I am running screaming from this one, sorry. I hope you get some good responses but I still have post traumatic stress from potty training, lol. I am sure the gals here have lots better advice than i can provide but if they fail to respond, I will try to help from what I learned from my many many mistakes,
hi... not sure if this will be any help to you...but here goes...
don't force it,just make going to the bathroom part of your routine, get up, go pee, get dressed, have breakfast...ect..take him offen, every 1/2hour or so, to start and then go every hour. I also used quilted underware/w rubber pants when at home, when we went out, he had "bye'bye underware"(pull-ups) and at night "nightime underware" for what ever reason, he felt that it was ok to mess in a diaper, but NOT in a pull-up
when I was potty training ds... he hated the "little potty", he kept saying that his " bum was to big.. potty to little" so I started just putting him on the toilet first thing every morning, I didn't ask him, I just put him... told him he didn't have to pee... just sit, while I got him dressed,most times he would pee:)(yaaa!!!) I would do this again at bath time... strip him down and make him "sit" while I ran the water... and he would pee again(most times)... we had HUGE excitement.. would phone gramdma,and daddy(at work).
ds was 2, when dd was born, and he went backwards(had the peeing down pat) his way of getting extra attention,(new baby thing)... wasn't complete potty train until about 3-1/2 yrs.
the other thing you need is patience.... and lots of it
good luck... oh the other thing ds will not stand to pee... doesn't like looking into the toilet bowl...fine with me... lots of time to learn to stand... a whole life time..lol...lol (and less mess to clean up!!!) lol..
Going through this with my 3yr 5mos son but believe he is NT. Have been pulling my hair out as well but he is finally going #1 on potty without being prompted. I used the same technique with him as my AS son.
The experts say don't push them, but I think once they pass 3 years old there are things you can do to push the issue. First, take off their diaper/pull-up and maybe just leave them in a long shirt. Then put in a movie they really like and set the potty in the room with them and tell them 'you don't have a pull-up on so if you need to go potty here it is.' If they pee on the floor, don't get upset. Just tell him, "oh, that's too bad, next time you'll make it on the potty and not get all messy."
Insist that he help you clean up any messes he makes. I invested in one of those hand held shampoo machines to help make carpet accidents easier to clean but usually kept him in the kitchen(used a gate) to keep messes more manageable.
Now, as far as #2 goes it is more tricky because if they start to withhold you run into serious problems and it dev. into a distended rectum. My AS son had a terrible time with this because he was so afraid to go #2 on the potty. Until your son is comfortable going #2 on potty, offer him a pull-up to go in but then dump it in the potty so he knows where it is supposed to go. I know this was long but I hope it helps. Good Luck!! Vicky
Are you sure he is ready for this? Many of 'our' kids train relatively late. My son was almost 4.5 when he trained, but it took no time at all in the end, because physically, his body was ready, but the rest of him took some time to catch up!
Trying to train a child who may not be ready from an emotional, developmental or motor skills (motor planning) perspective may end in frutation and tears (for both of you).
ok, this is one area that I have all kinds of experience, from good to VERY VERY bad. LOL! at this point I think my 5 children are all potty trained w/o any lasting psychological damage, however Owen (3yr 9 mon) has been back-sliding lately-- UGH! I have learned a whole lot over the last 13 yrs about potty training and one of the most significant things is that "you can't force a child to be potty trained, you are only an accessory to the whole learning process!"
Weston (HFA) took the longest to potty train, but older brother Warren (ADD) was close behind.
First order of business is to get him comfortable using or sitting on the potty. 2 of my boys and one dd did not use the little potty. They were only comfortable on the big toilet, we used an insert in the seat to make it less scary. Those 2 boys learned to pee standing up on a brick to reach w/o making a mess. You'll have to find some kind of reward or incentive to sitting on the potty, or at least trying to pee. Targets in the toilet (cheerios), an M&M for sitting on the toilet fully clothed (then move on to w/ pants down when he's comfy, and finally to getting one for peeing). Work on one thing at a time-- only peeing or only pooping-- it may take a LONG time to get one thing down. With Weston we put Blues Clues on every morning and sat him on the little potty in the family room, he always had success first thing in the morning-- so things started out great no matter how the rest of the day went. Use lots and lots of praise! If he needs it have a picture of somekind of praise/happy face that shows him how happy you are to use in combo w/ verbal praise and his treat!
