling her - isn't that enough? She said the consequence should be immediate or it will be less effective....so no, I guess not.
I hate public school.
Invite 'T' over for a playdate.
Seriously. Bullies are not born, they are made, and anyone who's ever worked on a *successful* anti-bullying scheme knows that the separation/punishment/labelling approach is a downward spiral for everyone concerned. The school needs to address 'T's needs and help sort him out, and they need to protect your son. But you can fart into the wind waiting fot that, whilst if I were you (and I have been in your situation) I'd take matters into my own hands. Don't confront, or punish 'T'. Invite him over for a playdate - if DS would find that too stressful, take them both out for a joint activity they will both like - and take the opportunity to get 'T' to get to know your son, and vice versa, in a structured, safe environment. He's only picking on your son because he can, because to him, DS is distant and wierd and weaker. As soon as he thinks of him as a real person, and particularly a person who may have some attributes he understands, can empathise with or likes, he won't be able to pick on him anymore, and if he does need to pick on someone, it'll be someone else.
Try it. If it doesn't work, you have nothing to lose and you will at least feel that you tried PLUS you can legitimately go to the school all guns blazing saying you've done YOUR best, now what are THEY going to do? I've done it successfully with my Aspie and my NT when they were being picked on (and when my Aspie started doing some picking on himself in a slightly misguided 'fitting in' attempt) and it worked wonders.
Kirsty
mum to Euan (9, Asperger's), Rohan (4, NT) and Maeve (very-nearly-2, NT)
"we know this child is a problem, we are working on it, we expect to see progress very soon..."
You need to put your foot down very hard and say (preferably in writing)
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
My problem is the reverse. My aspie son (4th grade)
Mollie
We have the same thing happening.
I was thinking the same thing coming from the POV of the parent of the autistic child who is very verbal and was very aggressive. Thankfully in 6th grade it is finally just verbal outbursts and he hasn't hit in a while but he would if he were in public school.
I was thinking it is very possible this other child has a diagnosis of his own as well. As for the "pushing and laughing" for instance, I have an ASD boy in my class that will push other kids and laugh however, he is doing it to initiate play. Or he is doing it to get a reaction out of me or my aide. He is not a "bully" in the typical sense of bully, not at all. But right now if you look at some of his behaviors in isolation that is what you would think. I also know his parents haven't done anything that would contribute to this behavior kwim?
We can't judge a kid or a situation unless we have all the information and with VERY strick laws about confidentiality you are not going to know all the information.
In fact, you are getting the same info from the teacher because that is all the info she can likely legally tell you. If this is a child with a disability and he is on a behavior plan she cannot tell you that. If he is making progress in his classroom he cannot be moved based on behavior alone. Just came across that problem myself.
At anyrate, see if you can perhaps talk to the principal about the situation. You may be able to get a bit more information there as well as what they can do about it. The principal has more pull.
You definitely need to make sure that your son is safe, however, I think you were right not to rush to judgement on this child initially with a label such as bully without all the info. I would take it to the principal next. YOu have gotten all you can from the teacher and it might help the situation to go to the next level.
Renee
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