respite update and family vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
respite update and family vent
3
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 10:40am

So we got our new respite worker on Thursday. She is very sweet and very kind and speaks very little english. She brought her 8yo dd with her to translate.

We went to basketball practice together as I am going to have to train any new person. The regular coach was not there and it was quite disorganized compared to usual. Mike was having a heck of a time of it. He got loud and very stimmy. I kept trying to intervene but I finally had to go and take him home mid practice because he was obviously on the verge of blowing. One of the other kids told me that Mike scares him :-( and they all were making some comments to him.

Here's the problem. The respite worker kept saying how good he was doing. I showed her a number of times his behavior that were antecedents (loud vocalizations, etc) but I don't think she understood what I was saying. OYE! We are going to give it a try because we have 3 weeks to train her while DH and I are both home.

Second, the IN-LAWS! I am SOOOOOO hating the christmas season. Mike has a basketball game today and we have my FIL's b-day party tonight. MOre than enough stimulation. Well they want all the grandkids to go on some train ride with Santa down to San Diego and back. They don't get when I say it absolutely won't work. That santa train thing with cousins alone would be as much or more than Mike could handle in a whole weekend. Between Basketball and a party with them? I DON"T THINK SO! That is setting him up for a horrible weekend.

Well I am the evil daughter-in-law/sister-in-law because I said no, absolutely not. we are coming home to decompress for that part of the day. Even my SIL with the autistic son is giving me a hell of a time about it lately and all that stuff. I am really ready to send them all to the moon.

REnee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 12:42pm

Dear Renee,

((((HUGS)))) and yes, send them to the moon, definitely a good plan... here is where living far away from relatives (esp. my in-laws) just works really well for us! We do wish we had easy access to a Lear Jet so we could fly there for Malcolm to do schoolwork with my dh's mom, she was quite a brilliant teacher in her day, but then we wold want to jet back hom...

Just stand your ground, evil one. You know your kids best and why should you sign you and yours all up for a weekend of torture? For Xmas enjoyment? I think not. I turn down lots of invitations which Malcolm might even enjoy, but I am the one who is just not up for it, esp. if I have to monitor him lots, exhausting!!!

Boy, that whole basketball/respite worker thing sounds dicey. I don't even let dh take Nalcolm by himself to baseball practise or games 'cuz dh just doesn't have the "read" on situations that I have. I will run off for breaks, but then I come back and watch. And of course we are not yet to point of having Malcolm play basketball with other kids in like an actual team situation, only with small groups of friends including the dads and usually the game is kinda fixed... This way Malcolm gets to keep working on skills and maybe when he is, say, a teenager, he might be up to the game itself.

Anyways, you are so doing the right thing about the train ride thingey and good luck with new worker. Maybe she and Mikey will hit it off and all will be fine? Ot maybe he can teach her English lol. You never know...

Sara

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 3:35pm

I don't usually have DH do those either and as for basketball being successful, well that is a matter of oppinion. But doing something to get him out with typical peers seemed important and this is the game he has watched his sister play for years, the town league is a good understanding fit, and I know the main coach/he knows Mike.

I don't have a choice about having him go with someone else. His practices are Tues/Thurs and in January my classes are the same days/times. The only option is to stop taking classes again or pull him out of basketball. Or find someone to watch him.

Fortunately we have a decent amount of time to train said respite person but if it doesn't work out within a week or 2 I do have my mom. She may not have the read I have but he always does well for her and she doesn't get embarrassed.

Renee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 5:37pm

Wow, what a valuable service!