Once he's starting to pee in the potty successfully, move him into training underwear and rubber pants (they really do feel wet in these and this is a huge jumpstart for some kids). I even used the rubber pants when we went places (my kids loved strange bathrooms???) and a pullup at night. Pullups didn't let my kids feel wet enough. For Weston, we actually moved him into cloth diapers for the 3-4 months it took for him to start being successful in going on the potty part of the time. He just wasn't aware enough of when he needed to go that this was what we had to do. He also didn't mind wet disposeable diapers and would tantrum every time I had to change him (he could stay in the same one all day long if I'd let him), so I had to do something so he'd want the diaper changed in the first place.
Staying calm and firm will keep the potty learning from being a power struggle. Use short sentences, be matter of fact and firm, but not angry or frustrated. Ask him to go on the potty, help him go to the toilet but don't push it to a tantrum. Remind him that there is a treat if he does X Y or Z, when he does what's ask of him, give him the treat but more importantly praise him LOTS! Have a big smile for him (use the picture cue, go overboard w/ hugs and smiles and "you're such a big boy, I'm so proud of you!"
For some children it takes a LONG time, but getting angry just doesn't accomplish anything. Pray for more patience or what ever you have to do but stay calm and firm. It will happen!
We had no end of trouble with Cassian, regarding the toileting issue. He eventually potty trained by age 5 yrs 2 mos, just last year. Here are a few things I tried that seemed to get the learning process moving, but it took a very long time.
1) Written or picture protocol of what to do in the bathroom (Cassian is hyperlexic, so we used written with him). 2) Play with doll that wets diaper or pees in potty. I found an anatomically correct boy doll that pees on a little potty. 3) I made a "snake" out of piece of tubing and put playdough in it - - then pretended the snake had to poop the playdough out. We made a little playdough potty for the snake to go in. 4) Songs - I made up several songs that got Cassian interested in using the potty. 5) Books - we read potty books together. Cassian especially liked Everyone Poops. 6) Rewards for poop and pee in the potty - - Cassian got a teddy graham for pee in the potty and a Hershey's kiss for poop in the potty; we also cheered everytime he did anything in the potty. 7) Camping potty - - we had to buy one of these because he got to big for the little training potties, and we needed something portable; the camping potty could also be put in the family room in front of the TV; the cost was about $20 8) We used a lot of Resolve and Oxy Clean carpet cleaner for those yucky accidents. 9) Pull ups were a staple for us for years - - they were harder to remove for Cassian than diapers. Underwear did nothing to motivate him. 10) Potty videos - - I think we have 3 (Potty Time with Bear is very good, and we also liked Potty Time for Boys). Anything with music that told the steps of toileting seemed to be helpful at this age.
Hopefully this helps a little. Just know that there are a lot of kids with ASD's who don't use the potty proficiently until later. It doesn't mean they aren't smart. They may, however, lack motivation, have motor planning and sequencing difficulties, have problems sensing their bodies signals, etc. Don't let those NT child standards make you feel bad. There are a lot of late toileters on this board.
Jack just trained this summer, when he turned 4. When he was Bobby's age I was SURE he was gonna' be 12, I promise you.
What worked for us was "trip training" him. We (or school) put him on every 30 minutes, til he figured out what he was supposed to do. Loose clothing is key.
Also keep track (like you need a new task, right?) his schedule. I am told that boys are very predictable on when they go.
