Question about personal responsibility

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Question about personal responsibility
3
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 11:16pm

I have a devil of a time trying to get my kids to be independent. After 12yo dd started getting an attitude about my not noticing her laundry was dirty, I told her she needs to take some responsibility for making sure it gets done, too. All I've asked is that if her laundry hamper is full and/or if she's out of clean laundry, that she take her hamper to the stairs where I'll carry it down, and wash it.

It has been three weeks and dd is out of clean clothes. She's been re-wearing soiled/wrinkled clothing to school. Every day she SWEARS that TODAY she's going to take her hamper to the stairs but doesn't. Am I asking too much?! Isn't this something she should be capable of? At what point do I remove the consequences of her failure to move her laundry hamper and put the rest of us out of our misery from smelling her? If natural consequences (smelly, dirty) aren't working, what other consequences are appropriate?

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 12:13am

hmmm, if she is anything like my 12yo Aspie she may have all the good intentions in the world but not the skills or executive functions. There are a couple things you can try. One is to set up a calendar in her room with a contract to take out her laundry on set days at set times. You can set it up so that if she remembers to do it independently there is some sort of priveledge or motivator involved. I often even use just the kids regular priveledges they would recieve anyway but now they make the connection of "oh if I do....then I get...."

Another idea is to set a time each day when it is a natural transition and teach her the routine of taking it out at that time or set a timer or alarm when it will be time to do this.

You could try a written list somewhere posted of all her daily responsibilities and have her check them off as they are done.

There is no reason she can't do not only what you ask, but to bring the laundry down and even run part of the laundry herself. She just needs probably the right modifications to be successful at it.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 9:29am

What I do with my 10 year old Aspie is that Saturday is laundry day. I ask that all laundry be rounded up and placed in a certain spot in the house on that day. My 9 year old daughter can do this on her own however I do have to go back behind the 10 year old and tell him "It's time to gather up the dirty clothes." We've had this in place for a year and he's done well when I mention it to him. Just this last Saturday, he managed to get his clothes placed in designated spot first thing in the morning without me asking. Wouldn't have been so bad but he decided that he couldn't leave his laundry hamper there til I got everything sorted so I had a HUGE pile of dirty clothes cluttering my hallway. I let it go tho and told him how proud I was that he got his Saturday chores done on his own. Of course my 9 year old dd not to be outdone saw this and gathered her clothes up immediately and we spent 3 hours putting the clothes in the hall back into baskets. LOL. Anyway, point behind this is that even at 10, my son doesn't have the organizational skills to remember to do this, or any of his other chores, without Mom constantly harping on him to get them done. Another thing we do is a check list on the back of Victor's door. We have one for school days and one for non school days. The checklist looks kinda like this for the weekend.

Is your homework done?
Did we get the dirty laundry washed?
Did you unload the dishwasher?
Does the trash need to go out?

This way I am not the mean mom harping on him but he's got the reminder right there to help when he feels something hasn't gotten done. School days check list has a few more such as

Is your homework in your backpack?
Do you have your behavior book in your backpack?
Did you remember to change ALL your clothes? ( I don't know why but otherwise he'll wear the same pair of underwear for a week.)

Yes, I am grooming my son for a life with a dayplanner but at least he won't need me there over his shoulder reminding him to get things done. With these checklists, you can also add in there your own little "Make certain your lists are covered" type of reminder and they don't get upset. Victor was with me when I wrote these and he hung them up in his room. I don't have to yell and he doesn't have to feel like "a baby".

Alexis

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2003
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 9:38am

We have a system:


4 color-coded laundry hampers

-Paula

visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com