Renee, Candes, Please...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Renee, Candes, Please...
4
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 12:45am
I was hoping you two would follow up on my last post. "What do you think"

I did back search on residual as and a lot of old post came up. Now I am even more confused. The more I read, the less I think my som has AS. But (there's always a but), can a child not be on the spectrum and stem? He is very intuitive about how others feel. Almost to the point of being over sensitive. For example, the other day he asked me why I had the person I have clean my house. I explaned to him that I realy liked her a lot and she was my friend. He said he was sorry to tell me, but she wasn't a good friend, of course, I asked him why. He said it always hurt my feelings when she didn't come. Now, this is exactly true. Like dead on. My house keeper and I went to high school togeather, and although she is supposed to come once a week, she usually makes it every other week, then she does a so-so job. Of course, this is fine with my DH as it means we pay her less per month. I can give you lots of other examples. Like I asked him why he liked a girl in his class, Laura. He said Laura has a gift. She is very nice and she is nice to everybody the same, even if she doesn't really like them. Also, he wrote a book ( dictated), and he could choose any subject. He wrote a book about friendship. the main charecters were a dinosore and two cavemen. Gosh, can't remember how it goes, but the just was, to have friends, you must be a good friend, then people will like you. Of course, with all this ASD stuff going on, I really drillled the reading teacher about who set the tone, ect, but she totally was adament every word was his. SHe said it was one of the best books she'd ever done with a kid and she'd already shared it with a ton of the other teachers and kids. Today, my DH and I decided he should work on "u's" He has a book with u's he must copy and write upper case, then he must pick three words that start with U. He picked Umbrella, Up, and you. I said you was ok, but DH was trying to guide him to pick unicorn. I aquiessed ans said, your dad doesn't like you, so you'd better pick another one, because the u is at the end. He looked me dead in the eye and said "daddy doesn't like me?" I said No, not you, the word..." he said "April fooled you Mommy!" He knew what I ment, but got me with what I said. It was funny.

All this makes me feel better, but then I see him quietly sitting on the sidelines watching other kids play and wanting to play with them, but frozen. He has trouble with the eye contact, and I think when he is happy/excited he flapps his hands. Actually he flaps his whole body. (what is hand flapping)? And then, as I mentioned before, there is that thing where he focuses inward. Can a person be on the spectrum and intuitve?

Oh, by the way, we are at my in-laws so he can go to camp. This week he has had a great time. He doesn't know a sole, and it has not been a problem at all. Also, the day is from 8-4pm. He loves it. Every day they do differnt things (which has never been an issue for him. Very "go with the flow" kind of kid). For the first time in his life, he got to ride a bus! And it was a big yellow school bus!!!! They went to the beach on the bus! Not sure why as the camp is on the beach! Who cares! He loved it! Truely a cloud nine moment. Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 6:06am
Sio,

I have started to write this reply several times. It's kinda hard for me because it brings up several issues (personal ones). But it comes down to this....I would like to do something called an identity comparative. It will take me a few days to write the comparative and when it's done I will get it too you. We can do that either by having me post it here or I can email it to you privately. But when the comparative is done I want you to read it and tell me if the character in the story could be your ds or not by answering a few short questions. I'm not going to tell you either way what the clinical profile of the character is until AFTER you have read the story and answered the questions. This keeps it unbias. I know you're primary concern is to figure out what is really going on with your ds, one way or the other, but even the best meaning parents will unknowingly lean a certain direction if they are aware of the clinical profile in the comparative.

If you are up for this let me know. You can post your response here or email me at:

drendrewolf@hotmail.com

I get a lot of spam to this addy so in the subject line write: Sio-ivillage

One of my dds works as my secretarty and she is under orders to delete anything from this addy (without opening it) that doesn't include certain personal keywords in the subject line.

But be assured I am not ignoring you. And I know exactly how you feel. I spent a few years doing 'battle' to get a correct and deffinitive dx on Jade. After a while you start to feel like a ping pong ball.

Peace,

Candes

Peace,
Candes  
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 7:18am
Candes

Thank you very much! I'm not sure what you are doing, but I guess that's the point. I tried to email you, but, it didn't go through and I just got an error statement. I'm at my in-laws house and I think her server isn't letting me send mail.

