One-on-one aide?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2008
One-on-one aide?
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 1:20am

I don't know if I'll get much response to this since I haven't really been here before except to lurk but I could really use some input/suggestions/something/experiences. This may get long so please bear with me.

My 13yr old son has been diagnosed with ADHD, LD, ODD, PDD/NOS, Bi-polar, sleep disorder, and is currently being evaluated for Asperger's. He's had difficulty in school since Kindergarten (6th grade now) and I've had to fight for most of that time to get him the assistance he needs. He's been hospitalized 3 times and is currently in a residential facility because he had become dangerous to himself and others. He's starting to make a little progress on his physical aggression but is still having a lot of trouble with his school work. Oh, he also stutters which gets worse depending on his stress level. He's had difficulty in school since the beginning and has developed a coping mechanism. Sleep. As soon as it's time to start a subject he isn't good at or doesn't like, or is bored by, he'll lay his head down and fall asleep. He also does this in other situations that he doesn't want to be in, such as therapy or when I'm talking to hin about what's going on at school, etc. I don't know if it's easier for him to just fall asleep than to sit still long enough to get the work done, or what. Anyway, if an aide is sitting right with him, he'll get his work done but if he's required to do it on his own (even if it's something he can do), he either just doesn't do it or he lays his head down and falls asleep. I'm looking into pushing the school board to try and get a one-on-one aide for him so that the work will get done. I talked to one person at the school board office and was told that it would be nearly impossible to get the aide approved and that most of the kids with an aide tend to use it as a "crutch". Okay, I get that. But, if the work gets done with the aide/crutch, isn't it worth it? I don't want him to need an aide all of his life but he's always been very dependant on me or someone else to always be there for him. Nothing gets done without constant reminders or being right there with him. Does it not seem that they would want him to pay attention and get his work done, thus LEARN? Why (besides $) would they deny even a "crutch", if that's what a kid needs to succeed? I know it's not the ideal situation. I'd love for him to be able to do it on his own and get it done without someone having to be right beside him. For him to be a "typical" child. That's just not the case. I guess I'm hoping that by getting the aide, he'll eventually get to the point of feeling that he really can do it alone and not need it any more at some point. Either way, I want him to succeed, to do the best that he can, even if he needs help to do it.

Okay, this got longer than I though it would but hopefully (if any of you got to the end, lol) you'll understand my point. Would you push for 1/1? Do you think it's ridiculous to even ask for it? Ideas? Suggestions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2003
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 12:12pm

I would push for it.

First I would put my case together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Thu, 04-07-2011 - 2:10pm

My son has an aide at school, but they refuse to call him a 1:1 aide.

Andrea, mom to

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2008
Fri, 04-08-2011 - 12:08am
Thank you both for your responses. I had two meetings today at the center. One with the director and head of education and the other was with my son and his therapist. Both meetings went really well. Having to place him in a facility was one of the most difficult decisions we've ever had to make but I truly feel it was the right one. Chris (my son) has, just in the last couple days, started doing somewhat better about doing his work. Yesterday he got all of it done and today, as of lunch time, he had done all of it again. His class is quite small, like maybe 10 kids, and there is an aide in the class at all times. He's finally starting to ask for help instead of just putting his head down or causing distractions. He said that he hadn't been asking for help because at the other school (public school/inclusion classes), the aide would go to all the other kids before coming to him so he quit asking. We've decided to give him a week or so and see if he continues to do well or not before moving ahead with pushing the school board. If he continues to do well with the class aide, that's great. If he starts slipping again, we'll be on top of it with the assistance of the ed director, his therapist, and the facility director to back us up.
His therapist and I have decided to work on one issue at a time. Right now it's his education and getting his work done. The few days he's done really well with his school work, the entire day has gone really well and he's been really happy with himself. Even his peers are proud of him on those days and really show it and let him know what a good job he's done. I'm hopeful that he will continue to do well. Fingers crossed!