Overwhelmed to inaction
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Overwhelmed to inaction
| Fri, 04-28-2006 - 8:27am |
I need to vent for a bit. Here I sit, still in my pj's, kids fed but not dressed as they run around.
| Fri, 04-28-2006 - 8:27am |
I need to vent for a bit. Here I sit, still in my pj's, kids fed but not dressed as they run around.
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(((((((Pam))))))) What you are feeling is completely normal!!
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((((((((((Pam))))))))))
I am sorry you are going through this. I have felt like that many tmes, and it is very soul destroying.
I hope I am not overstepping my bounds here, but have you considered seeing somebody for yourself? You may need councelling or medication to help you to cope. Sometime being the best Mom you can be means looking after yourself first.
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Pam,
It will get better - you will come to terms - you will learn how to deal - you will because that's what we do!
Pam,
I can really relate to your post. I also have one of each. Tyler NT and Nathan HFA. It was always a struggle to find time for both of them....infact I'm still juggling my time between the two. They both need my attention and my help, but in different ways. They even do their schoolwork differently and learn differently. So I have to be an expert in autism and in NT children as well!!
We also tried the swimming lessons too. Nathan seemed ok at first. But he also didn't like putting his head under the water, and really just preferred doing his own thing. I wasn't thrilled that he wanted no more lessons....but it's what makes him happy. He's not interested in sports, or any type of team activity either. I was recently told by a friend of mine, who is 20 and an aspie...to just give Nathan time and he will develop his interests as he gets older. So, I'm waiting to see what his interests will be.
When Nathan was in kindy, I sat in one day in class....and I also went to the pumpkin patch with his class. His teacher, aide, spec ed teacher....all said how great he was doing. Well, when you actually get to SEE it for your self, it's a huge eye opener. You can't help but compare your child to his peers. It was a sad day for me as well. He had no behaviorial problems, but his quirkiness, spaciness, and his need for help with direction...was enough to see how different he is.
It's really a day to day thing for me. Some days are better than others. But I try real hard not to compare him to other kids his age...even though it's very difficult to do. So feeling overwhelmed and needing time for yourself are common feelings that I have too.
Hugs,
michelle
Pam,
Big Hugs to you. That is not an easy place to be and I agree it is a normal place for you to be sometimes. I know I have been on many occasions.
First, I have to agree with Paula. You have to take care of yourself first. We all try to be supermom and to appreciate our kids for who they are, count our blessings, etc. But we have to admit, our lives are not normal and some days are very very hard. I started finally seeing someone for myself about a year ago and it has been a godsend. Just someone to talk to and get ideas from on a weekly basis has been helpful.
One thing that is common amung us ASD parents is to lose ourselves in our kids and thier diagnosis. Trying to do everything we can, but we lose track of who we are in that process too. Who were we before our children were diagnosed. It is important to keep that part as well. We are wives, mothers, daughters, friends, with interests other than autism though sometimes it doesn't feel like it.
Find a way to do something for you that you enjoy. Perhaps an online class or a class through the community parks and rec program. I love to read so sneaking to the library 1 hour every couple weeks to get myself some good novels is really theraputic for me. I also love to play Bunco one night a month with my friends. Maybe first make a list of things you enjoyed before kids and think about 1 little thing you would like to do for yourself.
I understand the frustrations with the kids too. It can just be completely overwhelming some days and all I want to do is throw in the towel. Those are the days I end up yelling more than I typically would.
When I get so I don't even know where to start with the kids, I sit back again and make lists. What are my biggest concern. Pick 1 thing at a time to do and focus on with the kids. I love St. Francis for this "Do few things but do them well". That is my motto. Is there things that they are doing that aren't helpful or neccessary? Cut them out. Just because all our friends kids are taking swimming and gymnastics doesn't mean our kids have to or that they will even be successful at it.
Swimming is a great thing, but honest, those YMCA type swimming lessons don't always go over well with our type of kiddo's. I have horror stories about swimming lessons that I just can't believe every so often I tried again. I want my kids to be good swimmers but what I found helped was just spending time swimming. Getting them into the water.
As for withdrawing from activities I understand that too. That used to make me absolutely crazy. Sometimes I would have put alot of money into something and they refused to go when they got there. I have learned to ask for trial basis of things whenever possible to see. If not I ask to take a tour or do an orientation to check it out, etc. That has helped alot. I don't sign them up for things that are likely going to be a fiasco too often and most of what I sign them up for is lower cost.