Anyway, if you could send it to my email at:

siobhain@ec.rr.com

Again, thank you. Sio

PS: I am quite certain I am putting a slant on this. I'm just not sure if I'm trying to make him an Aspie, or trying not to let him be an Aspie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 12:10pm
Sio,

I apologize. I thought I had responded to your first post. Either my post didn't take, or you had another in there that I missed. This new board format gets me sometimes. My computer for some reason never keeps track of what I have read so sometimes I miss things.

I love Candes' idea. That is so great.

I wanted to add one thing. For years, different professionals brought up the possibility of asperger's with my son, Mike. we didn't agree for many of the same reason's you mentioned. We thought he was just too sensitive/empathetic. (BTW DH is still having trouble accepting it and he is a well educated and respected autism specialist. For him, I think it is hard for him to see it in his own children. Too close to home. He made a comment that Mike had regressed into meeting the criteria in the last 3-4 weeks -since he was diagnosed. I told him I just think we are realizing the real reasons we have been having such a tough time with him. But that is another story all together)

At anyrate after years of little to no help with ADHD treatment,we took him to the neurologist, she had one very good point. Some aspies can be very sensitive. When they learn that they are being hurtful to someone they do feel truly bad, etc. The difference being they don't recognize, understand social cues. For instance, she pointed out many places in his evaluations where he had totally missed the social cues of peers. I have been watching this and it is true. What threw me is that Mike is very gifted. He can learn things easily. For instance, there was this one time that we went to Legoland for the day when Cait was in school (1st grade he was 4). On the way home he asked me not to tell Cait that we went because she would be sad. I thought how empathetic of him. After thinking more about it, we used to say that to him on many occasions, because Cait being an AS kid to was very difficult about these things. He had learned that response and was thoughtful, because in that instance he had been taught to be. He can also make observations like this if it is logical. I can't quite explain it, but if he doesn't need to know what is going on in the others mind. He might be able to point out that the housekeeper isn't a good freind due to concrete things he saw. Not showing up, etc. Would have broken his rules of what a friend was. He would not have been able to see the motivation behind why this person had done it. However, I am not so sure it would have dawned on him that some girl in the class was nice to everyone the same whether or not she like them. Mike just assumes that everyone likes everyone. Even when another boy was being very mean to him, he didn't get it. He thought the boy was his friend. The boy likes Mike around sometimes because he thinks he is funny, but he just as soon be mean as nice to him.

I am looking at his behaviors with new eyes these days and I am noticing what the reason is behind the behavior. I am realizing that alot of the areas he was difficult about could be explained by aspergers.

This is not saying your son is asperger's. I think with some of these kids it can be very hard to identify the exact reason for behaviors. I do see many of the areas that your son has an easy time with, that my son would never be able to do. Go to new places, be flexible, never been go with the flow kid, ever. However, my dd is a go with the flow kind of kid, but she has very little to no empathy unless directly taught. Even then she makes errors in it. Many of the difficulties can overlap and making an accurate diagnosis is quite difficult. I am relieved that I feel we finally have an accurate diagnosis.

As for the self stimulatory behaviors, my very typical 5 y.o. dd is my biggest "flapper". Self stim behaviors can be caused by sensory integration issues. Most autistic kids have sensory issues, however, many other kids with and without other special needs have sensory difficulties as well. Just because he has these behaviors doesn't necessarily mean he has ASD. BTW have you looked into sensory integration disorder out of curiousity

So did that just confuse you more?

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 1:27pm
Thanks renee!

You are very intuitive as well. My son has SID dx and ad/hd. Low tone. Up until lately, lowsy colorer. Sees the OT once a week. Love what it has done for him! BTW, his OT thinks he isn't ASD.

You've given me a lot to think about. The main reason I sit on the fence with him has been the stimming behaviors. His social issues are more ADD type. For a while he was over md'd and he became very introverted. once we stopped that, he became quite the social butterfly at school. All the kids got a big kick out of the change in his personality. Camp has been a great experience. Oh, well. I have one more specialist to take him to on the 24th. Also I am anticipating Candes 411. After this I am going to stop "looking under rocks" until school starts again.

TAL! Sio