Playdate with a child w/ Asperger's
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| Thu, 02-21-2008 - 7:19am |
Hey everyone! I should have posted earlier, but I kept forgetting and getting busy!
Anyways, neither of my children have Asperger's, but I recently made a new friend who's 3 year old son does. She and I really hit it off, her son used to go to my daughter's preschool. They recently got accepted to a school that will better fit his needs. He is an absolute doll, and I really want our families to become great friends!
I have a 4 year old daughter, and today we set up their first playdate at Chick-Fil-A for lunch. My friend expressed concern that sometimes other kids look at him like he has 3 heads and refuse to play with him, or make fun of him. That totally breaks my heart, and I really really hope that my 4 year old wouldn't be like this. She has seen him at school before and didn't bat an eye. His 'tick' (I'm not sure what they are called, so forgive me if I say anything offensive) is rocking back and forth violently and slapping his hands together.
What would you guys suggest I say to my daughter to prep her? I already started to tell her last night that *Michael* is a little different, but sometimes she's different too, and you guys can still play and have fun!
I know that my friend has felt very alienated here, they moved to our town about a year ago

Hi and welcome to the board. I think you are doing a really lovely thing, speaking as a mum of a child with Asperger's who has recently moved to a new area, I know your friend will really appreciate it!
All kids are different, and all kids with Asperger's are different, so without knowing your friend's kid personally I can't give you much concrete advice, except the following, based on how I experienced playdates with DS when he was 3/4 (and at the time we didn't have a diagnosis, but I knew he was 'different' and needed handling in a special way, and some of this advice is based on hindsight!!)
Unlike NT kids at this age, AS kids find it really hard to engage in unstructured, unsupervised play. They are much better off doing structured supervised activities (eg craft activities, trips to zoo/playground) than simply being left to play, because it is highly likely that any new, unstructured activity will stress them out, they won't know the rules, they'll act wierd out of stress (handflapping, rocking, etc) and then other kids will find them wierd and not want to play with them (as your friend is experiencing!!) However, a structured activity with clear rules and expectations (eg, if at your house, for this age I'd suggest getting some cardboard boxes and crayons out and making a space ship or train to do role play in) will be fun for both the AS and NT (this means neuro-typical - ie, YOUR kid :-).
Even if the date doesn't appear to go well, schedule another one. It can take a fair few attempts for Asperger's kids to come out of their shell and get to know new people, so don't assume if it looks like he isn't engaging with your daughter that he isn't having fun or they won't get on. Playdates with AS kids do take a bit of work on the adults part because you have to help structure the play, suggest activities, intervene to prevent upsets due to misunderstandings and confusion etc, whereas (I find at least) playdates with NT kids these age you can let the kids play themselves with only minimal intervention to prevent fights.
It's highly likely he has a particular interest - at this age I'd hazard a guess at Thomas the Tank Engine/trains - and I know this probably isn't your daughter's thing at all but some kind of Thomas-themed activity or game would really draw him out.
I hope it goes well. My DS at that age made a couple of really close friends with NT girls and he was still best friends with them when we moved away 5 years later, and I know the girls got a lot out of being his friend (he's really funny, and clever, and loyal as a friend).
Good luck and keep us posted!
Kirsty, mum to Euan (9, Asperger's), Rohan (5, NT) and Maeve (2, NT)
"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"
Follow my blog on http://mumsnet.com/blogs/kirsteinr/
Thanks so much! I think I'm going to change where we go. See, my friend wanted to go to Burger King because *Michael* loves the play area there. I totally wasn't thinking and suggested Chick-Fil-A because, IMO, it's healthier and while I'm certainly not a health-nut, I just like giving the kids options like the fruit cup, and chicken noodle soup over chicken fries and french fries!
Now I realize that BK is probably the best for her son, and she probably didn't want to push it! I'll let her know when she comes over that DD decided BK would be more fun!!
Thank you SO much, I definitely won't let whatever happens today keep me from scheduling another playdate! I'll let you guys know how it goes! :)
I'm a vaccinating,
Gotta run but got lots of input.
As for BK, plan a time when it is pretty empty (10am was always good). You can always give your dd a good breakfast then just a milk or something healthier for a snack there.
What you told your dd is perfect. Explain as she asks questions. Always in a way that Michael is a just another boy first who's brain works differently so he may need some extra understanding and help.
BTW, my ASD son is Michael so I am partial to that name. Gotta run but I will try to post more later.
Renee
i feel the same way , alienated!!! wish it were easier to make friends!
my best advice is to just tell your daughter everyone is different and if this little boy seems different to her its ok. just have fun :)
best of luck!!!
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Thanks guys! The playdate went really well! He actually went all the way up in the play gym and came down the tube-slide...something my friend said he'd never done before!!
The only mention my daughter made of his movements was when I asked her where he was (our view was blocked), she said, "Oh, he's over there dancing!" My friend thought that was cute :)
Anyways, thanks again, I may have to give her this board's address, I just would hate for her to feel bad if she saw my posts...have I said anything that you guys think would make her feel uncomfortable?
I'm a vaccinating,
Go ahead and give her the board address.
I'm a vaccinating,