parties:being mom away from home

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
parties:being mom away from home
4
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 10:13pm

As soon as we got to my Bro-in-law's Labor day weekend party, I noticed two things: one, guys playing games a drinking beer; and two, ladies with the kids, drinking leftover juice boxes.
I always wonder why this happens. I always end up getting irritated and find some excuse to leave (only if we are in a non-kid friendly environment -no outlet covers, toys, movies rated lower than XXX or R, dogs that jump on kids --- you know, those places we loved before we had kids :)

I think I am turning into "that wife" that doesn't look like she is having fun at these events. Well, some days I'm not! I want to be the one who the three kids don't run to just once (not all of the time - I am the mom), and the one who can play yard games with a beer without the other moms hinting at neglect, or the one that people don't say things like "Geez, you sure are busy." to.

Unfortunately, I know I am not the only one out there...I tend to be a little over cautious with unfamiliar people and children because I want my PDD-NOSer to be successful, so I might linger a little longer or try to keep in earshot or eyesight. However, I know that other mothers feel like they are more the responsible person when they are at family gatherings, parties or picnics. Sure they can be fun, but I want to let my hair down from time to time - with the kids there...

Anyone out there hear what I'm sayin'?

Thanks ladies,
Rachael

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 11:16am
I hear what your saying but.. I'm a single mother of an aspie in a family that has no other dx'd children. My 2 sils do just what you want to do.They drink, leave the party to go for a walk, take a ride in someone's new car etc.. My brothers sometimes pick up the slack if not they know that another grown up member of their family will watch the kids, feed them etc. Even the kids have learned that if their mom is not available or ignores them, that another adult will take care of them. I have not enjoyed gatherings/ holidays in years. That's not completely true, I love seeing my nieces and nephews. It hurts that my son is not like them and it is the pits that I can't relax and enjoy these times but there is never anyone else that can handle son.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 2:34pm

I am lucky at family gatherings that I have a sister who totally gets ds and loves to whisk him away, no problem. And now that he is older at age 9, he loves to play with his cousins for hours and hours, and even older niece age 17 can totally be in charge of him as well.

Other side of family ie. inlaws, there are NO kids and every one is very old. They adore him and were all teachers when they were younger, but I expect to always need dh or I to be somewhere nearby, plus so far being with this side of family is always exhausting because there is noone to play with and nothing to do. We see them lightly over a few days while also planning lots of swimming, museums, amusement pasrks etc. where older relatives won't go so we all get enough stimulation to be able to sit around with adoring older relatives over quiet meals, etc.

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Sun, 09-03-2006 - 5:29pm

I hear ya! There are few places I can take my kids (or husband) for a regurar party without feeling like something's about to 'blow up'. And sometimes that something is me.

My neighbors have BBQs and parties quite often. Just block get-togethers, but they make me very ucomfortable. Either the kids are extremely unsupervised and it's obvious someone's going to get hurt, someone is way to drunk (IMHO on their way towards with no signs of stopping), or I just can't relax because I just can't relate to the things being talked about or things everyone else is finding 'fun'. I usually end up with the kids as the 'volunteer' mom keeping an eye on them. We went to one BBQ, knowing that lots of kids would be there (my brood didn't even double the number!) and I'd planned ahead and brought lots of cheap party toys (water guns, water ballons, general grab bag stuff). I only brought a little bit thinking "the hostess will realize how many kids she's invited to this 'family affair' and already be set"... I was wrong. There was NOTHING planned or provided for any of the 18 kids under 15yo that showed up! Nothing, except what I brought. DH turned around and ran out to the store and snapped up some more stuff and one of the other dads realized what was happening and chipped in to help out. But the hostess never got a clue.

I can let my kids run loose at the BBQs my mom throws, but that's mostly because I'm always her co-hostess and we try to make sure everyone's needs have at least been considered. If we invite someone with kids we always ask if there's precautions or needs that need to be counted on. Same with disabled guests, older people, etc. We try to make it a party where everyone will feel comfortable. But that's the kicker... it's not our place to decide what will make another person feel comfortable, you have to ASK. I wish more people did.

Okay, I get off my soapbox now.

~SG1_Niner

APOV on Autism

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2004
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 11:53am
I hear ya loud and clear. Both kids ALWAYS come to me for everything regardless of what their dad is doing. The big joke in our family is that if I were a brain surgeon and was operating that the kids would interupt to ask for a drink while their dad sits on the couch. I don't know why they do this as they don't have one of those dads that just sit on the couch and does nothing with regard to parenting. I mean he does almost as much as I do, but the kids always come to me no matter want. It drives me nuts.