Rudeness and disrespect
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 06-11-2007 - 1:39pm |
My son (8, AS) has been off the charts lately with his rude remarks and disrespect. Every time I ask him to do something (homework, piano practice, use the bathroom - big struggle, ect.) I get a snotty remark like, "Uh, I don't THINK so" or "I will never do what YOU want me to do". If I push the issue, he starts yelling at me and saying there's no way I'll ever make him do X... occasionally he threatens to run away. He has the same issue at school with refusing to work on non-preferred activities and speaking back to teachers.
How do you handle this? I'm tired of being treated this way. My DH (and myself at times) use some of the same phrases when speaking to him, as most parents do, but now they are coming back to bite us in the butt. I'll admit it is a little funny (albeit inappropriate) when he says, "Watch your mouth, young lady!" I know many AS kids don't have that distinction between peers and authority figures. I just don't know how to stop this. Everything is an arguement.
Melissa

Makes you want to pull your hair out,I know what you're going through.My son who is also 8 years old does exactly the same thing.In fact got a call from school today ,can you come and pick him up,and he,s excluded for another day,ahhhhhh.He has a smiley face chart at school,split into lessons.He can earn a smiley face for every lesson he,s not cheeky or rude.It,s taken a while but it seems to be working slowly,But not today.We have a tick chart at home and when he gets a smiley face at school he can put a tick on his chart to earn reward points.I don't if this is of any help to you as i am still battling this one myself.
Love Yvonne xxx
Melissa,
I don't have a lot of sage wisdom here. I do know that the best time to work on a behaviour is when it is NOT happening: Things like social stories or role playing will help to get the message across in a non-confrontational environment.
A phrase
visit my blog at www.onesickmother.com
I agree with Paula. We did a game called 1st time obedience. I know that some of you may be freaked by this but it actually worked. We played it almost everyday for about a month. You simply stay put and ask your kid to do something (ie, please get mommy the phone, please rub your tummy, please put your shoes on, please clap 5 times etc...)mix them up, make some of them fun and some of them regular things you would ask for or things you wish you could ask for (pick up your clothes). Now this is the point...everytime you ask for something they have to say "yes, mom" and do it cheerfully, properly and immediately. Asking questions (why, where are we going) or talking back (I don't want to) is against the rules of the game. Everytime they do it you praise them and say "good first time obediance" or something like that. You can introduce the sticker chart etc...using this technique...everytime they do it they get a sticker when they have x number they can pick a prize. Then you can move on to bigger things, start incorporating it into your daily language, give out "caught being obedient" stickers (you only get them if I catch you which may not be everytime but you can't ask for them (it is against the rules)...be patient with that one though because it may be hard for them to understand why they don't get it everytime. After playing this game for about a month we just started to routinely use the phrase. I say "get your shoes on" my AS daughter says "I don't want to go anywhere, I'm not doing that" I say "remember say 'yes mom'" and she says "yes, mom" and puts her shoes on! I'm not kidding, this actually worked for us. I use it with all of my children and it works with them all including my teen who is flirting with AS and wasn't taught this until he was almost 10. I have 5 kids including an AS who when asked to clear the kitchen table or sit quietly at a restaurant say "yes mom" and do it. I could kiss the person who taught me this game (and give them every penny I have). Not only does it work for me but get this...after she got good at it at home with me and the hubby I told her teachers about it at school and they do it too and it works there as well. If my AS daughter says "yes, ______" and then doesn't do it it is because she didn't understand the instructions so re word them or ask what she didn't understand (this really heads off a lot of frustration and meltdowns). This is a good thing to try over the summer. You never know, it may work for you too. It is some weird Pavlov's dogs thing (forgive the comparison) but the repetetiveness of this almost creates a subconcious trigger. If the idea of this is offensive, sorry, but hey it works.
Hope this helps!
Cassie
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp