Residential School or Not?
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| Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:43pm |
I was considering putting my 9 (almost 10)-year-old boy in a residential school near my home for kids with his type of disability. He has PDD-NOS, as well as ADHD, and possibly bipolar disorder. He's had at least three (half-assed and insincere, but disturbing nonetheless) "suicide attempts," tried to run away twice (once again, he's not very good at it), and is quite moody and disturbed. His school is pretty ineffective in dealing with his problems, and he recently ran away from his PE class outside and had to be chased down and taken away from a construction site! He's been in a Psychiatric facility twice this year.
Most of the time, I feel that I can handle him, but he can give me some frights sometimes. He's not particularly aggressive, but sometimes I worry he's going to hurt his 6-yr-old brother. He loses his temper easily.
To top it all off, I just got broken up with today :( by the most wonderful man. I'm devistated. He would be a solid, loving stepfather to my kids, but he feels that living with Jack would be too much of a burden for him. He says he really loves me and wants me in his life, but after having spent a week of vacation with the three of us, he can't see himself dealing with his tremendous problems day after day. That really made me take a second look at the burden I've been trying to shoulder all by myself. I live in fear that he'll run away or attempt suicide or strangle his little brother. He's not thriving in his regular school (he's got 136 IQ, so he's bored), socially he's ostracized, and his mental health services are not effective.
I mentioned the idea of a boarding school to Jack, and he seemed excited about the idea, as long as I promised to let him come home most weekends and I visited a lot. He said he would like to be with kids more like him, and he liked the idea of small classes and structured activities all day long.
What experiences have you all had with boarding schools? Are they appropriate for a brilliant, socially awkward, clumsy, disturbed child like Jack?
Thanks for reading this.

A friend (not a close friend) has a child who was severely ADHD -possibly more (BP?) and after much agonizing, she put him into residential care. I think it worked out well in that case. Her son (who had been violent towards her and his little brother -it was just the three of them) did well there, certainly at first.
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tchermusik,
I'm not a huge fan of residential schools, so I should probably keep my opinion on those things to myself. There are, however, a few good ones out there. We considered one for our 11yo ASD for high school, and even had her on their waiting list, but it would have meant sending her to another state and we eventually decided against doing that.
On the note of the boyfriend breaking up with you over things... I can so identify! I was a single mother with a more severally effected ASD for a long time and I got that same reaction a lot. Hold in there, the right guy is out there, and he won't think Jack is too much too handle. In fact, that will probably be the big sign that you've found the right guy when you find a guy that thinks Jack is great, despite (or even because of) his differences. When I first met my DH he wondered why everyone was 'warning him' about my DD. He thought she was wonderful and that everyone else was 'screwy', lol. He knew she was different and could see her differences clearly (probably more clearly then everyone else) but they still clicked and became the best of friends. It's almost 8 years later and he's adopted her and she's turned into quite the Daddy's Girl.
When it came to dating my DD didn't want to share me with anyone. She not only sabotaged (sp?) my relationships she outright tried to hurt a few guys. Bit one guy (that I thought was Mr. Right), and he ended up needing stitches! But the man I ended up with in the end simply didn't tolerate her crap. One day, while at a museum, she decided to pull out all the stops and threw a violent meltdown right in the middle of the museum. I had just been in a car accident the month before and couldn't deal with her. He just picked her up and carried her out. She clawed, bit, scratched, drew blood, etc but he kept going. I thought, "This is it. I'm gonna get the 'I can't handle this' speech from him tonight." Instead, after getting her in the car where she could calm down he went and sat down on the curb behind the car while I dealt with her. When I looked at him I expected to see venom on his face, but instead he just said, "I didn't drop the baby." He was relieved that she hadn't been hurt! Then when my DD calmed down and she saw the blood on her and I told her it wasn't hers, it was his. She looked at him and he just opened his arms to her and said, "We still friends?" That was it; she was his biggest fan from that point on. She never treated him like that again and we were married two months later (he asked me to marry him that following weekend).
My Dh likes to say "God makes one father and one dad for each kid, and sometimes they aren't the same man." My DD's father couldn't handle her either, but I’m glad he was up front with me about it (even though it hurt like heck at the time) His honesty allowed me to go out and find the man of my dreams and the man that was my DD's 'dad'.
Hold in there. Jack's dad is out there somewhere. And when you find him you'll know, because he'll love Jack as much as he loves you.
~SG-1Niner