Semi OT Working moms - I need advice!

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Semi OT Working moms - I need advice!
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Tue, 11-28-2006 - 8:53pm

Hey all. I haven't been around in a long while. I was so busy over the summer and then with the start of school.....sigh.

Sam (7, AS/ADHD) is doing much better this year. He started Adderall this summer for the ADHD and the impulsivity has gone *way* down which were where most of his behavior and learning issues stemmed from in school last year. Extended school year and private reading tutoring all kicked him off to a good start as well. We've been seeing a Psychologist once a week since summer, doing CBT working with coping skills and keeping him positive when things don't go the way he'd like or planned. That is the tough work, I'm finding.

I've been having a really hard time lately though. Sam and I are very much alike. I have a hard time staying positive, remaining calm when I'm upset, quick to upset when I try to stay calm......so I'm working on the same things he is and I'm trying doubly hard to keep it together when he's upset about homework, tv, his brother.....I'm drained most afternoons by dinner time.

I need to get a job......neeeeeeddd to get a job really badly. The apt. bldg we live in was owned by DH's grandfather who passed away this summer (we got a family discount ;) Our options are to buy this house, a condo or rent an apt. Any of those options involve me getting a job. I have many problems with that. I haven't worked since 2001. The woman I worked for then offered me a job instead of saying I could use her as a reference. I do not want to work for her and expect that I would not get a good reference from her since I turned her down. The two places I worked for before that have closed, so I have no recent references! LOL My only reference is from more than 14 years ago when I was just out of high school.

I cannot see Sam going to daycare after school, so I cannot work past 2pm. That would involve putting the baby into daycare still and would cut into any money I would actually bring home. I *could* work nights if DH had a consistent schedule. Sometimes he's home at 2pm, sometimes 7pm. So I can't tell work I can work nights and then be screwed if DH isn't home in time. I am having a really hard time finding an employer who can work around my schedule. I thought there'd be someone out there who'd at least want someone for weekends and the one night a week that is DH's short day, but no luck yet. So I decided to do a mix of weekends, one night a week and couple of days til 2pm with the baby in daycare.........nothing, no one interested.....sigh. I have a BA in Illustration, I have some computer knowledge and loads of customer service and retail experience, but no way to prove it with no references....LOL

After keeping it together all day Sam either meltsdown or comes pretty darned close to it every afternoon. I have thought of finding a qualified sitter to watch the kids for the hour or so before DH gets home and just try to do nights; I don't even know where to start. Who can handle homework time with Sam but me or DH? And can I afford someone who can handle it? Would it even make working a crappy retail or waitressing job worth it? I am feeling incredibly resentful of Sam. I don't know what to do. My inlaws are good to watch the kids once in awhile with no expectations of structure....etc. But everyday at homework time?!?! They'd never be able to handle it and Sam would be melting down to avoid homework and they'd let him eat sugar and watch tv until DH got home to do the dirty work.

Anyone have any idea where I am coming from?!?! I feel so completely clueless, useless and confused. What would we do if something happened to DH!?!?!?

Chrystee ( off to find some chocolate)

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Registered: 03-13-2006
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 9:04pm

My dd friend's mother does telephone sales for HSN. Everything is done from her house through the phone and computer. She says its good to decent $, not sure?!?!
It's hard to find good help, so...
Keep looking, someone out there needs your skills.

You mentioned CBT, what is this?

HTH,
Jenn

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Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 10:10pm

Hi, go to monster.com and type in some telemarketing phone jobs. Lots of places now a days will let you do phone work at home as long as you have a computer, with dsl and a separete phone line (land line) with unlimited long distance.

Some hours are flexible. Take a look. I was thinking of it myself so I have done a lot of searches, but then decided to be a part time driver for Schwans. Its been great so far (I'm still training tho) but the hours are long. 12-14 hour days and I'm lucky my DH can be flexible enough on his job to be home for the boys when they get off the bus on thur and fri's.

I can't do more than 2 days a week tho. I think my boys would divorce me lol.

Elaine

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 10:26pm

I have had the same problems and I finally went back part time this year. I was really fortunate to find a job through a friend where I only work school hours so Mike doesn't have to do afterschool care.

Is it possible to get a job as a special ed aide at his school or a nearby school with the same hours? That was my other option. Another is if your DH can drop off at school (mine couldn't so this wasn't a option) but perhaps some sort of coffee shop where you go in early and are done before school is out?

As for references. I had that problem with going to college. What I did was ask people at my kids school (the principal, teachers, etc). I volunteer regularly, am on PTA and know them well. They were happy to give me references. I figure it is the closest to a job I had had in years so they could speak to my work ethic, etc.

Renee

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Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 12:24am

Chrystee,


I can't help you with the getting a job thing, but I might have some advice for you regarding someone to be with Sam.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 12:42am

That depends on where you live though. Many states don't have PCA's and others won't cover "aspergers" where they will cover autism. Some you get a financial reimbursment to hire your own people, etc. Though it is worth looking into what your state provides.

A really good resource for "sitters" or respite types for a special needs family is a local college. If you can snag some special education teaching candidate or a clinical psychology student you may be in there. They will have some training in this area and college students are ALWAYS looking for money.

Around here the going rate for respite workers is about $8 an hour with extra for the extra kids. I know the sibling rate for my 2 kids was $12/hour plus I paid an extra $2 a hour per each addtional child. So they were getting $16 an hour for all 4 of my kids. Pretty pricey but it isn't too bad if you can get some financial support from the state.

Renee

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Avatar for betz67
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 1:10pm

in SC the respite care is for children w/ dx or autism only. Then you have to actually find someone who is qualified, currently there are no qualified respite workers available in our area. So, we're unable to go that route if we needed it. In theory it would be a great option for anyone who needs some kind of short amount of care for their asd child, but here it doesn't actually happen. too bad! so many people could use this.

Betsy