Hi Mary. I don't post all that much either but visit often. While I've learned a lot, I still feel I have a lot to learn so I don't always feel comfortable giving advice either but I share when I can. My daughter (10) was diagnosed two years ago with Aspergers. I never knew anything about it but always wondered if something was "wrong" with her because she was so sensitive and had so many tantrums and meltdowns. When we finally got the diagnosis, it was actually a relief to know that it wasn't just my imagination... there really was a reason for it all. It marked a turning point where we could learn about it and adjust our home life to make things easier for Haley. I understood her so much better. I knew where she was coming from.
As for the IEP and Special Ed... I was a little concerned at first about her being taken out of class for special ed services but it really proved to be a good thing for her. Not only are the services themselves helpful, it also provides her with a change of scenery and a break from the normal workload. She is fully mainstreamed now but has teacher aids throughout the day for specific subjects that cause her anxiety.
I can see how the term "Autism" comes across as scary compared to "Aspergers". I think it is probably because we hear so much more in relation to Autism. Don't let it scare you though. Schools, or at least ours does, like to keep Aspergers under the Autism "umbrella" It all kind of relates. It becomes more of a classification more than anything else.
You're definitely not alone though. That's the greatest thing about this forum in my opinion. You never feel alone. I don't know anything about "outgrowing" Aspergers but I do think it gets easier as the kids learn to cope with things a little better. Haley was diagnosed in third grade. That year was a complete nightmare and it still upsets her sometimes. But with the help of her social worker, child psychiatrist, and the IEP... she has come a very long way. We still have our problems but they minimal compared to what they used to be. Believe me, things do get better. (((hugs)))
Mary my daughter is still very young and has yet to receive a "true" diagnoses yet, so im afraid i dont have much advice for u , except to hang in there and not give up!! now u said he has finally received a diagnoses correct ?? and have therapies started ??
Please take as much as you need. Because this is what you need now. I promise someday in the future you will find you can give too as a btdt. Understand you are grieving right now. I know my grief period began when ds (7) was dx 18 months ago and I honestly can say I'm only now beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I too just knew something wasn't quite right with ds#1 from as early as age 3, and even brought up Asperger's with EI, a neuropsychologist and a developmental ped. The all poo pooed me too. It took for ds to get into school and watch him fall apart in 1st grade before people listened.
Kudos to you for pushing for your ds and getting the school to finally listen. It is a very steep learning curve but you can do it. We are all here and many have been exactly where you are today. I managed to get ds#2 dx at age 4 only because I had ds#1's history. I am sure ds#2 would have fallen through the cracks otherwise. Many aspies don't get the dx until the middle elementary years so I'm not surprised your ds received his in 3rd grade.
Both my boys have above average IQ scores, (infact ds#2 is in the very superior range) but one is in self contained and the other is in the spec ed preschool. This is to help get the OT, speech and social skills that they both need.
I have 5 children, the middle one is Dx with autism. When we were in the waiting-to-figure-out-what-he-had-and-what-we-needed-to-do-with-him" stage, I could not come to grips with the word autism. One friend trying to be helpful suggested we contact the local autism society and I went off on her that asperger's and autism were not the same. When we got the autism Dx, Weston was 8. We'd spent 2 years in limbo. He'd had speech therapy and Occupational Therapy, but wasn't getting any accomidations for his classes through his IEP. I had to push hard to get them to recognize his autism and needs in education.
He was totally able to hold things together while he was in early elementary school and the academics were not hard. He's also in the "superior" range for IQ tho he has some very low average scores and some very high scores w/i that range. Most people had no idea that he was autistic, tho the psychologist that came out and did his eval and was on the team that dx'd him, saw it right away. He had all the classic stimming symptoms and his speech was very odd. When the school decided he needed to be in honors/gifted classes for both math and language arts in 5th grade and that meant he had to change classes (and have a teacher who had an archaic notion that all autistic kids were idiots), he started having LOTS of problems. He's in 6th grade this year and we've spent the whole year working on getting the IEP perfected and making sure his placement is right. He's had a really really rough year.
I don't know what the experts say about a 'cure' or 'outgrowing' but I totally agree w/ Paula. There are lots of autistic kids who blend pretty well and have been taught to be polite and do specific things correctly in a social situation, but most autistic and aspergers kids struggle with this. I don't think you can train it all out of them tho because it's part of how they make decisions and figure out their world. My son has gotten more and more behind in some areas, meanwhile his academic abilities have grown and matured rapidly esp in math and history. However, he really is socially and emotionally younger than my 6 yr old. He's immature in most areas but not all. Right now I have doubts that he will be able to manage in the mainstream for all classes next year and don't know that he will be able to live on his own when he's grown. As much as I would love for someone to find a 'cure' for lots of his symptoms, I don't know that I would want them to change him. His autism is part of who he is. He's coping and understanding autism as best he can, sometimes he's even proud of it.
It's taken awhile for me to come to this truce w/ autism. My husband is on a similar path. Coming to terms with what we need to do as parents and figuring out how to parent this child who doesn't follow even loosely the norms of child development is an ongoing process.
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Mary, just wanted to send ((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))).
Thanks Ginny.
