Passing on tips I have learned...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Passing on tips I have learned...
15
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 7:21pm

for raising one of "our" kids.


We have a lot of newbies and parents of younger kids here, so I thought it might be a good idea to open this thread as a kind of knowledge pool where the "oldies" can share some of the things they learned with the 'newbies"


So here are some of the things I have learned in my journey. I wish I had known many of them a log time ago, but what the hey! I know them now!


Praise every little thing your child does right.

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com

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Avatar for teri_b
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 9:07pm

What Paula said - plus...



Develop a thick skin early on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2008
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 10:39pm
thankyou for sharing!!!
my biggest issue right now seems to be comparing typical children with my daughter. its so hard not too, but im working on it!!
:)
Amy
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Registered: 11-12-2007
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 11:55pm

Paula,

I am so glad you initiated this thread. It's so wonderful of you, and other sages who are chiming in. I feel so grateful that tears are welling in my eyes. I thank you and others from the bottom of my heart. My DS has been doing really well since the beginning of this year. I don't know what happened to propel him in such a positive direction (from not doing his school work to completing them and also wowing his kindergarten teacher, being much more focused at his speech therapy and OT, to really wanting to do his homework at home), but I am loving it right now. I need to bask in it since he may swing the other way sooner or later...

Thanks,
Innie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 12:10am

Take care of yourself - Seriously. If mama isn't happy, no one is happy. It seems like a joke but way to often we get so caught up in our kids treatment that we neglect ourselves. Add onto that the emotional trauma of becoming a special needs parent and we can get into a very ugly place and it is impossible to provide our kids the help we need to provide them if we are stressed, depressed, etc.

Learn to laugh - Don't forget how to laugh. Life is still worth living and you have to live and laugh beyond autism. Our kids do funny things sometimes. Life is funny sometimes. Laugh.

Love and hug on your kids as much as possible - It is so tempting to constantly worry about what they are not. Take time each day to appreciate them for the person they are. Autism didn't take away part of your child or the whole child. It is part of who they are. It is a struggle and can be ugly sometimes but you have to learn to appreciate their unique gifts and talents.

Ditto everything previously said, lol.

Behavior is communication - For the most part our kids don't act out just to piss us off. They act out because there is some communication glitch in them and they can't appropriately express what it is they need to express. Changing behavior is more detective work on why they are doing what they are doing than anything else.

It's ok to make mistakes - we all do. Don't beat yourself up over it. Just get up and try again tomorrow. tomorrow is another day and we can do better then. We are human, we are mom, we are not gods.

Finally (for now) while I realize the term is usually we are our children's best advocate, teacher, etc. don't forget what we are supposed to be is mom. I find it works best for me if I don't try to take on and change the whole world anymore. Just me and my family. How can I be a good mom today is what I try to have drive me. not being a crusader. Maybe that is for some but my crusade is raising independent, healthy, happy children. The independent part is hard enough (as the other parts) when you through special needs into the mix. it is hard to explain this last part the way I want to but this will work for now.

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APOV on Autism
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Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 1:08am

DO NOT TAKE YOUR KIDS TO VEGAS!

Avatar for betz67
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 8:31am

what everyone else said and...

Crying is good. A good cry releases all those pent up emotions and frustration. It's okay to get help from a professional for yourself as well. Having a therapist to dump on eases the relationship w/ your spouse or those closest to you.

Know your limits and your child's limits. Sometimes doing every therapy available and advised for your child is just too much for your family or for your child. My son is so done w/ people most days after school that extra therapy is wasted (we tried). He needs lots of down time if he's going to hold it together at school.

Having friends w/ children on the spectrum is priceless. Sometimes I just have to pick up the phone and vent w/ someone who really understands.

Pick your battles-- if I only knew this before the Dx we wouldn't have had nearly as many meltdowns and tantrums. Before demanding that Weston do X, Y or Z, I have to think, do I really care about this? am I willing to see it through until the end? Is this what we're going to work on for the next few weeks? Is this a skill he needs to learn right now? I let it slide if the answers aren't all YES!

Know that you child will regress, but a regression either means too much stress or he's getting ready for a major step forward. We always see regression before a huge growth in some area.

Betsy

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Registered: 08-10-2006
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 10:49am

Great thread Paula!

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Christine

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Registered: 11-05-1998
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 12:23pm

What a terrific thread.

Avatar for teri_b
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 1:21pm

2 other things have helped me tremendously -

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 5:03pm

I think I tend to agree with what everyone else has said before me..


Hey Teri I didn't realize one of your kids had a club foot. Josh also has a clubfoot only he has it on just his right foot. And it is

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