Outraged about school's treatment & PDD

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Outraged about school's treatment & PDD
2
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 1:02pm

Hello, I have a 10 yr. old ds with PDD. My ds has been falling through the cracks academically at his school and I am fed up with their insensitivity or maybe it's just plain ignorance. He is 3 grade levels behind, can barely read or write yet the teachers do nothing to help him!!! On top of that they handle him inappropriately. His aide of two yrs. just left two weeks ago. The school didn't bother telling me or my son about it until the day before!!!! I just found out from my ds's teacher from last year that the school knew the aide was leaving last year but placed her with him anyway and failed to inform us. On top of that they just hired another aide for him and she started yesterday. My ds went 2 days without an aide and the other few days with a fill in.

The other issue is his teacher kept him in from recess one day last week because I forgot to sign his reading log! When I confronted her about punishing him for my oversight....her answer was that he needs to be more responsible and remember to ask me. Is she kidding???? My son is on medication, which takes 45 min to kick in!!! Our mornings are spent trying to keep him from hurting and teasing his brothers, trying to get him dressed/fed and under control. How in the world is he going to remember to make sure his reading log is signed???? Even after the meds kick in he has significant working memory deficiencies,along with a speech and language disorder. I was so angry at her.

At recess there are a bunch of girls who keep teasing my ds. He'll try to play soccer with a bunch of friends and the girls keep stealing the ball. My ds has complained to me that the lunch monitor's ignore his requests for help in getting these girls to stop. Finally one day my ds had it and grabbed the girl who stole the ball and pushed her. Of course my ds was the only one punished because the girl claimed they were all playing tag. I don't condone my ds's behavior but I can see why he would of grabbed her. After all of this I asked the teacher to speak with the lunch monitor's, the teacher tells me she can't and to bring it up with the princple. Wouldn't you know the girls are still teasing him!

The other issue is the bus. The driver screams, yells and pulls over the bus several times each day. My 3 ds's that are on the bus are terrified of the driver. After many complaints from various mother's on the same bus route, myself included. Nothing has been done. The driver is cursing, threatening to hit children and scaring them. She doesn't make eye contact with any of the mothers of the children on the bus which tells me plenty. I spoke with the assistant principle and told him my DS with PDD especially, cannot handle this kind of atmosphere. He lied to me and insisted that no other parent( meanwhile I know of 4 others) had called and complained and directed me to the bus company. What do we have to do to get this driver fired??? My children aren't even the targets of this woman's rage which I pointed out to the assitant principle.

This is only a taste of the things we are dealing with this year! Any words of advise would be greatly appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 4:13pm

Dear Kristine,

I am afraid I have no great words of advice, but have been hearing so many stories like yours for so long now. Because of a failing special ed system in public schools in NYC, we have always had our PDD son in special ed private schools paid for by the Board of Ed. Thus, while he is not among NT children as "peers" -- teasing, exclusive peer modeling, it usually sounds horrible to me --- he IS being taught by experts who KNOW how to teach him and help him learn emotionally and socially, and he is flourishing! And years ahead of grade level. And frankly, the kids he is with in these schools are adorable and kind and make great friends, so no harm there!!!

The argument that our children have the right to be educated among their peers is a terrific one ideologically, but practically it does no good if ALL the modifications that our children need in order to fit in and learn up to their full potential, etc. are NOT met.

Sadly, this has put parents of PDD kids in a constant state of battle with schools, and I am afraid the biggest lesson so many of our spectrum children are learning is that they DON'T fit in and can't learn! This makes me very very angry. I know there are some great success stories, but no guarantees anywhere that there will be an appropriate education for our kids as the teachers/situations change from year to year. And there should NEVER be a year where our children are essentially abused going to school!

If this were me, I would pull my kid until the situation is remedied, start sending letters for new IEP meeting, call for team meetings that include this teacher, bring disciplinary charges against bus driver, and possibly call a good advocate or lawyer. Perhaps there needs to be a complete overhaul of his IEP? Or is this staff out of compliance with what is already written? There is NO excuse for the bus driver, none. Although here our children are bussed separately with matrons because there is not enough supervision on regular buses for their well being. Still, even NT kids shouldn't have to deal with a terrorist...

Steph and the other gals over at IEP Board here at iVillage are pros at how to work with school districts. I would run all this by them, because it sounds like you need to be much more proactive in fighting the school district to get your son's needs met...

Good luck. And (((((HUGS)))) to you during this tough time.

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 7:00pm

Kristine,

I so wish I was really in a place to be helpful. My mind is just swimming and can't seem to get a coherent thought together on this.

I have to say, reading this treatment your son gets infuriates and frustrates me. Why? Because not only have I dealt with it in the past (recent and distant). I have read about it all too often and it just is sooooo frustrating.

I had been fortunate. My kids elementary school of the last 2 years has been a dream. Prior to this school....well... My dd (older of my 2 ASDer's) went on to middle school this year and again some of the same issues arise and again I have to go to school and work it out in a professional manner when what I want to do is scream at them and slap them silly.

The reading log thing hit home (as did the teasign and frustration). I have 4 kids, 3 on IEP's, 2 with HFA/AS. I have ADHD myself. So homework and such is a bit of an issue. And they put soooooo many responsibilities and such on our kids. Lots of things to sign, lots of papers to turn in. And ya know what, my kids aren't going to remember on thier own and sometimes I forget. I try not to, but I do. And I feel so DARN horrible when they are in school and I realize I forgot this field trip form or that signature on a homework assignment.

He should be more responsible. OK, if he had a physical disability and was in a wheel chair would he be able to get up and walk just because we punish him if he doesn't? Punishing a child with severe executive function deficits because they forgot something isn't going to make them more responsible or organized.

Well, just wanted to say, I understand and welcome.

Renee

Photobucket