Reached my breaking point... need ideas.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
Reached my breaking point... need ideas.
7
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 11:14pm

Hi. I have an 8 yo son, diagnosed with asperger's/sensory integration dysfunction. we started him on meds at 6, and have stuck with the risperdal since we started. we ended up trying concerta about 6 months ago... and this past month we took him off concerta and started strattera, as he was having sleeping problems.

Anyhow, he's always had somewhat of a violent streak (pushing, hitting, aggressive in general). He's in 2nd grade, in an inclusion class at a public school (we just moved in July, so this is the first they've dealt with him... his old school had him since he came out of early intervention.

He had a little bit of a rough start to the schoolyear, with settling in with new classmates and teacher, nevermind his new house, doctors, a new step-sibling, etc.

Since we returned from the winter break he's received 2 "citizenship reports" from shool (basically a note that she's he didn't play nice today). The first one was the 1st week of the new year... in music class he got hyped up and while bringing his arms down somewhat out of control, he hit the girl next to him. Even his music teacher said she didn't believe it was intentional, but he still got written up. The second incident was the end of the 2nd week of january... a schoolmate bumped him with her lunch tray accidentally, and he slapped her arm extremey hard, leaving a welt that required ice packs. We all know how sometimes these kids (and who am I kidding as an adult I still sometimes respond that way) can't control themselves in that "flight or fight" situation. He needs to learn and I don't excuse it, but I felt bad because it was really a knee jerk reaction on his part. The following week (last week) was a short week, Monday being MLK day and then tues was a professional day so the school was closed. all seemed well the rest of last week.

fast forward to 3:05 today, when the PRINCIPAL calls me at my office (hey, there is a first time for everything!!!). It appears that he told a boy at recess that he was going to kill him. Generally he doesn't threaten that way, but we discovered today that he's targetted this child almost daily for a long while. He admitted it, and basically confirmed everything that the other boy said... that he chases him around the blacktop, that he's tried to hit him with jump ropes and chalk. I was thoroughly shocked by this behavior, I've not known him to be this way, in addition, why the he** didn't anyone notice this???? Once I picked my darling boy up, I asked for the story... after a little prodding, he acknolwedged that the boy "instigated" initially many months ago, when a friend of this poor other child taunted this boy to knock my sons glasses off his face. He then tells me that he and this boy proceeded to have a "slap fight" which he shows by slapping either side of his cheek. I'm not certain still if it was the same day or a different day. then he told me it was time to turn on "protection" mode... and this is when he started picking on this boy. My son is VERY small for his 8 years, not yet 50 pounds and maybe 45 inches... I learn, through questioning the principal that while this child is probably the same size as my son, he refers to him as a meek child (is that even appropriate?). I in NO way condone this behavior, but I'm wondering where all the teachers/aids/lunch people are while he's behaving this way?

In addition, I saw the post the other day about the kid here in MA who stabbed a classmate... that town is only a few towns over from us, so they are really taking this seriously. I've decided I need to have him re-evaluated to see if there are more issues going on. I just don't have any idea where to go from here.

I thought some of you might have some suggestions for what a next step would be? HELP, PLEASE.

Thank you.

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 11:52pm

Welcome to the board Nicole.


I think you are on the right track with getting a re-evaluation.

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Avatar for toryanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 12:23am

{{{HUGS}}} I don't know about others but Victor got extremely aggressive on risperdol. He would just imagine what it would be like to put a knife into someone. He didn't have anyone in mind but when he had NEVER thought of that before, I was shocked and off to the pyschiatrist we went.

I don't have any ideas to help other than to say that you're on the right track with the re-evals. Make certain that your son knows who he can go talk to when he's frustrated or scared. Victor has a door open pass to the guidance counselor. It took us 3 years to get him to feel comfortable enough with the counselor to use it but it was in place. I also went so far as to talk to his old teacher that he loved, and the coach that "helps" him to make them safety places as well. Maybe if your son knows there are other options, he won't have to turn on "protection" mode anymore.

again {{{hugs}}}

Alexis

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 7:26am

But the thing is --- recess and unsupervised freetime is the REAL challenge for our kids, being in line in noisy lunchroom and being jostled, etc. There may NOT be anything else going on but the Sensory and Asperger's, because the kind of problems you are describing come with the territory. There just has to be more social skills teaching, intervention, our disabled kids cannot be required to just "figure it out" on their own when THIS is in the area of their disability. And what will being written up or held in for recess (4 days later, RIDICULOUS, Debbie!!!) do the next time there is an altercation that is too overwhelming? Does someone imagine that, in that moment, the punishment will be remembered and therefore, the attack not happen again?

