Raging back again
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| Wed, 05-14-2008 - 9:59am |
I don't know where to begin. Liam had raged a bit the week I was away and been restrained at school. Nothing like it since though. I have noticed the silliness/goofiness and suspected the warmer weather had brought on some mild mania. We discussed it with the pdoc and upped his seroquel. The Oppositionality has been getting steadily worse though; mouthy arrogant attitude. He lost the two online games he loves (ie: deleted them) and his DS lite is gone for now. That's usually what triggers the rages, but once they start. Yesterday was the worst. Began getting off the bus, demanding he get his ga=mes back, I suggested he could earn his Nintendo back but the online games were gone.He was essentially bubbling over and once home was demendinh=g he also go with Cian on C's playdate at a neighbor's house. Now this other child is barely 4 and Liam is a giant 8 year old, and when he's there Liam ignores the other kids or else tries to force them into his play (usually something inappropriate for an NT 4 year old). I am a wreak when Liam is there. I conceded that he could walk Cian and me to the playdate, we would stay 5 ins and then go home.
All the while I can see he is on mission mode and there is a meltdown (and I mean Mother of all meltdowns) coming.We stay for a few min, he takes off his shoes and I remind him not to get comfortable as we are leaving soon; that's when the ODD behavior that he likes to reserve for other people's houses and public started. He still thinks that influences how I handle him....after 8 years you'd think he's get it. I don't care if we are in a restaurant or another house he gets the same response from me when that happens.
So then he stands at their car refusing to go home etc. We are all of 4 houses away so I just leave with Roan. That is where the rage began. Shrieking and grunting like he was possessed, barging at me from behind as I was walking home. When we did get inside, I was attacked with a big nerf gun (I mean he swung it at me), I was pawed, mauled, pushed and eventually he was banging doors, gates, pounding on walls, and I was being called a son of a b!tch over and over. When I had him contained (no easy feat) I had to call dh and tell him to bag nightschool and come home. Mainly as I wasn't sure he was done raging. Turned out he was though and he staid upstairs away from me most of the evening. I was/am just numb right now. I have sensed my depression was rearing up again but this just catapulted me full on into it again.
I am really ina place where I just want to send Liam away for a while. He is becoming a danger to others now, he's so big (90 lbs and ) I shudder to think what would have happened if Cian had been home, Cian is often Liam's target of rage these days, ('course Cian doesn't help with his pithy little comments that trigger Liam even more). I have found a camp in upstate NY that I've been looking into for a while and it seems very good. Deals with kids with emotional issues as well as adhd, ASD etc. It would be two weeks at the end of June. It would cost most of the taxes we get back but at this point we all need some respite. This camp is also an hour from my fave sil's house. Chances are it would have to be next year though as we apparently are supposed to go see dh's family in Florida (big reunion thing) a week into camp. In all honesty though the thought of taking Liam to the reunion makes me want to physically thow up; I'll be a friggin' wreak.
OK, I need to go, Roan is calling from me, I guess Handy Manny is over.
Dee








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Awww sweetie {{{Hugs}}}
Wow, our boys have so much in commen!!!
((((Dee))))
I certainly understand how you'd need a break- and I also understand why the idea of taking Liam to a reunion makes you want to vomit. I just wish I could take all the stress away from you for a while. Why oh why wasn't I born with magical powers???
I can't give you any advice, but I can beg you to take care of yourself. I know it's hard- but you've got to do it. Not just for you, but for Liam, Cian and Roan too.
Hugs dear friend- my heart truly breaks for you.
Amy
I'll be honest with you all, we (ie: me) are looking at a possible residential placement if things don't improve soon. It's two days of semi stability, with many mini rages and then one day of a full blow up. I've done this for 8 years and at this point I feel like if he was an only child I could deal, but his anger and aggression is making Cian and Roan's life a living hell on a roller coaster. I give Liam 75% of attention while the other two have to scrap over the remaining 25%, and remember Cian has his own issues with his AS. Perhaps he can get the help and support he needs from a residential treatment program, as I am out of ideas and energy.
Dee
I am so sorry you have to deal with this. The hardest thing, I think, is as you said: you are a mum to 3 kids, not one, and when one of them is hurting the others you are in the impossible position of trying to protect *everyone*. We've managed to get Euan's rages down to manageable levels, but until we did that I used to be left in tears of frustration nearly every day.
And you know, asking for help, be it some kind of residential placement or other support, is not an admission of defeat or failure, it is *the right thing to do* for you and your family. No-one who has ever walked even 1/4 of a mile in your shoes is going to judge you for that - I would be far more inclined to judge someone who thought they were some kind of superhero who was above asking for help, only to have everything fall apart.
again. Wish I could wave it away for you
Kirsty mum to Euan (9, Aspergers) Rohan (5, NT) and Maeve (2, NT)
"My definition of housework is to sweep the room with a glance"
Follow my blog on http://mumsnet.com/blogs/kirsteinr/
(((((((((DEE)))))))))
Sara
Dee,
I don't have any sage advice, unfortunately. You have forgotten more about Liam's type of issues than I will ever know.
I can listen if you need to talk. You have my numbers. Also I can offer lots of cyber-hugs: ((((((((((((Dee)))))))))))). Not much practical help, I know, but I hope it helps to know that other people love you and kind-of understand.
-Paula
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
I have to ditto what Paula said- you have my number, and I can be available whenever you need me.
Even though my experience doesn't qualify as BTDT, my heart truly does break for you and your entire family. You certainly won't be judged by me for considering a residential placement. There are simply no easy answers in cases like this. My thoughts and prayers are headed your way.
Amy
Dear Dee,
What about the fact that you just upped meds, might that not have something to do with the upping of rages? Also, could the seroquel now not be working for him? Obviously you have thought of this, I'm just asking. The med stuff is so delicate in our kids, also I know he's been restrained and hey, I would bet THAT might have alot to do with recent turn of events, too. Malcolm became so freaked out during the time we found out he was being restrained. He remembers it all vividly and hearing him talk about it still sends chills of horror and rage down my spine. Once we had pulled him from the awful school, it took us months to get him back in emotional shape and I don't think he actually came out of the consequent depression until THIS year. (Cuz we've now been homeschooling for 2 years, if anyone has been counting. We have.)
More (((((((((HUGS))))))))))
Sara
Well the seroquel was upped after the week of hell at school. In all honesty I think its funking out on him (history of doing that). This will have been his NINTH (or his 10th) med he's been on in a little over three years. What I think he needs is a whole lot more OT, hippotherapy, deep sensory therapy etc but financially we just can't do it; we are barely paying the mortgage as it is.
Hence the fight for the medicaid waiver as that opens up funds for therapies. And of course we were initially denied as the friggin' pcp never included a letter of medical necessity, although I have 90 days to get him to give me one. I am not trying to just dump and complain I truly am trying to figure it all out; but once Liam is home I feel the ulcer coming on. And the day leading up to 2:30pm is the dread of it. This is no way to live.Thanks for support gals.
Dee
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