Question about meltdowns

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Question about meltdowns
9
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 11:25pm

I'm curious about my kids' meltdowns. It seems that they can control their emotional meltdowns around other people, but not at home. This seems backwards. It also probably also helps explain why we've had a hard time getting people to believe the kids had any real issues, not just behavioral problems. I'm quite consistent with my responses to the kids, so I really don't think it's my parenting (and my parenting techniques seem to work with my NT kids), but lately I've started wondering whether I'm missing something. Why is it that they can control their frustrations with their teachers and other adults but not at home (tho' listening to ds with his tutor the last couple of times, I've heard the strain in his voice to hold it together emotionally). Is it just a safer place to for them to have a meltdown? If they can hold it together sometimes, should I be expecting more out of them at home, too?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 11:48pm

It's real common and a classic problem. I have it. I think most if us do to a degree: My DS can hold it together in school and outside the home (usually),

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
Avatar for insideout418
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 12:02am

I try to look at it this way: my son knows I will love him no matter what, so he knows he can let his emotions out and I will still love him.

Follow me
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 10:06am

Even think about yourself. If you have had a lousy day at work with the boss do you get testy and yell at the boss? Nope, but when you get home that night you have all that left over stress and tension and I bet you are alot more comfortable being crabby with your family.

Our AS kids are just more extreme in this way just like they are in many other ways.

I know lately I have been stressed about this school thing with Cait. I am ticked as heck at her teachers but I can't take it out on her teachers. I even have had to learn in my life to be assertive with people like this (which I have no problem with now). But man oh man I can really get crabby with my family and kids when dealing with this.

BTW, I have found the perfect solution to help me calm down and feel better if I am having a bad day. I go and hold my friends 2mo old baby and play with her toddler. Darn if that doesn't do it every time.

Renee

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 10:20am

Yep, what everyone said goes for us too. Eric saves the drama for us.

He does well keeping it together at school. We notice he sometimes "shares the love" I mean, meltdowns, with his ST and OT. He has been going to the same ones for a few years now and he feels really comfortable with them, so sometimes they get "Eric's evil twin" too. Which is helpful to me, in a way, to see how they handle it.

You see you are not alone! It's still hard though, isn't it?!

Katherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 11:32am

I was thinking about this same thing yesterday.


Monday night, when Henry got home from Scouts, he had a major meltdown because he didn't want to take off his Scout uniform shirt. Crying, screaming, the works--I had to carry him into my bathroom and close the door, so he wouldn't wake Mark. Then I just let him sit in my lap until he was done crying and screaming.


He has *never* had a meltdown at school.


It also never occurred to me that all kids didn't have these meltdowns. When Henry was a baby, sometimes he would just start screaming, crying, and there was just no consoling him. I would just hold him in my lap until he was done. For the longest time, I thought it was because something woke him, and he wasn't really awake.


Now I realize he still does that, but now he can scream about whatever it is that sets him off.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2004
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 1:33pm

Nathan does this too. He manages fairly well at school, and tries to hold most of it in until he gets home. He's precious...always sharing with mom!!! Gotta love that! LOL

michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 2:22pm

Wow. Who knew?! I guess I made a bad assumption: that AS kids who have a hard time holding it together at school have an easier time holding it together at home since those at home better know how to deal with their own kid. You'd think I'd know better than to make an assumption like that. I feel much better that it's not just me. Whew!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 6:14pm

Count your blessings. I would prefer that my son had his meltdowns at home. He has his worst moments in public....at school (almost everyday there's a meltdown), doctors' offices, grocery store, restaurants, etc...

If I could homeschool, I would.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 6:54pm

Cait does this with saving it for home. Always has, always will. Even though she had champion meltdowns at home, particularly as a toddler or when she is stressed. Mike, on the other hand, likes to share the love too. In fact I joke with his school. If he meltsdown for me or is really rough, they have a good day. If he is bad for them, I get the good day.

On the good side, Cait is much better as she gets older. She definitely has more skills to deal with it and ways to get around it or work through it. I can see them coming typically when she is stressed so I know when to back off on things. She also will shut down and nap rather than meltdown.

Puberty however, is very very rough and her seizure meds have helped with the puberty changes since they are mood stabilizers as well. Evening primrose oil can help with any girls that are approaching that age and having a rough time of it.

Renee

Photobucket