There has to be more teaching involved here. I totally know, from my own son, how that "protection mode" thing happened, his brain is stuck on that terrifying moment of the slap fight and he is "preventing" that from happening again. He needs help to work it through, may take a while of talking, sorting out his feelings about that incident, how the other boy feels now being stalked, what are his alternatives when his feelings get so big, etc. For my son, a consequence wouldn't do it alone, not that he shouldn't get one, but the consequence has to make sense (and be immediate) and the emotional support and follow-through is even more important for progress and comprehension.

I wish I had more real advice, but our son has never been in public school. In the schools we have had our ds in, the kids are never unsupervised, and social issues are addressed. (Not that there aren't other drawbacks, though) The public schools themselves have to get more involved with the social teaching of our children, so that they can continue to be with their NT peers and in a learning environment. This seems to be more work than most schools are willing or able to do, but that is the law.

Whatever happened with that poor boy in MA with the knife, he was UNSUPERVISED with a weapon and a disability that can't read social situations! I can't even read about it, my heart and stomach are so sick for him.

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 10:16am

Sara, bravo! Very well said. I agree that a re-eval isn't the answer. (nothing wrong with one but no really the answer). The school needs to step up and do what we already know your son and all kids like him need.

Samantha

Samantha
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 1:00pm

Hi Everyone. Thanks for your responses.

Just so everyone knows, my son does have a great support team: 1 OT, 1 inclusion teacher, his gen ed teacher (who rocks!), 2 counselors available to him at any time; in addition proper modifications where required. I don't agree with giving him the same "reports" that typical students give, kind of like handing him a loaded gun, so to speak...

My genuine concern is that he was not terrified of hte slap fight, he rather enjoyed it, and that he has been purposefully stalking this child, who probably forgot that in september he knocked Dom's glasses off to begin with! I am meeting with his psychologist alone on Friday to do some real one on one hard core talking about hwere to go from here.

This child had no remorse, felt justified and would do it again all over if given the opportunity.

We all went to the meeting today: me, dad, stepdad, principal and lead teacher. He has had his gameboy removed at home, he is missing out on recess (pm only, the class-run recess he still will go to). I spoke with the principal/teacher and talked of instituting a sensory diet for him through OT. He had one last year, but it was not on the IEP, just something they did after the formation of the IEP (he has had an IEP in place since he entered public pre-school at 3). We all talked about his options (tell someone if something happens, ask for a water/toilet break if he's getting wound up, use a buddy system and the teacher said they will pair him up each day once pm recess is reinstated). In addition, his teacher told him if he wanted to take out some crayons and paper, he could draw (he generally doesn't like recess and usually gets in trouble at some point)... he loves to draw and this might be a good place to start.

Thanks for listening, for all the wonderful advice, for being available and responsive. I usually only lurk, but I knew I'd get genuine understanding here (unlike IRL where people shake their heads and feel sorry but really have NO clue how it feels to be this child or his parent!).

I'm still seekign input. Anyone have a sensory diet in place that is on paper and can be posted quickly?

THANK YOU< THANK YOU> THANK YOU ALL!

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 1:46pm

My son was getting the wilabarger deep pressure protocol at school untill this yr. He has a move-n-sit cushion for his chair. His OT has a list of calming and energizing sensory activities on a list for him and his aide to choose from as needed. He uses a pepermint essential oil roll on for energizing and a lavander inhailer for calming. They dribble a basket ball, drink cold water. Those are all I can think of off the top of my head. I know there are more but I don't have the list in front of me.

Are they using social stories with him? Or does he have a speech therapist to work on social communicaiton? If not you may want to push for those.

Also he probably will need help recognizing that he needs a break. Most kids with AS aren't self aware enough to realize when they are winding up and most have trouble asking for help when they need it.

Samantha

Samantha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 3:27pm

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