Question for Moms with kids school-age
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 11-19-2005 - 6:47pm |
If you read my intro, you know my almost 4 y/o DD was just diagnosed with PDD-NOS. Of course since she is newly diagnosed, my mind is just keeps going and going about it. I'm thinking ahead to when she is old enough to attend public school and this scares me.
As a parent, even if your child doesn't have a condition, you worry that your kid is going to be the kid who has no friends, or that your kid is going to be the one that is made fun of all the time. I am afraid that my daughter is going to be an easy target for this.
I cry myself silly thinking that she is going to be hurt when she goes to public school. I know that it is important for her to be around "typical" children, but I also worry that these "typical" children won't accept her. I am almost tempted to homeschool her because I am so afraid, but I think that might deprive her of what she needs to experience.
How do those of you with kids in public schools cope? How are your children doing? Are they targets for the mean kids? If so, what do you tell them? How do you build esteem? I am being silly for worrying about this?



Kyra,
I have 2 boys. Tyler 9 NT, is in 3rd grade and extremely social and well known. He's a huge talker, makes friends fast. Nothing like me. Nathan 6 1/2 HFA, is in the 1st grade. I do worry, all the time about this. He doesn't actually like playing with the other kids, so I've learned to not push him. If he feels like he wants to...then he does. He seems to get along better with the girls. Because they're not so dirty. lol He will join in on simple, easy things. Nothing complicated. He jumps rope occasionally with the girls this year. Well, it's something!!!! LOL But he does prefer to watch the other kids play, and climb around the jungle gym.
So far, Nathan hasn't had to deal with bullying. All his classmates seem to "know" him, and they know his quirks too. They try to calm him down when he gets upset, and they also tell him not to breathe so loud (new habit this year!), and they can tell when he's starting to get worked up and try their best not to get in his way or make things worse.
These are things that his teachers and aid have told me. I don't know what the future will bring. I don't know if these same children will later make fun of him or not. I just take each day as it comes. His social interaction is getting better, so I'm hoping that with time.....who knows! And Tyler (his big brother)is rather "big" for his size....so hopefully this will also help if someone should decide to pick on Nathan!!
michelle
My DS is in the first grade. He was kicked out of "regular" kindergarten last year after 6 days of attendance. The big class with 30 kids was too much for him. He was placed in an emotional disturbance class. It's not perfect, but he does better there. It's only him, 3 other boys his age, and 2 teachers. He attends some classes with the mainstream kids, but has an aide with him all the time. He stays protected that way.
I worried about him being liked. I was relieved when I saw him in class one day. The boys in his class shouted out his name as soon as he walked in the door and they all clustered together to interact a bit. I know it wouldn't be like that in a larger classroom where he would be the least sophisticated (socially) of the bunch.
You might want to check out services in your county before kindergarten starts. I didn't do that and my DS sat out of school for 5 weeks while the county did a full evaluation to see what services would work for him.
First hugs because believe me I have those same worries..Lately I have been having a dream that I win the lottery so that I can buy the lot behindmine and build a house for my DD so when she grows up she can have her own place but be close enough for me to protect her....realistic, of course not but she is my baby...
my DD also has a PDD-NOS diagnosis right now and I have to say that since she started the RECC (Regional early Childhood Center) pre-school which is at the local elementary school, I am so much less worried about her in terms of going to school etc... I was really blessed with a great EI specialist who fought to get DD in the preschool program early (she should be in the toddler program)but check and see if you town/county or whatever you local schol system pre-school availablility. The thing that touches me the most is when i see the older kids, who have come through the RECC, stop to say hello to the RECC teachers. Some are alone and some are with aids, but but they all seem to have adjusted to the school setting and most importantly they all seem happy. I don't know if they are just wonderful teachers (which i think they are so far) or what, but I do know that they have kids across the spectrum from PDD to HFA to pretty severe autism and this is a great step in the social issues area if it isn't too difficult for your DD. good luck to you. this is a great board...I lurked for a while and asked a question here and there before my DD received her diagnosis, and I'll tell you there were nights I read this board through the tears in my eyes but there are some great and very knowledgeable moms on this board so stick around...
ml
Edited 11/28/2005 5:46 pm ET by mommylawyer2002
Dear Kyra,
Welcome to the board! You are lucky to have received the dx when your daughter is so young, as there is so much moving forward that you can do. Is there any way that you could start meeting parents of other children in your community with PDD children, esp. ones who have been in the public school system? You can start finding out policies, practises, reports on how your school district is doing with this issue, even bullying. So much depends on the grownups in charge!!! Every community and school situation is so different, so there is no answer as to how your daughter will do should you decide to have her attend public school, and also no guarantee how well the public school will do!!! Information is key, understanding that alot is up to the people in charge of the schools (and who that is can change later, too).
I live in NYC, which has dreadful public school special needs programming. Therefore we have our 8 year old son in a private school for high-functioning ASD kids, a terrific school and paid for by the Board of Ed (because of their appalling lack of programming) Here there is no bullying, he has many friends with lots of language and interaction, appropriate teaching and social assistance. We are very happy NOT having him mainstreamed with many NT kids and constantly fighting for appropriate services and accomodations. He would not be as happy or learning nearly as much, in our circumstances.
But every child is different, every school system is different, and we feel moving forward that there is no one solution that will work for our son. However, public school is not likely to become an option for us unless we move to another city. Or unless a politician really comes through with a promise... do I hear hell freezing over?
Again, welcome. Good time to start your research is now, better than worrying without info.
yours,
Sara
ilovemalcolm