I am right there with you, Trina. MY DD is 2 1/2 and was potty trained for three days- completely dry even for naps. She's not interested anymore. Rewards, punishments, training pants, pretty panties, nothing works. Right now she refuses to use the little potty, but when she's in the bathroom she and her sister flush things down the potty while I'm tending to the baby! She will only use the potty when it's her idea, and it's not unusual for her to sit there until she's ready, and then get up and pee/poop in the floor! She also will take her diaper/pullup off just prior to pottying all over the floor. So, she does know when she needs to go, she just isn't doing it in the potty except on rare occasions when she feels like it. When you walk in the house there is a very strong odor of her 'accidents' that aren't really accidents. I can't always catch it when it hapens, so it gets soaked into the carpet. I can't wait to pull it all up and replace it with lenoleum or something.
BTW, I was also a PT horror. My mom spanked me every time I peed in my panties, so I took them off and peed in my bed or behind a door or couch or in a plant. Then I put them back on, so I didn't get spanked. I guess that's ODD? LOL
Just wanted to say you are not alone. We are using the method Betsy described. Our son is 3.5 and is very reliable for urine now, but for no.2 we are still in the "reward" (or bribe!) stage for sitting on the toilet clothed.
For Eric, he just could not "feel it" until we went to underpants. It is messy. For a couple of weeks he did pee all over the place. Once we added the reward component and taking him on schedule he "got it" but it took awhile, like, months! But now he pees just great.
So we are working on the poop phase. I am not worrying about nights at all. He wakes up sometimes dry and I figure that will come with physical maturity.
BTW, as others have noted, our doctor told us that many ASD kids are not potty trained until they are the "developmental" age of 3, which for some of our kids is not until they are 4 or 5. I think we just have to all get tough and not compare to other kids and turn a deaf ear to well-meaning relative's comments. Also it their learning styles are just different than other kids too, so it may take longer for them to learn and more effort.
I found posting the picture schedule in each bathroom helped too.
I am running screaming from this one, sorry. I hope you get some good responses but I still have post traumatic stress from potty training, lol. I am sure the gals here have lots better advice than i can provide but if they fail to respond, I will try to help from what I learned from my many many mistakes,
Renee
hi... not sure if this will be any help to you...but here goes...
don't force it,just make going to the bathroom part of your routine, get up, go pee, get dressed, have breakfast...ect..take him offen, every 1/2hour or so, to start and then go every hour. I also used quilted underware/w rubber pants when at home, when we went out, he had "bye'bye underware"(pull-ups) and at night "nightime underware" for what ever reason, he felt that it was ok to mess in a diaper, but NOT in a pull-up
when I was potty training ds... he hated the "little potty", he kept saying that his "
bum was to big.. potty to little" so I started just putting him on the toilet first thing every morning, I didn't ask him, I just put him... told him he didn't have to pee... just sit, while I got him dressed,most times he would pee:)(yaaa!!!)
I would do this again at bath time... strip him down and make him "sit" while I ran the water... and he would pee again(most times)... we had HUGE excitement.. would phone gramdma,and daddy(at work).
ds was 2, when dd was born, and he went backwards(had the peeing down pat) his way of getting extra attention,(new baby thing)... wasn't complete potty train until about 3-1/2 yrs.
the other thing you need is patience.... and lots of it
good luck... oh the other thing ds will not stand to pee... doesn't like looking into the toilet bowl...fine with me... lots of time to learn to stand... a whole life time..lol...lol
(and less mess to clean up!!!) lol..
good luck again
Going through this with my 3yr 5mos son but believe he is NT. Have been pulling my hair out as well but he is finally going #1 on potty without being prompted. I used the same technique with him as my AS son.
The experts say don't push them, but I think once they pass 3 years old there are things you can do to push the issue. First, take off their diaper/pull-up and maybe just leave them in a long shirt. Then put in a movie they really like and set the potty in the room with them and tell them 'you don't have a pull-up on so if you need to go potty here it is.' If they pee on the floor, don't get upset. Just tell him, "oh, that's too bad, next time you'll make it on the potty and not get all messy."
