Ques about newborns with older Aspies

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Ques about newborns with older Aspies
3
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 3:18pm
I know i have asked you guys in the past, when i was in the midst of a huge panic attack that lasted several weeks, about having another baby with a child with PDDNOS/Asperger's.

My questions to you guys are:

*Did you guys take advantage of the sibling classes the hospital provides?

I am afraid Catie will be too distracted to learn anything, and i wonder that even though she is 3 1/2, since her maturity level is a little behind, if she will really retain the information and understand. Since she has problems with time, and anything that isn't 5 minutes with in her realm, that she won't really get it. But i would like for her to go to the hospital, see where the babies are, and understand why someone else will be in our house helping to take care of her during this time. It is alot for any child to take in, but especially for children like ours.



*What happened when you started pulling out all the baby furniture and clothes?

Catie is having trouble understanding that she is NOT a baby anymore, and even though the swing was hers, it is no longer for her use. I have tried putting a baby in the swing and letting her use her dolls in the swing, but i finally had to put it back up after i found her crawling into it for the 3rd time. i was afraid she would break it and swings just aren't exactly cheap. The crib has been put up since we moved to Utah the month she turned 2. That was 18 months ago. I am nervous about bring that out and the changing table. I don't really worry so much about the clothes, but Catie is obsessed with socks. All of our baby stuff as been up and out of her reach for a long time. But she still goes into our closets and pulls out strollers, the walker and the ultrasaucer, trying to crawl into them and play in them.

*Did you guys ever worry about the safety of your newborn around her older siblings?

Even though some worry and caution is always normal and smart, did you guys ever worry about taking showers and stuff like that. I was a bit more paranoid than normally with Catie anyways. Always bringing her in her bouncer into the bathroom with me when i showered. But how did you guys deal with leaving your babies alone with your older Aspie children? I would never want to think Catie would ever hurt the baby intentionally, or just be mean or cruel, but i do expect some sibling roughness and situations to happen.

I would love any advice i can get on these things. I have talked to her therapist at school and i am hoping that the closer we get to Christmas, that they may start talking to her about these things at school as well.

Helen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 5:50pm

Helen,


I would recommened you go ahead and do the sibling classes at the hospital with her, even if she doesn't retain most of it. You never know what she is going to remember or understand, she might surprise you. And besides, it would be a great educational opportunity for her. Our hospital had one of those classes too but it was very limited in size and we went to sign Eva up too late. Put your name on the list now.


As far as leving your baby alone with Catie when showering or something......even if Catie were normal I would say don't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-1998
Mon, 09-29-2003 - 9:15am
Helen -- My aspie, Chris, was 3 1/2 when his brother Greg was born. Of course, we didn't have a diagnosis back then or know that Christopher's unique personality had a name, so I certainly wasn't looking at the arrival of a new baby from the same perspective you are.

If I recall (and this was almost 8 years ago), we took Chris to the sibling program. We had also moved him out of his room (the nursery) a few months before the baby's arrival and moved him in with his big brother, which he LOVED. It made him feel like a big kid.

When the baby came, Chris pretty much ignored him. We did have some potty-training regression for a few weeks, but Chris always hated to be messy (sensory issues) so that resolved itself pretty fast. I do remember that his tantrums increased, too, but we chalked that up to both the new baby and the fact that his older brother was abandoning him every day to go off to kindergarten. I would never, never, never leave him alone with the baby, but I wouldn't leave any 3 year old alone with a baby, not just an Aspie.

Now, last year, when I had baby Cathy, Chris was 10 years old, which of course, can't be compared to a preschooler. But anyway, he wouldn't touch Cathy for the first month or so, then only gradually warmed up to her enough first to pat her on the head, then hold her, and finally to play with her. But we let him go at his own pace.

Good luck.

Elizabeth

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Mon, 09-29-2003 - 10:40am
Thanks for the advice. I woke up yesterday with a bad case of the nestings. Our master closet is 13 feet by 4 feet, and i made hubby clean it out. After his football game of course, i was trying to be nice. But we went through all of our clothes, we have three huge trash bags to take to good will. And we pulled out the bouncer, swing, ultrasaucer, walker, big stroller, etc. And just as i thought, i had to chase Catie away from most of it. The Ultrasaucer i am not too worried about, but she is WAY too big for the walker and swing and bouncer. We pushed the highchair into the dining room and i found her a while later sitting up in the highchair.

I keep telling her "This is for the new baby. Remember the baby? where is the baby?" and she will say "Catie is a baby". I know time and patience, and i figure once i get the nursery set up, maybe the newness will wear off.

I went through all my baby clothes and washed them. I am already missing a pair of baby socks and hope to find them today. i saw her running through the house with them on her hands. She is totally obsessed with socks, and i usually have to buy her a new package about once a month because she wears them out by putting them on her hands and stretching them out. It doesn't really bother me too much, i just don't want her taking the socks off the baby and taking those.

Again, thanks for the advice. I want this to be as smooth as possible for Catie, and me!, and i hope maybe with time and talking about it, it will be easier on her. I have asked family to buy her Big Sister books for Christmas so i have about 6 weeks to really prepare her for the new baby.

Helen