phone conversations??? what age???
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| Tue, 06-27-2006 - 11:32am |
My 7-yr-old DS is incapable of having a phone conversation. It's not inattention like you might see with another kid his age. He just isn't capable of a give and take verbal exchange over the phone. In person, it's hard to keep him on topic. Over the phone, it's impossible.
He's visiting his dad for a couple of weeks right now. When I call I try to engage him in some conversation, but he'll just tune me out and say something over and over again like, "I was very good. I was very good. I was very good today."
He has started waiting for people to say 'good-bye' before hanging up. This is a recent development. Prior to that, he'd hang up before you said good-bye or he'd walk away from the phone without saying good-bye.
I was just wondering if people here with older kids might remember when phone conversations started. I know every kid is different. Or, maybe some other person here has similar issues with their child.

My son, Weston, is 9(will be 10 in Aug), Dx w/ autism. He was unable to have a phone conversation until about 6 months ago. He couldn't keep his attention on what he was hearing. He would say hello and then smile and repeat a couple things then say goodbye. He couldn't tell me what grandma or whoever was on the phone had said. he could read a script on the phone but if someone deveated from what was written he couldn't continue. about 6 months ago he made a HUGE jump in understanding other people (not exactly empathy but he could at least understand that other people might have similar feelings as he would in similar situations. He also started making conversation instead of following a "script" of what should be said. Even now his phone conversations are short-- maybe 8-10 speaking turns, two of those taken up with hello and goodbye, but it's progress.
I still write a script for myself every time I have to make a phone call to someone I'm not perfectly comfortable with. I find it hard to talk to someone w/o knowing them and this makes it easier. If your guy is able to read maybe having a phone script would help him with the give and take. If you're able to, you might be sure that you follow the script so he knows what's coming and will be able to formuate his answers before hand, and then he'll have confidence that he's done it before and can do it again if you stick to the script for awhile (can you email him the questions you'll ask before you call so he can read through them and even write out his answers?
All kids, esp kids on the autism spectrum develop these skills at different times. Some might not develop these skills until much later, some fairly early on. Each is on his own development time table.
Betsy
If you have broadband, you may want to consider a couple of webcams and a video hook-up using Skype or Yahoo Instant Messenger.
My DS was USELESS on the phone. Refused to use it, or wouldn't use reciprocal conversation.
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Betsy,
That's a wonderful idea!! I never thought of a script. He can't read very well yet, but I can reherse a phone call scenario with him. That way we can exchange the dialog of the script in future calls.
Thanks for the great idea.
I might be able to try that between my house and my parent's house....even though we live down the street. My exh would not do videoconferencing, even if it was him calling my house to talk to DS. He is uncooperative to an extreme....i suspect exh has ASD in hindsight.
That's an interesting idea. I figured my son just couldn't relate faceless voice over the phone. Videoconferencing might help him figure out the concept.
Well, this year when Kyle's grandma called for his 11th birthday she said it was the first real phone conversation they ever had.
Samantha
My guy is 8 and still has trouble with phone conversations......he never calls anyone (or asks if he can)......he will talk to grandma or uncle but for a very short period of time and it is done with alot of prompting on my end....also it is mainly him talking....doesn't really listen on the phone.
The videoconferencing is an interesting idea.....we might try that.
Christie
I just had to chime in on this one! My ds Noah is 9 (AS) and is just now beginning to get the concept of having a conversation on the phone. For awhile I've had him answer the phone for practice but usually this is what I would hear **RING RING** (Noah answers) "Hello" (a few seconds of silence) "What?"... "Huh?" (more silence)"I don't get it" and he will walke away or stand there completly confused ..this is when I grab the phone and apologize profusely to the person on the other end. He can and really loves to answer the phone but if it is someone he doesn't know it can be pretty comical - esp. when it is telemarketers (I sometimes just let him talk to them for awhile :) - apologies to any telemarketers on the board !) He told one "you're not making any sense!"
It's sort of the same thing as with a face to face conversation - we've always had to teach him how to have a conversation (on the phone or otherwise) In the last few weeks he has improved 100%. I let him answer the phone all the time and then tell him afterwards how he did - he doesn't always get it right but he'll get it eventually.
I recently listened to a conversation he had with his grandpa and it almost brought tears to my eyes -it was the most amazing, back and forth, long conversation I've ever heard him have with anyone besides his mom and dad.
Good Luck!
Jane
If Malcolm's not in the mood or doesn't really have any interest in talking to a particular person, no way can I make him -- or if I tell him he has to say "Hi" to his Nana, he gets on the phone and says "Hi!!" and hands it back to me laughing, the scamp...
People he WANTS to talk with, like a few of his buddies or his GIRLFRIEND, or his grandmas or cousins when he's in the mood -- he can talk a long time with, very reciprocal and maybe some of his most amazing, fluid, gorgeous conversations. I think for him the fact that he is ONLY concentrating on hearing and responding somehow makes phone conversations easier. Also we have had him practising talking on phones since he was very little, like since 4 years old.
And this coming Sunday, he will be 9 years old!!
Sara
ilovemalcolm
Cait and Mike still don't prefer phone calls and I don't think they ever will, but they are doing better and can do it. Not so much conversationally but functionally. Cait is just getting better this year (12) after she discovered the computer and conversing with people that way, and she made friends at school with another AS kid so there was motivation. Neither will answer the phone if I am home nor even have any interest in it. Cait will answer if I am not here for a few select people. She knows how to read caller ID, lol. Both rarely ask to make calls. Cait has a "boyfriend" and she never even bothered to get his phone number. The last time Mike asked to call someone was probably 6 months ago. Typically when he is forced to take a call he will ask the caller "are you done yet?" so he can get off. He even did that to me last fall. I went away for the weekend (only time ever) and he had no interest in talking to me on the phone. His dad had to convince him.
We have done alot of things in the past to teach them so that they can use it functionally. I would call them from my cell phone to the home phone and vice versa. We did this to teach them how to make calls too. Mostly for safety. I needed them to be able to call me if they needed me. We also had them practice calling thier grandparents and thier grandparents calling here.
It is important to have phone skills for safety. However, I don't see it becoming a preferred activity for either of them. I don't see them as the teen wanting thier own phone or me kicking off mine. ON the other hand, Emily already has to be kicked off the phone, lol.
Renee