Insist that he help you clean up any messes he makes. I invested in one of those hand held shampoo machines to help make carpet accidents easier to clean but usually kept him in the kitchen(used a gate) to keep messes more manageable.
Now, as far as #2 goes it is more tricky because if they start to withhold you run into serious problems and it dev. into a distended rectum. My AS son had a terrible time with this because he was so afraid to go #2 on the potty. Until your son is comfortable going #2 on potty, offer him a pull-up to go in but then dump it in the potty so he knows where it is supposed to go. I know this was long but I hope it helps. Good Luck!! Vicky
Tina,
Are you sure he is ready for this? Many of 'our' kids train relatively late. My son was almost 4.5 when he trained, but it took no time at all in the end, because physically, his body was ready, but the rest of him took some time to catch up!
Trying to train a child who may not be ready from an emotional, developmental or motor skills (motor planning) perspective may end in frutation and tears (for both of you).
That's just my 2 cents worth...
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
ok, this is one area that I have all kinds of experience, from good to VERY VERY bad. LOL! at this point I think my 5 children are all potty trained w/o any lasting psychological damage, however Owen (3yr 9 mon) has been back-sliding lately-- UGH! I have learned a whole lot over the last 13 yrs about potty training and one of the most significant things is that "you can't force a child to be potty trained, you are only an accessory to the whole learning process!"
Weston (HFA) took the longest to potty train, but older brother Warren (ADD) was close behind.
First order of business is to get him comfortable using or sitting on the potty. 2 of my boys and one dd did not use the little potty. They were only comfortable on the big toilet, we used an insert in the seat to make it less scary. Those 2 boys learned to pee standing up on a brick to reach w/o making a mess. You'll have to find some kind of reward or incentive to sitting on the potty, or at least trying to pee. Targets in the toilet (cheerios), an M&M for sitting on the toilet fully clothed (then move on to w/ pants down when he's comfy, and finally to getting one for peeing). Work on one thing at a time-- only peeing or only pooping-- it may take a LONG time to get one thing down. With Weston we put Blues Clues on every morning and sat him on the little potty in the family room, he always had success first thing in the morning-- so things started out great no matter how the rest of the day went. Use lots and lots of praise! If he needs it have a picture of somekind of praise/happy face that shows him how happy you are to use in combo w/ verbal praise and his treat!
Once he's starting to pee in the potty successfully, move him into training underwear and rubber pants (they really do feel wet in these and this is a huge jumpstart for some kids). I even used the rubber pants when we went places (my kids loved strange bathrooms???) and a pullup at night. Pullups didn't let my kids feel wet enough. For Weston, we actually moved him into cloth diapers for the 3-4 months it took for him to start being successful in going on the potty part of the time. He just wasn't aware enough of when he needed to go that this was what we had to do. He also didn't mind wet disposeable diapers and would tantrum every time I had to change him (he could stay in the same one all day long if I'd let him), so I had to do something so he'd want the diaper changed in the first place.
Staying calm and firm will keep the potty learning from being a power struggle. Use short sentences, be matter of fact and firm, but not angry or frustrated. Ask him to go on the potty, help him go to the toilet but don't push it to a tantrum. Remind him that there is a treat if he does X Y or Z, when he does what's ask of him, give him the treat but more importantly praise him LOTS! Have a big smile for him (use the picture cue, go overboard w/ hugs and smiles and "you're such a big boy, I'm so proud of you!"
For some children it takes a LONG time, but getting angry just doesn't accomplish anything. Pray for more patience or what ever you have to do but stay calm and firm. It will happen!
HTH! I probably left something out.
Betsy
Tina,
We had no end of trouble with Cassian, regarding the toileting issue. He eventually potty trained by age 5 yrs 2 mos, just last year. Here are a few things I tried that seemed to get the learning process moving, but it took a very long time.
1) Written or picture protocol of what to do in the bathroom (Cassian is hyperlexic, so we used written with him).
2) Play with doll that wets diaper or pees in potty. I found an anatomically correct boy doll that pees on a little potty.
