School reported us for abuse!
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| Mon, 01-07-2008 - 9:30am |
OK, I am still steaming about this one. Forgive me if I run on.
Last Friday while I was out on a job interview a social worker dropped by my house for a little visit. DH (who lost his job a few months ago) was home with the two girls and spoke with her. Evidently, the school reported us to DYFS (Child Protective Services in NJ) for suspected abuse. They had already been to school and interviewed both of our boys, asking questions like "Does Daddy ever hit you when he's angry?"
OMG, just typing that makes my head spin.
Let me tell you why I THINK this happened. I'm trying to remain as neutral as possible and see the schools POV - not easy in this situation. We had a meeting with the team to allow DS back into school after he was suspended just before break. Right before the meeting, DS decided to lift up his shirt and show the Dir of Spec Services a bruise he had on his side. He was saying his Dad threw him down and caused the bruise. *REAL STORY* DS, who is known to be physically aggressive, was pummeling his younger brother during an argument and DH pulled him off. DS fell into the corner of a bookshelf and got the bruise.
In addition, DS's behavior has been declining in recent weeks (hence the repeated suspensions) and it rose to the level of attempting to expose himself in the lunch room a number of times. It only occurred to me last night that the school now sees that as a red flag for potential abuse.
Finally, the school claims that DS said his dad told him he was going to use him as a punching bag. I KNOW this never happened. DH has never threatened physical harm to our kids. When I questioned DS about this statement, he said he sometimes *feels like* Dad is going to use him as a punching bag. Big difference. DH is a big guy and can look intimidating when he's angry. Pair that with DS who *feels* things more deeply and in an exaggerated way.
It just burns me up that they would report us without talking to us first and asking questions. We all know that DS tells stories, flat out lies, and exaggerates everything. We all know that he doesn't get his facts straight when retelling events (we get numerous accounts of what happens at school, which has made it very difficult to determine the truth). Heck, the staff told us at that last meeting that DS told them the DH and I robbed the Bank of America!!! and that I was in the hospital having another baby (God forbid)!!!
We have established a definite pattern of story telling and over active imagination... WHY would they choose to believe this story over any of the others? The logical side of me says it's their job and they could get in trouble for not reporting it. However, the "evidence" doesn't support their claim.
SO, the only reason I'm not totally freaking out is that the social worker told DH that she wasn't at all concerned, that she didn't see anything to support the claim, and that the school was jumping the gun with the report. WHEW. I still have to meet with her tomorrow for her to finish her report.
This is going to make future dealings with the school staff VERY awkward and uncomfortable. All this comes at a very difficult time for DS. We've been fighting with school staff to get a behavior plan in place to help him. We've been called in numerous times for behavior situations, suspensions, etc. I don't know how I'm going to look them in the eye after all this.
Some good news, if you've made it this far. We put DS on Vyvance (Adderal) to help with impulse control and mood swings. It's only been a few days, but it seems to be helping a little.
Thanks for listening.
Melissa

I'm so sorry that you had to go through the investigation.
Oh my... I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope it is all over soon so that everyone can get back to normality.
I always worry about something like this happening. I always find myself looking over my shoulder because I never know what kinds of stories Haley will come up with next. The last thing she said was that she wanted to burn down the school and even drew a picture of her and some "friends" with torches and guns... I absolutely freaked when I saw it and naturally I sat her down for a stern talking to. She said she would never do something like that... she was just angry. So I had to lecture her on the proper way to express that anger... we definitely do say things or draw pictures like that at school. Yikes!!! Thankfully the school didn't make a fuss but I thought for sure they would.
Parenting these kids can be a real challenge sometimes... that's for sure. *hugs*
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Aspie)
Mom to Erin (19) and Haley (10yo Asp
oh geez Melissa,
I am sorry this has happened to you, but unfortunately, a few of my special needs mom friends have been through it. It can come with the territory.
I remember Peter was angry with me once and he was listing all of the "horrible" things I had done to him:
"You
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