I hope you are feeling better today. We have all been there. Take care of mom because if mom isn't happy, no one is happy.
Renee
(((((Pam)))))) I can relate. I only have one, but I homeschool her as well and then I follow her around at her activities to help her with socialization and prodocal. Talk about overwhelming. I do make sure I have time for friends (I was alone with a friend last night) and reading which I enjoy. DD and I also take walks.
She also has swimming class at the Y and they were very good with her; especially after I explained the situation to them. It took her four classes to get in the water in the beginning. It would take 10 minutes of the swim teacher and lifequard talking her into getting in. And when in she would be alright with some fussing at times. I can only have her do one on one. I tried group swimming; forget it. She has to be held all the time as she is afraid to let go. Hopefully she will relax more and I think she is. Atleast she gets in in the beginning now, gets her face in the water and jumps in the pool and into the arms of the lifequard. It can be done. But before her dx a few years ago, I just couldn't understand why she clung to me and cried when all the other kids were having fun. There is hope!
I see the one on one with me is beneficial to her, but her psychologist told me he was concerned for me that it was too overwhelming. But I find if I had to fight the school district or see other kids pick on her, that would overwhelm me a lot more. So far the kids have been good to her. Some look at her with curiousity, but no one yet has picked on her.
You have a messy eater too? I thought I was the only one. We work on it and work on it, but to no avail. DH is afraid to take her out anywhere.
I know what you mean about setbacks. We get ahead a bit, then go backward. It does get frustrating, but I think they will eventually get it. I don't want to get too caught up in it, but I think reading some books on the subject is helping. I find humor helps as well. I make sure I watch a lot of comedy.
But I know what you mean. I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately myself.
Hang in there. We are here for you.
Debbie
((HUGS))....as many others have stated, we all feel like this some times. I stay at home with my guys....there are days when as soon as my DH gets home from work, I leave - even if it is only for 15 minutes - I walk around the block or drive somewhere - anywhere - just to be alone. My aspie is a non-stop talker.......some days I want to pull out my hair he talks so much. Some days he will follow me from room to room talking.....those are the days I leave.
I agree with the others that it is a good idea to find someone for yourself to talk to. I have been seeing a therapist for over 6 yrs now.....no plans to stop anytime soon.
We tried swim classes for my guy too - not a great idea. We are going to try again with a one-on-one instructor this summer (our local pool will do one-on-one instruction for special needs - just found out they will do this for ice skating as well).
Hang in there.....we're here for you.
((HUGS))
Christie
More ((HUGS)) and ditto on what everybody else said!
We all feel overwhelmed sometimes, I do, and I only have one! But things do get better. Ds is 7 now but years 4 and 5 were tough. Ryan had poor self help skills and I remember thinking he would never dress himself, brush his teeth, use utensils, but he does now. He's a little slower and more deliberate that most kids, but he's getting the job done. He needed more step by step instruction and he gets a better as he gets older. Also, dh and I have gotten better at being patient about teaching him.
The activity stuff used to bother me too. Where I live, it seems all the neighbors have their kids in tons of activities. Swimming is the only on that worked out for us, after soccer, t-ball and karate didn't. That used to get me down, but like someone else said, I think I just need to see what ds is interested in and see where that leads us. Dh and I try and create our own activities like hiking, minature golf, playground time.
Gotta go. Please take care, tommorrow will be better!
Kate
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Dear Pam,
Just late in game to add a quick supportive note,and also to say that after almost 6 years of private swim lessons, my almost 9 year old ds (PDD-NOS) swims like a fish and he refused to put his head under water for the first 3 years of lessons. And last summer, he successfully did five weeks of a regular day camp, which included swim class where he was with 5 other kids, something he could have NEVER done when he was 5 years old. And tomorrow he plays on a Little League team, first time he has made it through games without losing it, also so far this season has accomplished 7 hits to base, 1 run in and was part of a double play. SO, never say never. He still struggles with moments in team sports, but he is definitely learning. We just had to put alot more time and effort into his sports accomplishments than other parents we know, and we wouldn't have even bothered if it wasn't that Malcolm clearly wants to play sports badly.
Depression is a tough thing, and makes our already difficult jobs as special needs parents that much tougher. (((((HUGS))))) and continue to vent as needed. It really does help to unload, I know. I do believe the more you do for yourself, the more the other will be easier to stay focused on, this has definitely been true for me.
yours,
Sara
ilovemalcolm
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