Potty Training Regression

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Potty Training Regression
8
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 11:06am

My son, about to turn four has been semi potty trained since June (urine only). At first, he didn't initiate, just went "on request". Then, gradually, over a period of months, he began to initiate most all of the time, and recently began trying to go by himself, telling me to "stay in the hall". We were even beginning to have some successes with bm's.

Now all of a sudden, he is having lots of accidents. This morning I sat him on the potty and he said "I can't" and five minutes later had an accident. I just don't get it. I can't figure it out and don't know what to do. We have kept the whole experience very positive so far. I am trying to be patient but I am feeling fed up today.

If he was doing it before, obviously he recognizes the urge/need to go. Why would he just start going in his pants? What should I do? He is even dry all night. Please help me. I think I am entering one of those parenting slumps - feeling discouraged and worried. My son, doesn't have a formal dx, other than apraxia, but I have suspicions.
Chrissy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 11:37am

Dear Chrissy,

The obvious question here is, what is happening in his life starting at time he began to regress that is causing him anxiety? Big change is the likely cause, nothing necessarily to do with pottying, but something that is causing anxiety to the point where he might not be feeling and therefore recognizing those urges. Change in school, schedule, new house, new sibling, divorce, new teacher, etc.? Does anything occur to you?

Another idea is whether or not there HAs been anything traumatic around pottying, in my son's case it was a big enormous black cockroach that walked down the bathroom wall right by him while he was pottying!!! Took us quite a few months to get him back on big potty, we temporarily solved it by letting him use baby potty in another room --- which he was comically too big for, but at least we were able to keep working on the pottying, otherwise could have been a LONG break.

Anyways, chin up! This could be very temporary, just keep encouraging and praising him for success and keep everything light and positive, accidents just no big deal, part of learning. He will so get it all when he is ready, his past success is great indicator that it will be soon and this WILL happen.

yours,

Sara
ilovemalcolm

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 11:52am

Sara,
Thanks for the encouragement. The regression has been going on for a few weeks now with absolutely no change or trauma that I can think of. In fact, our family has been in a great phase......feeling like we were more at peace with things, and everything (like ds's programming)was very stable. I have also been encouraged by all the progress he has made in the last year - huge language and social gains.

I am not getting enough sleep lately and that always makes me tend to feel more overwhelmed. Sometimes parenting a SN child is so difficult and I don't feel I am up for the task or doing a good enough job. Your posts always seem so positive. So you ever feel overwhelmed?

One more question....at my son's SN school, they take all the kids to the potty on a schedule. He goes to school four days a week, five hours a day. I wonder if the situation at school (someone else cueing him it is potty time) has caused him to become dependent on that. He has fone from initiating 85% of the time at home, to about 10%. Even if I try to cue him, he is mildly resistant or just doesn't go. Should I ask his teacher to handle things differently at school?

Chrissy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 12:23pm

Dear Chrissy,

you must be AT your computer. One more thought, is he right now making those leaps developmentally? Have you very recently, last month or so, noticed big increases in language, attentiveness, etc. along with pottying accidents? When our kids make leaps, they often get overwhelmed from influx of new information as synapsis connect more, etc., my Reader's Digest, non-professional way of describing something I have seen often in my kid and others... Again, if this is the case, potty regression will be temporary. Might have other problems you might notice, too, touchier emotionally, clingier, etc.

I don't think I would have teacher do differently for my kid than others, home way and school way of pottying don't usually interefere with each other. Is he having accidents at school, too, or just at home? Did this pottying method at school begin at similar time as home regression? Otherwise, I would not think it is related. Might you set up similar system at home if it is working for him at school?

I do sometimes feel overwhelmed. I've been at this special needs parenting now for over 5 years now, and much of it I am very, very used to, seems almost normal most of the time. Regressions are so hard, and I did deal with a tough regression at end of this summer, very intense, BUT I totally knew what was causing it. Hardest 6 - 8 weeks I have been through in a few years. He has pulled out of it, still a few left over problems but we are addressing them. Nothing helps overwhelm better than taking more action.

We have so much help in terms of therapists, school, supportive family and friends. Malcolm has many friends who are like him and their parents are all great resources. It really helps to belong to a big club of parents where our lives are all the same, very supportive (like this website) and keeps me from feeling like my life and child are all that weird or different than others. I feel like I am usually too busy to even think about it all much, working and teaching, planning, taking Malcolm to therapies, etc. etc. Right now he is in our living room with a playmate, later we will go to Children's Museum and then swimming, my days are jam packed.

And, yes, taking care of yourself first and foremost is KEY. Being low on sleep will really mess me up, I seldom go out at night or stay up late. I need me at my best as much as possible.

Anyways, good luck. My experience is there is always a reason for regressions, but sometimes ferreting them out seems impossible. Maybe he has decided he wants to not get bigger and stay more a baby for some reason he can't yet communicate. I still remember Malcolm telling me pottys were stupid and diapers were a much better deal!!!

Sara
ilovemalcolm

Avatar for kingalex
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 6:11pm

I have just one thing to add - isn't it just like our kids to do something when we least expect it, or when there is absolutely nothing concrete to explain it??! Alex's behavior at school seems to be like that. He does wonderfully, and just when you think everything in his life is going smoothly (and to routine), he acts out.

Actually, I'm jealous. Alex was 7 before he went to the bathroom on his own. And he still doesn't usually stay dry at night! Yikes!

Laurie
Laurie

Laurie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2001
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 9:54pm

 


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Avatar for springolife
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 3:47pm

Chrissy,
your statement about school and potty cues reminds me of something. When I was in school I had the hardest time peeing when they had regular potty breaks. It just wouldn't come out. Then in class when I'd ask to go they told me no, and once I peed in the chair. I wonder if this has ever hapened to him in class? It was pretty horifying. I guess you'd know if it did hapen.

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 3:51pm

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. No, ds hasn't had any traumatic potty incidents at school. They take him at scheduled times, but he is allowed to go anytime. He never has accidents there. I think this is just one of those discouraging phases and I need to do the p's with ds.....patience, persistence and praise. I also need to take care of myself, vent when needed and get more rest. This too shall pass.

Chrissy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 4:39pm

Hi Chrissy,


I'm kind of going through the same thing.