3) I made a "snake" out of piece of tubing and put playdough in it - - then pretended the snake had to poop the playdough out. We made a little playdough potty for the snake to go in.
4) Songs - I made up several songs that got Cassian interested in using the potty.
5) Books - we read potty books together. Cassian especially liked Everyone Poops.
6) Rewards for poop and pee in the potty - - Cassian got a teddy graham for pee in the potty and a Hershey's kiss for poop in the potty; we also cheered everytime he did anything in the potty.
7) Camping potty - - we had to buy one of these because he got to big for the little training potties, and we needed something portable; the camping potty could also be put in the family room in front of the TV; the cost was about $20
8) We used a lot of Resolve and Oxy Clean carpet cleaner for those yucky accidents.
9) Pull ups were a staple for us for years - - they were harder to remove for Cassian than diapers. Underwear did nothing to motivate him.
10) Potty videos - - I think we have 3 (Potty Time with Bear is very good, and we also liked Potty Time for Boys). Anything with music that told the steps of toileting seemed to be helpful at this age.
Hopefully this helps a little. Just know that there are a lot of kids with ASD's who don't use the potty proficiently until later. It doesn't mean they aren't smart. They may, however, lack motivation, have motor planning and sequencing difficulties, have problems sensing their bodies signals, etc. Don't let those NT child standards make you feel bad. There are a lot of late toileters on this board.
Suzi
Hi Tina,
You've gotten LOTS of great advice.
Jack just trained this summer, when he turned 4. When he was Bobby's age I was SURE he was gonna' be 12, I promise you.
What worked for us was "trip training" him. We (or school) put him on every 30 minutes, til he figured out what he was supposed to do. Loose clothing is key.
Also keep track (like you need a new task, right?) his schedule. I am told that boys are very predictable on when they go.
HTH,
Cathy
I am right there with you, Trina. MY DD is 2 1/2 and was potty trained for three days- completely dry even for naps. She's not interested anymore. Rewards, punishments, training pants, pretty panties, nothing works. Right now she refuses to use the little potty, but when she's in the bathroom she and her sister flush things down the potty while I'm tending to the baby! She will only use the potty when it's her idea, and it's not unusual for her to sit there until she's ready, and then get up and pee/poop in the floor! She also will take her diaper/pullup off just prior to pottying all over the floor. So, she does know when she needs to go, she just isn't doing it in the potty except on rare occasions when she feels like it. When you walk in the house there is a very strong odor of her 'accidents' that aren't really accidents. I can't always catch it when it hapens, so it gets soaked into the carpet. I can't wait to pull it all up and replace it with lenoleum or something.
BTW, I was also a PT horror. My mom spanked me every time I peed in my panties, so I took them off and peed in my bed or behind a door or couch or in a plant. Then I put them back on, so I didn't get spanked. I guess that's ODD? LOL
Sarah
Anyway, good luck. Be patient.
Sarah
Hi Tina,
Just wanted to say you are not alone. We are using the method Betsy described. Our son is 3.5 and is very reliable for urine now, but for no.2 we are still in the "reward" (or bribe!) stage for sitting on the toilet clothed.
For Eric, he just could not "feel it" until we went to underpants. It is messy. For a couple of weeks he did pee all over the place. Once we added the reward component and taking him on schedule he "got it" but it took awhile, like, months! But now he pees just great.
So we are working on the poop phase. I am not worrying about nights at all. He wakes up sometimes dry and I figure that will come with physical maturity.
BTW, as others have noted, our doctor told us that many ASD kids are not potty trained until they are the "developmental" age of 3, which for some of our kids is not until they are 4 or 5. I think we just have to all get tough and not compare to other kids and turn a deaf ear to well-meaning relative's comments. Also it their learning styles are just different than other kids too, so it may take longer for them to learn and more effort.
I found posting the picture schedule in each bathroom helped too.
Hang in there!
Katherine
Powered by CGISpy.com