Is this really how easy NT kids are?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Is this really how easy NT kids are?
18
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 10:56am

We are keeping my 2 yo neice for the long weekend. She lives in town and I we see her often, but I have never kept her overnight. Eric is thrilled, is overly hyper bc he is so excited and he's having a ball. I am having fun too but am amazed at how EASY she is! I am actually kind of in shock about it.

I don't know if it is just that she has a relaxed personality and is the youngest of 3, or that she's a girl, or what. DH is convinced it is the difference between NT kids and ours.

Some things are obvious. She has beautiful eye contact, is super-verbal and very affectionate. The thing that amazes me is her joint attention. Eric just never did that and only now has started to do that. Her fine motor skills are fabulous. Not only does she eat with a spoon, but also a fork! Eric can barely manage a spoon at age 4.

Plus, she eats. She actually eats. Unlike Eric where it is a major deal to get him to eat anything and something we've had to work hard at. She sits still while eating. She isn't climbing all over furniture and jumping off things. She can almost dress herself. She is almost potty trained. A "tantrum" for her lasts 5 minutes, not 50 minutes.

I keep walking around almost staring at her like she's Exhbit A "Look, DH, SHE EATS!" "Look, DH, SHE USES A FORK!"

I'd have more kids if they were all like this. My SIL has no idea how easy she has it! Now I understand why my MIL last year thought DH and I were the world's worst parents when we vacationed together. She had just spent a week with this little angel and then she was up close and personal with Eric. Now I understand why she was probably in shock. (She's better about it now).

Anyway, I'm having fun with my neice fantasizing what it would be like to have another child and mulling over the idea of adopting an older child again.

Not that I don't love Eric, but now I feel somewhat vindicated that I find life hard sometimes. Some secret part of me still always blames my parenting, even though I know intellectually that is not true. Seeing my neice side by side to Eric really brings that out. If anything, I guess I have more parenting skills due to him, so that's why she seems easy.

Not that I don't love Eric, I do. But since he is all I have known as a parent, this experience has been kind of eye opening. I wish I could channel my MIL into my body so she could understand the experience from my point of view!

Katherine

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 9:20am

Evelyn.....I liked your unicycle reference.....I think it fits. The Oompa-Loompa remark was hysterical!!! LOL

Christie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 10:34am

Evelyn, I always love your sense of humor and I think the unicycle idea is right on the money! LOL!

I guess it is like you say, they are not "easier" but different, although some things are easier (like the eating, motor skills, it seems). I can see how the teenage years are challenging for everyone NT or ASD in many ways, and different ways. My sister has 3 NT girls entering their teens and I know it is no picnic there!

But it has been a revelation. I think my neice has not really entered the "terrible twos" yet either. She is not interesting in getting into anything, unlike my son who was all over the place and we still have safety devices on everything. And like Christie said, Eric at 4 has just entered the desire to be independent, willful, testing, tantrum part of "terrible twos." He went through all the climbing, exploring stuff, and has not really ended that phase. But tempermentally, he was pretty easy to re-direct, until now.

Anyway, it has been a revelation. And I do feel better about my parenting. Thanks for the positive words there, Renee, Evelyn, and everyone.

Hope everyone has a Happy 4th of July!

Katherine

Avatar for betz67
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 4:13pm

I actually find parenting our ASD son is much easier than parenting our others. We also have 2 ADD/ADHD DSs and 2 NT DDs. Our ADHD DS is the most difficult-- he was horribly colicky as an infant (until age 1) he became a very difficult very Hyperactive toddler and has continued in the preschool ages, he is picky and has SID. Our ADD DS was an easy kid until he hit school age, then life became much more difficult as he had to conform and actually attend to something he didn't think up, life has become even more difficult in middleschool and we'll soon see what highschool is like.

Our DDs are NT but still SID tho much less severely than their brothers and they had issues that I'll never have to deal with w/ our boys.

If you saw our oldest DD in public you might think it was easy to parent her-- however, she can be the devil in disguise. She can tantrum w/ the best/worst of the ASD kids I've seen, she is mean and nasty toward us a times and she's horribly willful and self-centered. She is a nasty NT kid when it comes to understanding her brothers. Her whims have no rhyme nor reason sometimes (her brothers love routine and I usually know what to expect and know how to handle them).

Betsy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2001
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 10:13am
Ok, now you are freaking me out over lizzie!! She doesnt do all that stuff yet and she is 2!!

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 12:07pm

My closest female friend has two daughters under the age of 3 and both are little angels like that. I feel bad, but I always want to laugh out loud at the behavior problems she gets upset over. She's a pretty strict parent and has really high expectations for manners and polite behavior in children. I think my friend is often appalled when my daughter is around. In recent months we've even stopped hanging out with our children because of some related difficulties.

I have no intention of counting on a second child being NT though. If I decide to have more children it will be with the expectation that the second child will be like the first.

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 2:07pm

I have to remind my 13 year old to use his fork every day or he will eat with his hands.. I couldn't tell any one about NT's. I don't have any at all and I tend to know people who have children with all kinds of medical issues such as my son's..

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2006
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 7:33pm

I agree with the boy/girl difference. Girls are more difficult later.

My two boys are like night and day. Michael -5 (waiting for DX) and Sean is in his "terrible threes". Sean was a much easier baby. I remember thinking, "so this is what it is supposed to be like". Up until 5 or 6 months ago, he has been a dream. He is just testing us now and seeing how far his cuteness will get him. More times than not I have to leave the room when I put him in time-out so that he does not see me laugh. I think he is going to be a comedian or actor someday. I think he is going to be the sneaky one in high school. LOL.

My NT niece who will be 6 this month and is the favorite in husband's family. She was born 6 months earlier than Michael and she's a girl. She tends to be a lot easier - but I've seen her be down right mean. The last time I had her sleep over, I took all the kids to the movies, to McDonald's playland and bought all kinds of crafts for the kids. She knows that we keep a treasure chest in the house (I have it for Michael's good behavior and Sean's potty progress), and before she left my house, she asked if she gets anything from the treasure chest, just because. As if I hadn't already given her a bunch of treats! I can tell you one thing, as difficult it is to deals with Michael's fits - he would never expect gifts "just because".

When I get bummed out, I remind myself that I was meant to be Michael and Sean's Mom! We are blessed with the warmth they gives us. I just imagine the poor special need children who were not born into caring families and fall through the cracks or are abused.

Just remember that you are not given anything you can not handle and how much stronger you will be for your angels.

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 11:28am

OMG! You just gave me a great cry. I honestly haven't cried much over any of the ASD stuff. I just can't let myself. DH doesn't believe in it. I struggle to deal with a lot of the implications by myself, and I always feel just a little like I'm failing. And I know that DH, whether he wants to or not, believes that if I just tried harder with Kivrin, or did something more or better then all the behaviors he doesn't like would go away. Something in your unicycle reference though struck a chord in my psyche though and it let me cry and cry and cry. That's good. I feel better now. A unicycle is good. It might be difficult to learn, but man is it cool. Thank you.

Mary

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