Hi Mary. I don't post all that much either but visit often. While I've learned a lot, I still feel I have a lot to learn so I don't always feel comfortable giving advice either but I share when I can. My daughter (10) was diagnosed two years ago with Aspergers. I never knew anything about it but always wondered if something was "wrong" with her because she was so sensitive and had so many tantrums and meltdowns. When we finally got the diagnosis, it was actually a relief to know that it wasn't just my imagination... there really was a reason for it all. It marked a turning point where we could learn about it and adjust our home life to make things easier for Haley. I understood her so much better. I knew where she was coming from.
As for the IEP and Special Ed... I was a little concerned at first about her being taken out of class for special ed services but it really proved to be a good thing for her. Not only are the services themselves helpful, it also provides her with a change of scenery and a break from the normal workload. She is fully mainstreamed now but has teacher aids throughout the day for specific subjects that cause her anxiety.
I can see how the term "Autism" comes across as scary compared to "Aspergers". I think it is probably because we hear so much more in relation to Autism. Don't let it scare you though. Schools, or at least ours does, like to keep Aspergers under the Autism "umbrella" It all kind of relates. It becomes more of a classification more than anything else.
You're definitely not alone though. That's the greatest thing about this forum in my opinion. You never feel alone. I don't know anything about "outgrowing" Aspergers but I do think it gets easier as the kids learn to cope with things a little better. Haley was diagnosed in third grade. That year was a complete nightmare and it still upsets her sometimes. But with the help of her social worker, child psychiatrist, and the IEP... she has come a very long way. We still have our problems but they minimal compared to what they used to be. Believe me, things do get better. (((hugs)))
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Aspie)
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp
Mary my daughter is still very young and has yet to receive a "true" diagnoses yet, so im afraid i dont have much advice for u , except to hang in there and not give up!! now u said he has finally received a diagnoses correct ?? and have therapies started ??
best of luck
amy
Mary,
Everything you are going through is normal.
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Hi Mary,
Please take as much as you need. Because this is what you need now. I promise someday in the future you will find you can give too as a btdt. Understand you are grieving right now. I know my grief period began when ds (7) was dx 18 months ago and I honestly can say I'm only now beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I too just knew something wasn't quite right with ds#1 from as early as age 3, and even brought up Asperger's with EI, a neuropsychologist and a developmental ped. The all poo pooed me too. It took for ds to get into school and watch him fall apart in 1st grade before people listened.
Kudos to you for pushing for your ds and getting the school to finally listen. It is a very steep learning curve but you can do it. We are all here and many have been exactly where you are today. I managed to get ds#2 dx at age 4 only because I had ds#1's history. I am sure ds#2 would have fallen through the cracks otherwise. Many aspies don't get the dx until the middle elementary years so I'm not surprised your ds received his in 3rd grade.
Both my boys have above average IQ scores, (infact ds#2 is in the very superior range) but one is in self contained and the other is in the spec ed preschool. This is to help get the OT, speech and social skills that they both need.
Hang in there,
Dee
yeah, what Paula said!
I have 5 children, the middle one is Dx with autism. When we were in the waiting-to-figure-out-what-he-had-and-what-we-needed-to-do-with-him" stage, I could not come to grips with the word autism. One friend trying to be helpful suggested we contact the local autism society and I went off on her that asperger's and autism were not the same. When we got the autism Dx, Weston was 8. We'd spent 2 years in limbo. He'd had speech therapy and Occupational Therapy, but wasn't getting any accomidations for his classes through his IEP. I had to push hard to get them to recognize his autism and needs in education.
He was totally able to hold things together while he was in early elementary school and the academics were not hard. He's also in the "superior" range for IQ tho he has some very low average scores and some very high scores w/i that range. Most people had no idea that he was autistic, tho the psychologist that came out and did his eval and was on the team that dx'd him, saw it right away. He had all the classic stimming symptoms and his speech was very odd. When the school decided he needed to be in honors/gifted classes for both math and language arts in 5th grade and that meant he had to change classes (and have a teacher who had an archaic notion that all autistic kids were idiots), he started having LOTS of problems. He's in 6th grade this year and we've spent the whole year working on getting the IEP perfected and making sure his placement is right. He's had a really really rough year.
I don't know what the experts say about a 'cure' or 'outgrowing' but I totally agree w/ Paula. There are lots of autistic kids who blend pretty well and have been taught to be polite and do specific things correctly in a social situation, but most autistic and aspergers kids struggle with this. I don't think you can train it all out of them tho because it's part of how they make decisions and figure out their world. My son has gotten more and more behind in some areas, meanwhile his academic abilities have grown and matured rapidly esp in math and history. However, he really is socially and emotionally younger than my 6 yr old. He's immature in most areas but not all. Right now I have doubts that he will be able to manage in the mainstream for all classes next year and don't know that he will be able to live on his own when he's grown. As much as I would love for someone to find a 'cure' for lots of his symptoms, I don't know that I would want them to change him. His autism is part of who he is. He's coping and understanding autism as best he can, sometimes he's even proud of it.
It's taken awhile for me to come to this truce w/ autism. My husband is on a similar path. Coming to terms with what we need to do as parents and figuring out how to parent this child who doesn't follow even loosely the norms of child development is an ongoing process.
Betsy
((((((Mary)))))))
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Hi Mary,
I can totally relate to your situation and feelings.
Welcome Mary.
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