Question about funerals/wakes
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Question about funerals/wakes
| Fri, 04-07-2006 - 3:36pm |
My grandmother just passed on yesterday and the wake is tonight and the funeral is tomorrow. I explained to son what was happening tonight and asked if he wanted to go.....no surprise he said no. I believe my great-grandmother was the first dead body I saw (at her wake.....I was in 3rd or 4th grade).....I was ok with it.
My parents understand that it is too much for my guy to handle. Son did see great grandma last weekend.....he gave her a big hug without any prompting. She turned 95 in January and just recently started to lose her memory.....at the end, she had no clue who I was, but she knew Vaughn.
Just curious.....has anyone's children been to a wake (with open casket viewing)? If so, how old were they? How did they do?
Christie

Mike went to one funeral when he was 5. It was not open casket but it affected him dramatically. I don't think he could handle an open casket even now. I wouldn't ask him to do it again. My in-laws convinced us then to bring him though I thought he couldn't handle it. Even a year later he broke down crying when we went to a church that reminded him of the funeral. That is too stressful for a small child.
Cait on the other hand wasnt affected nearly as much. At least not that she showed however at about 7 I would not have had her see a open casket either. That is hard on a typical child. Now imagine one who is likely a few years behind socially from thier peers and very concrete and has a hard time understanding abstract concepts like death.
I think not making him go is the right decision. Celebrate grandma's life in your own way with him and have him say good bye however you feel is appropriate. Going to funerals is the social appropriate thing to do for folks but that doesn't always mean it is a good idea for our kids. Some may do well but some may not.
Renee
My grandmother passed when CJ was 5. He had to go to the church where the services were being held as we lived in Tennessee and Grandma lived in New Mexico, we had no sitter.
Anyway, my dad arranged for a lady from the church to open up the nursery for the great grand children. It kept them (there were 5) safely away from the open casket and teary eyed adults and gave me time to compose myself before I picked him up.
Unfortunately, my aunt thought it wise to pull the kids out of the nursery before the service started and march them in front of the casket. I had no idea she was doing this as I was taking care of some business with the church, as was my dad, mom and other aunt. DH was probably outside having a cigarette, we thought the kids were in the nursery!
Anyway, instead of remembering Grandma Dorothy as the energetic, smiling, wonderful grandmother she was, CJ remembers her laying in the casket with barely any hair. She didn't resemble the woman he knew. She lost a very difficult but blessedly short battle with cancer. 4 years later, he still talks about Grandma sleeping in the box. UGH!
I will never forgive my aunt for doing this to my son. It wasn't her place to make that decision. Not to mention, she refused to let me have anything that was my Grandmother's. Her kids got to choose something, but I got nothing. I'm a lot bitter about the whole situation.
Eventually, my parents obtained and gave my the dining room set that she had every holiday meal aound for 55 years, so I have that to remember her by. It is also something concrete for CJ to help talk about the good times with her.
I don't know if this helps, but I would really think hard about taking your son.
Crystal
Thank you both for sharing your experiences. I figured this would be too much for my guy to handle so he went to his dad's this weekend. We are picking him up early on Sunday so he can see my brother who flew in for the funeral......son adores him.
Death is such a difficult subject to discuss especially with children (NT as well)......son's grandpa (dad's dad) died less than one year ago and we had a discussion on death.....did the best I could.....we discussed it a little further on Friday.
Christie